'Twas the Day Before Christmas

A little seasonal political humor.

This was written in 2009, so it's not exactly current. But it's still fun and since it's the season, I featured it again.



‘Twas the day before Christmas, and all through D.C.
Democrats frolicked and partied with glee.

Republicans waited with shovels and sticks,
By the fireplace there, to bludgeon St. Nick.

“Who’ll pay for these gifts?” They angrily sneered.
“Sure, you look nice. With that suit and that beard!

But your gifting of toys, and turkeys and hams,
Is just one more liberal, welfare program

You’ll make those kids shiftless, and lazy young slobs.
If they want to have toys … then let them get jobs!”

The voters were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of health care danced in their heads;

Parents in jammies laid down for their naps,
Trusting the Blue Dogs. Man, were they saps!

I’d just closed my eyes when out on the Mall,
There arose such a ruckus, ‘twas a full Senate brawl.

McConnell and Schumer exchanged vicious blows
While Byrd and McCain squared off toe to toe.

Burris smacked Coburn with a nasty head butt,
And took all his money, and sent Blago his cut.

Sessions and Kerry were duking it out,
And Chambliss caught Franken, quite flush on the snout.

Reid took a bullhorn and pled … “This is wrong,
Gentlemen, please … can’t we all get along?”

But the fight kept on going ‘til gunshots rang out
Then everyone stopped and they all turned about.

“You jerks are like children, all whinin’ and wailin’
Go back to your rooms.” shouted Governor Palin.

Go back to your desks, and act like grown men,
Or I swear you’ll end up like the moose in my den.”

They all trudged back in, their self-esteem sapped,
Hillary glared … arms crossed, her foot tapped.

“Damnit you psycho, I won’t tell you agin.
You are not the V.P. … McCain didn’t win.

Now give me that gun and get back to Wasilla
We need you to watch for that Russian flotilla.”

With that they walked off … all licking their wounds,
But Ensign was mad … he turned and he mooned.

The riot was finished they all got in their cars
They drove off to brothels, rehabs and bars.

Obama called out as he went by on a stroll
“You’re all going to pay if I drop in the polls.”

Biden smiled and spoke, as he bandaged his ear,
“Merry Christmas to all and a Happy New Year!

Author's Note

This was written in 2009, so it's not exactly current. But it's still fun and since it's the season, I featured it again.

Reviews

[Viki Rachel]

This is so funny! Political and hilarious... the best of both worlds.
100/100

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

“You jerks are like children, all whinin’ and wailin’
Go back to your rooms.” shouted Governor Palin.

Go back to your desks, and act like grown men,
Or I swear you’ll end up like the moose in my den.”

They all trudged back in, their self-esteem sapped,
Hillary glared … arms crossed, her foot tapped.

“Damnit you psycho, I won’t tell you agin.
You are not the V.P. … McCain didn’t win.

Hahahaha! This is soo funny ,, satire at it's finest~ loved it ~~~:)

Chloe

[Doreen]

You give us a good chuckle for the holidays. :) Very well done.

[shythatway]

*smile* You're right. it's still fun. Merry Christmas =)

[Tony]

A full Senate Brawl.....
This is exactly what I hoped to encounter when I stopped by to compliment you on those beautiful teeth.
The closing comment by that lameass Biden.... on queue.

[Succubi]

haha this poem was hilarious. sappy and comical, yet outrageously political. ahaha wow...definatly fits the modern day american politically correct holiday christmas jew spirit lol

[W.k.kortas]

It's doggerel in the good sense of the word, with the constant rhyme and the ballad-like rhythm. It's clever without being whiny or cutting, and it's strongly built, worthy of Dr. Suess even. Very nicely done.

[Ferg]

I cannot imagine a more fitting poem for the holiday! Great political humor incorporated well into poetic form! Nice to see you writing and posting again....

[Kira]

I absolutely loved it! One can find it hard to be oblivious to politics these days, and I can definitely image this scene...I liked your rhymes especially; I'm usually picky about syllables and half-rhymes but I would not change a thing. I especially liked when you mentioned Palin:

“You jerks are like children, all whinin’ and wailin’
Go back to your rooms.” shouted Governor Palin.

Go back to your desks, and act like grown men,
Or I swear you’ll end up like the moose in my den.”

Merry Christmas, awesome poet person!