I'm So Sorry

In the dark of night.

 

You will never know me

Until it’s far too late.

Women you have never met,

Have sealed your grisly fate.

~

I fought the inner voices.

I’ve prayed they leave me be.

But everywhere I look are lovers,

Leaving only me.

~

When you held her hand,

Then gave a warm embrace.

My blood began to boil,

My pulse began to race.

~

My eyes must be so vacant,

Devoid of love or care.

You know you are about to die.

I see it in your stare.

~

I do not even know you,

You’ve never done me wrong.

But hurts of old have drained my heart.

In a muzzle flash, you’re gone!

~

Thank you God, ‘twas but a dream,

That same old awful one.

I tell myself it’s over now,

As I gaze down at my gun.

~

I wait, I pray, to God above,

That fate soon makes things right.

I pray you never meet me

On that awful summer night.

 

Reviews

[Mary Maston]

Wow! reading this reminded me of a dream my husband has had in one form or another, always with the same theme though. He wakes and shakes me awake and tells me the dream as if trying to confess a sin. I wonder what Freud would do with this one. I especially liked "My eyes must be so vacant devoid of love or care. You know you are about to die, I see it in your stare." Chilling imagery of gunman and victim staring each other down in the final moments. I cannot even begin to imagine what that would do to me, how I would react in that moment. Anyway, a frightfully good ride, thanks for sharing. I am wondering, (you don't have to respond, it's just a lingering thought) what inspired this? Was it a dream of yours, really? I wonder if it was how many men have dreams like this.

[Tenten]

wow. the flow isn't smooth but the words the drive in it makes my eyes widen...i like it. graciously creepy and violating with a ending sense of desperate breath..fantastic.

[Tania Leigh]

I like this.....I can feel this man's lonliness and desperation.....secretly fighting a compulsion to avenge an old wound to his heart....very powerful. He knows it's wrong....he prays it will never surface....but he fears it will.

Great write! :-)

[Jacqueline]

Wow! You breathed life into the 'Monster' theme; you gave him the gift of remorse and made him/it a multi dimensional character. You chiseled out a chilling and gripping story that keeps readers' interests from beginning to end. Great stuff!

[James K. Blaylock]

Wow, I truly enjoyed this piece. Thank you for entering it into my contest.

[Mastermind]

"I pray you never meet me
On that awful summer night."

Oh how chilling, this piece made me shudder when I reached the end. I loved the flow and the vivid descriptions, which definately added to the scare factor. Thank you for entering my contest, and keep up the wonderful work!

[Chris Zahar]

Well, I'm a bit more a free verse writer so rhyme schemes always seem a little restrained and old fashioned to me (even though I've toyed with them in the past), but that's just my opinion, which certainly isn't always right. Nonetheless, the ending line is especially powerful. I'm expecting you to shoot the guy. I'm expecting this to be just another violent, revenge fantasy. But you restrain yourself, yet that restraint just gives the reader a better view of the tension, frustration, and anger that is building up inside you.

[Andrea Alesiani]

Congrats on such good work. It really captures one man's undying desperation and search for eternal retribution. x

[LUX]

wow, so powerful and lovely! what a wondeful job on this!!

I really liked this piece! keep up the great work!!

[Goodbyeguilt]

Mwahahaha evil.
It's like 'I'm really sorry, you've never done anything wrong...but I want to borrow your spleen for a while'
I love it!
It flows so smoothly aswell, quite like blood.
Which makes this poem extremely icky in an evil and mentally unstable sort of way.

Well done!

GBG - Leah

[Dream Poet]

AMAZING!!!