American Vintage

Conversations sometimes release the muse.

You are a classic American vintage.

Sweet, like the girl next door,
But dry, with sharp biting wit.
One needn't strain to see
The sparkle that bubbles to the top.
Worst of all, one taste
Begets a burning desire,
A perpetual need for
Yet one more taste.

You sneak up on a man
Like a good wine does.
Unaffected, or so he believes,
He is soon a bumbling
Mass of incoherence,
Unable to complete
The most simple of tasks.

In the end, pitifully dependent,
He writhes in gutting pain
For want of that one last taste.

Reviews

[theludus]

I think the strength of this is that it doesn't appear to set out to be more than it is. There's a nice ring of truth here that gathers itself up as the narrator is undone, and I think it's because the author didn't over reach with the metaphors etc. Perhaps the last 3 lines, rather than outrightly stating his demise, might be stronger if you went in the other direction slightly and pitched them in an understated, yet more direct manner.

Pitiful, and dependent,
the end comes
with something less, or more
than temporal pain--

For want of one last taste.

just an idea of another approach.

Really good.

[Legion]

Like the glass I always say. Well, I don't always say that, but maybe I should. I like the imagery in this and an excellent thought portrayed. A tangy taste upon the palette. Kudos.

[Ferg]

i always love a good wine analogy and this one was excellent...glad i stumbled across this one!

[Stephanie]

I love this!

"You sneak up on a man
Like a good wine does.
Unaffected, or so he believes,
He is soon a bumbling
Mass of incoherence,
Unable to complete
The most simple of tasks."

I've never seen a woman compared to a glass of wine....you are very original my friend! Awesome metaphor and an awesome poem. Great job :]

[Freder Fredersen (aka G..]

Brilliant. Humor and honest humanity. Love the extended metaphor. Comparing a women to fine wine has been done, but you did it in a freah way. I enjoyed.

Cheers!
G

[Emily B]

it must be heady stuff being a muse . . .

powerful, intoxicating stuff

[Jillian]

LOL, yes it can be that way in either direction depending on who falls fastest or hardest. Great metaphor.

[Seriana]

Ha! You got that right. Hehehe, and I agree with Babbette. Warm and tender, that's how we like to see ya'll!! Nice job Jer. I like to see your intimate thoughts on women sometimes. :)

[Babbette Francis]

Soft and Beautiful!!!

It's always amazed me how a man can go from hard as steal to warm and tender. I guess it's just the magic of the pen or quite possibly the talent of the writer. But in any case, this is stunning, Jerry,
I think I'll keep it.

[J]

Oh my ..... this is very sexy ... yes, indeed. Who you been hangin out with, bud?