Sting

Choose your words carefully. Words cut!

"No one will ever want to be with you!"
She hissed vindictively as she packed.

Not even yet clear of her mouth,
The whetted words sliced through him.

The burning sting of the severed soul
Lingers freshly. Even after all these years.

He sits on his porch, drinks his tea,
Waves to neighbors ... and pets his dog.

His dog always wants to be with him.

Author's Note

Emily was right ... I don't like the title either ... changing it.

Reviews

[jenniewren (J.W. Bouwma..]

The burning sting of the severed soul
Lingers freshly. Even after all these years.

damn. just.. damn! the piece as a whole is succinct and all-encompassing but that pairing of lines slices to the core..
it's like you're giving a lesson on how to truly write fiction in its most distilled possible entity

[TL Boehm]

NICE! I'm in angst mode this week. Well Every week and this little poem is well penned. It struck a chord with me.

[Neville]

Another good un Creepy. This should have been reviewed dozens of times by now. I hope mine kick starts an avalanche of em. Thanks again. All Good Things, Neville

[:)]

vindictively is such a wonderful word to read and say... :)

[Claws Of Fury]

I always feel like I am the she that always wants to be with he, you know what I mean? I love it. I rhymed on purpose- sorry I'm obnoxious.

This was wonderful.

[Anicca]

Lovely! Thanks for sharing!

[SM Davis]

Hey! I love the title. Unless this happens to be the title you changed it to...and then I love it still. What is it you told me many years ago? Never second guess yourself as the words from passion's sea flow? Ok, maybe not exactly your words, but you get the gist. You are one of the most gifted writers here. don't ever second guess yourself. If "a" reader does not understand the purpose for the piece, there are millions of others that will. 100 peaches (yes, not daisies - a much sweeter score for you)

[Emily B]

I'm not crazy about the new title.

[Lydia Blackwell]

Ah... what words we utter with out a thought to the damage they can do.... this is an emotional piece in an unexpected packaging. I like it.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

She was wrong!!!! That dog looks happy...I see him wagging her tail! lol