Big Wes

Seems like the right piece to feature today.

Sometimes I get to talking
And I make that mistake.

Inadvertently, I say "My Dad
Is", or "does", or "has".

In that moment it hits me like
A steel-toed kick to the midsection,
And all of the wind leaves my soul.

That's when I realize all over
Again that you are gone.
That it's "was", or "did", or "had".

Never again will I hear you
So seized with boisterous laughter
That you begin coughing uncontrollably.

No more will your soft, yet jabbing wit
Gently set me on the proper path.

I have to find my own paths now.

Reviews

[DavidRyan]

This is amazingly well written. Sad, beautiful, a great ode to a parent. I use to sit in my house when I was younger, and extremely worry about what was going to happen to me when my parents were dead. How I would be able to set a VCR up without them, wash clothes, pay bills, take care of people I love/d. It's definitely a scary thought but it comes with getting older, I guess. And you hope that you're old enough to choose your own paths, and take care of your own family, and do just as good, if not a better job, than your parents. Like I said, well written. I'm glad I checked it out.

[Phibby Venable]

very sad & very well written

[The Wave]

a very strong and emotional piece...

overall, there is nice imagery, a good flow... and there is an obvious sadness as we place ourselves in your shoes whilst reading along...

this is written amazingly well, i really enjoyed reading your work
good job

[Hannah Estar]

wow.. I have to admit, I clicked on your profile because I'm worried I have the swine flu ^_^ strange sometimes how good writing is found...
This poem is brilliant! I felt like crying reading it...It describes an emotion of loss perfectly and very eloquently... The words seemed to flow subtly from the screen into my mind, bringing with them memories of my grandfather, who recently passed away... I could almost hear his laughter... The end-line simply captured my breath... brilliant... It is exceedingly difficult to write an emotion and bring it to life in a reader, and perhaps the reader would have had to have experienced the same emotion or something similar to feel it, but if anyone can write an emotion, it's you. Very well done.

[R.G. Johnson]

Hell yeah. Reminds me of my own father. It's hard religating someone to the past-tense, but I like the idea of 'find your own path.' Striking piece of writing.

all the best.
R.G.

[Ferg]

very tender and touching tribute to a father who was larger than life for you...great memories can never replace, but they can comfort and soothe. You've capture the essence of missing him in a very real and tender way.

[justjenn_2u]

Bittersweet piece with wonderful descriptive language.

Your father would be proud!

My favorite line is the closing - "I have to find my own paths now." An introduction to your personal journey I am glad you shared.

[Big ol' Kahuna]

Nicely done. Full of love and emotion. The last line was a great summary to life as well.

[LR Young]

really nice little piece. I can feel that shock of the wind... the small cold shudder that must have seized you at: oh... right, I'm supposed to say "was", or "did", or "had".

[Holly]

I think it is sweet and endearing but it made me so sad! What a sweet way to pay tribute to your beloved.

[Snuggles McClintock]

meh:

when it comes to in memorandum stuff I prefer a more "show me, not tell me" approach.

Never again will I hear you
So seized with boisterous laughter
That you begin coughing uncontrollably

this is telling me something, that the narrator (doesn't mean it's the writer) is missing a person. Showing me would be something like:

There's the empty arm chair
where you had coughed uncontrollably
after laughing boisterously
at the President's address to congress after 9/11.

the point being you are showing me something about the dead person.