Deliverance

Just something that nature inspired the other day.

The stifling shroud that
hangs in the summer air
brings burden to even
the simplest of acts.

 

Breaths come with difficulty,
as if drawn through plastic wrap.
Suddenly, the skies darken
and bring nature's merciful fury.
 
The air cools and a breeze
rustles through the treetops,
turning leaves over, exposing
their pale underbellies.

 

This breeze, pregnant
with the scent of distant
lakes, holds the promise
of cool, wet relief.

 

Grape sized drops at first.
one, then another ... sploosh,
sploosh. Drops get smaller,
falling now in raging sheets.

 

The breeze, now a cool driving
wind, thrashes branches about
as the booming clap of Mother
Nature calls all to her relief.

 

I stand, arms outstretched
and head thrown back
in thanks as I am drenched
in her deliverance.

Reviews

[holly]

I feel so at home with this poem - like discussing the conditions of a summer afternoon with a long lost cousin - because your language is selected, not merely plopped down from of the flow of feelings, and you've obviously used a fine chisel to remove anything unnecessary to meaning. What an enjoyable piece!! Thank you for posting it.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

A wonderful description of a summer shower, particularly like the references to to the stifling air. Very nice work here. I'm looking over the competition in the Weather contest. I just entered a piece. This has to be a contender.

[R.S. Wilder]

There are several depths to the poem I can relate to. Well done.

[emmajoy]

Wonderful in every way. I love rain for all the right reasons.. and seems you and a trillion others do.. but not everyone can write about it as you have.

The gentleness of thoughts in this poem is really fine : 'This breeze, pregnant / With the scent of distant /
Lakes, holds the promise / Of cool, wet relief.' Like the intro to a beautiful sweep of musical crescendo.

Going into Favourites right now

[Jane Doe]

Absolutely phenomenal! I love, love, love the rain! There is nothing like the feel of rain washing over you. This is a deliciously vivid piece that makes me feel as though I am standing out in the storm receiving my own deliverance. Wonderful!

[Emily B]

I love the title! Found my way back. The true test of a work. It continues to grow.

[Selena Chapman]

Nice. Love the descriptiveness of this piece.

[Emily Rose]

This is aboslutely beautiful, a wonderful testament to "nature's merciful fury." (I love that contrast, by the way!) You really get in depth in covering the beginnings of the storm, drawing on even the small details most people don't notice, like how the leaves turn over before a thunderstorm arrives. The build of the poem is fantastic, too!

My only comment is that the line breaks seemed rather random to me and that was actually a little distracting. You would cut yourself off before you finished a thought, and I didn't really understand why. Is there any chance that you could do some reworking to clear this up? You might even want to try experimenting with the form - perhaps using stanzas made of unrhymed couplets rather than sticking with quatrains throughout. There are many possibilities!

Wonderful job with this - it was a very enjoyable and sensory read!

[Dani California]

This is wonderful, Jerry..

You truly take your
reader into the moment..
the last stanza really had
me there ... outretched arms,
facing the sky, welcoming the rain on
my skin ... )

Awesome imagery throughout!

Very lovely read, thank you :)

[QuietPoet]

I liked this. Nicely written.

[Jerri]

You are so right...this seems a perfect companion to my Cleansing Rain!