Rick's Lucky Day

If it weren't for bad luck ...

 

     Rick Coolidge sat rigidly on his stool in abject horror, staring at the two cards lying on the bright green, felt-covered blackjack table in front of him. Six hours ago, he’d sat down at the $25 minimun bet table with his life savings. When he lost that, all he’d have would be his plane ticket home and his room for his last night in Las Vegas. But something wasn't quite right. As his dark brown eyes squinted against the cigarette smoke that danced up from his fellow gambler's ashtray, Rick ran his hand through his black hair in uneasy contemplation of what was happening to him.

 

     “Sir?” The dealer interrupted Rick’s trance of disbelief.

 

     “Oh … Sorry.” Rick said, snapping out of his haze long enough to turn over the two cards that he’d already stolen a peek at.

 

     “Another Blackjack!” The dealer loudly announced.

 

     “I’ve never seen anyone this hot before!” Said the statuesque redhead with dark brown eyes as she leaned into him. She was close enough to press various parts of herself against him in a manner that made the casino seem even hotter than it actually was. Being a rather nebbish fellow of fragile physique, Rick was unaccustomed to such attention.

 

     “It’s got to end soon.” Rick muttered uncomfortably, as he anxiously organized his stacks of $100.00 chips.

 

     Rick’s words echoed the thoughts of the pit boss who stood fifty feet off to the side, quietly watching this once in a lifetime spectacle of good fortune. But no end was in sight. In the next hour, Rick won 15 of the 16 hands that were dealt. He'd sat down with his last $175, and now he had something over $27,000 and he didn’t like it. No sir, he didn’t like it one little bit.

 

     You see, in his 37 years, Rick was never one to attract too much good fortune; as a matter of fact he’d resigned himself long ago that bad luck stalked him like a crocodile slinking up on a sipping gazelle. He saw his run of good fortune not as the long overdue balancing of Lady Luck's books, but as a curse to be fended off. This near pathological fear of good fortune took over when the pit boss invited him to move to a higher limit table.

 

     “Yeah, that’ll be good.” He answered nervously, figuring he’d bet everything that he had except for the $175 he started with. But fate had a different plan. The phenomenal run of luck continued into the night. He made big bets hoping to lose and he won. When he bet small to fend off the winning, he’d lose. By the time fatigue began to set in, Rick had completely lost track of his winnings. His good fortune had drawn a crowd, which only made him more nervous. His hands trembled with each wager. His situation was much less troublesome to the redhead from the previous table; she’d followed him to the high rollers table and saw every spectacular win at close range. As a matter of fact she was fast becoming Rick’s new best friend.

 

     “I guess I should call you Lucky. Well Lucky, my name’s Vanessa and I must be your lucky charm.”

 

     “M-My name is Rick.” He stammered as he raked in yet another pot.

 

     “Where are you from Rick?”

 

     “New York.” He answered as the dealer drew a losing hand.

 

     “Ooh!” She squealed. “You win again Rick.”

 

     “I’d like to cash in now please.” Rick said to the dealer, having given up in his effort to lose a hand. “I go home tomorrow,” He explained to Vanessa. “So I decided to shoot my wad and gamble my $175.00 until I lost. But I didn’t lose, all night I can’t lose and here I am now; cashing in.”

 

     “What's wrong with winning?" She quizzed.

 

     “Nothing ... per se," He explained. "It's just that I am not a lucky man. When good things happen, things that are equally bad come along to even things up. This looks exciting, but something bad is gonna happen!"

 

     “Excuse me sir, I’m sorry to interrupt, but I’ll need some I.D.” The pit boss said.

 

     “How would you like to buy a lonely girl some dinner?” Vanessa offered as Rick handed the pit boss his drivers license.

 

     As onlookers offered back pats and handshakes of congratulations, Vanessa continued to work Rick. But he was finally coming to grips with his good fortune and decided that since this was his lucky night, he’d just accept whatever hospitality this stunning woman had to offer. As Vanessa and Rick discussed where they wanted to dine, the crowd that had formed around Rick slowly began to dissipate. Jack Cameron arrived at the table in time to see the pit boss come back with Rick’s Check.

 

     “There you are Mr. Coolidge, 2.7 million dollars after taxes!”

 

     “Okay you lucky man, lets spend some of that on dinner, and then we’ll go back to your room for some entertainment.” Vanessa said with a stern but playful poke to Rick’s chest.

 

     “I gotta be up by eight though,” He cautioned. “My flight leaves for home at eleven and it goes straight through to New York, I don’t want to have to take the late flight and stop over in Detroit.”

 

     “How ‘bout I just keep you uhmmm … up … all night!”

 

     “I guess I really am, finally lucky.”

 

     Rick had grudgingly begun to let go of his fear of good luck. Finally he accepted that he was not necessarily meant to always lose. His lifetime of bad luck had struck a just balance with this phenomenal run of good fortune. Rick gleefully tucked his check into his wallet and escorted Vanessa out to the waiting limousine.

 

     About that time, Benny Cameron lumbered into the casino and found his brother Jack at one of the low money tables and sat down. Jack handed Benny a drink that he’d ordered along with his own when he arrived.

 

     “How’s it goin’?” Benny asked, as he ran his fingers through the sparse hair that hung over his rather prominent forehead, pushing the hair out of his eyes and back from his receding hairline.

 

     “Not bad, I’m even but some guy just had a run. He couldn’t miss. They say he won over two mill.”

 

     “Damn.” Benny replied in awe. “Why can’t I ever catch a run like that?”

 

     “Stop whinin’ little brother. Did you get everything done at the hangar before you signed out?”

 

     “Yeah, everything is done but the fuel line on that 737.”

 

     “You stupid s**t; that needed to be done tonight.”

 

     “It’s taking a short hop to Reno Jack. They’ll change the line in Reno and it’ll be fine”

 

     “Didn’t you read the memo you schmuck. They changed planes to get more seats. That plane is going nonstop to JFK in New York.”

 

     “It’ll be alright Jack.” Benny said, taking a sip of his drink and tossing $100 onto the table to buy chips as he silently thought to himself. I hope.

Reviews

[Martin Barnier]

Loved the ending- I expected Vanessa to pull a fast one on him and take all his money, but it turned out to be even worse than I thought! I think the only thing that struck me as off is when Rick changes his point of view from 'something bad always happens' to 'looks like i'm finally lucky afterall.' It didn't feel natural after the way his personality was presented in the first part of the story. Perhaps if the moment he changes his mind is given a little more attention? Great story, regardless. I really enjoyed it!

[J. Patrick Darrow]

The surprise ending is the best payoff to a reader. I certainly hope that Vanessa sends him off well. I'm irish and slave to Murphey's Law. I'm definately no stranger to bad streaks. I also experience anxiety when experiencing "unusually good" luck.

I was really expecting first, for vanessa to take him for a ride, then, I expected to read that the Cameron brothers were going to take him down. The open ended airplane flaw was great. Implied yet unsaid. Truly allows the reader to write their own ending if they wish, even though the story points to one answer.

Great read, it read quick and smooth. There were no awkward sentences or anything that I could detect, and the story was great. The end made the payoff big.

Great job, excellent talent-
J.

[Jinx]

I've read this before... I guess I didn't get a chance to comment.

Well, this is a very good story Jerry. Personally, I was wondering what Vanessa was going to actually do rather than having the plane be his bad luck. ;) As for anything else, I pretty much echo the other's thoughts in here. Well done! If you want more in depth, let me know, but I don't think I need to. You're quite talented. ;)

[Magnolia Belle]

Jerry - thanks for the invite to read the edited version. I remember the other ending. This one leaves more of a delightful question mark in the reader's mind. Good work.

I am hesitant to leave an in-depth review, because lately I've been damned if I do and damned if I don't. So, if the following is more than you wanted, please accept my apologies.

There was only one sentence (a run-on) that caught my attention for an overhaul.

�I�ve never seen anyone this hot before!� Said the statuesque redhead with dark brown eyes as she leaned into him close enough to press various parts of herself against him in a manner that made the casino seem even hotter than it actually was.

This could be divided up to read more smoothly... something like...um...
�I�ve never seen anyone this hot before!� squealed the statuesque redhead with dark brown eyes. As she leaned into him, pressing her various parts against him, the casino suddenly seem even hotter.
My second comment regards punctuation of dialogue. You use it two different ways, neither of which is entirely right.

�Okay you lucky man, lets spend some of that on dinner, and then we�ll go back to your room for some entertainment.� Vanessa said with a stern but playful poke to Rick�s chest.

�I gotta be up by eight though,� He cautioned.

In the first instance, the punctuation should be ...entertaiment," Vanessa". [comma, not period]

In the second, it should be ...though," he cautioned. [lower case 'he']

I hope this is what you were looking for. As always, take what makes sense and toss the rest.

[Lauren Xena Campbell]

Wow, this is gripping stuff, I love your descriptions and really hope that there is a second part to the story. Good job. This is probably one of my favourite short stories ever!

[Kenny Blade]

This has a real - multi-episode feel to it. One of the best stories i have read in quite awhile. I'd critique, but i think it is good just the way it stands

Peace
KBlade

[Bee]

I liked this a lot. I like Vanessa and how she really was his charm. I'm curious as to what the smog of disbelief was about was hter something subliminal going on? Are you going to continue this? Very wel-written it captivated me from beginning to end (= Good job.

[Gastroc.]

i finally got a chance to sit down and read this. i really liked it. is there going to be a continuation or are you ending it here?

[John(agudwun)]

This is a cliff hanger ! I didn`t breathe through the last paragraphs. Whew !
So, Rick, this nebbish fellow, from New York has had the run of luck we all dream.
Now, with a $2.7 million check, after taxes, in his wallet, a woman on his arm , the likes
of which he has only seen in the movies and his plane ticket to New York in his pocket,
a fuel line that ---- wait! Has Rick`s luck run out ? Will his next hand be two queens
and the dealer has the black-jack ?
This writer has produced a perfect black-jack. The winning hand. It doesn`t get any
better than this.
Thank you Jerry for an exciting evening .
This is a review. I am an excellent reader, Jerry. You will receive critiques from
accomplished writers.
My Rating: FIVE STARS.

[Erin Hogan]

this is an amazing piece and i really enjoyed it. it read so well and i just wanted more! the ending is nothing short of perfect! i reallllly loved it. maybe rick and the chick will become very involved with eachother and rick will miss the plane... maybe everything will be fine maybe he'll die. who knows? thats what i love! keep up the good work Jerry! i'm loving it! :)

[Mary Maston]

This is good. If I had been Rick, I would have likely donated half to try to even the score. I'm not lucky either. Is this a short story or a section of something continuing? Just curious, because it could go either way. No real suggestions for change. I think it reads well, and there are really no slow or incomplete parts. I would get a little more descriptive with the red head saddling up to him. It's a little "shy" in description. Depends on your audience, but it's a casino, who's going to be shocked? Other than that, I think you're on the mark. Thanks for sharing. I always enjoy reading your stories.