Deja Vous all over again!

See for yourself.

 

       So yesterday, I felt the urge to do a bit of reading. I decided to go to Barnes & Noble and just browse about and see what struck my fancy. I figured I’d get a drink, look through some books and just relax and read what I wanted. As I approached the store, I noticed that a rather large group of people were gathered inside of the large picture window and were watching me quite intently as I approached the door. When I came in, the entire group descended on me like buzzards on a “gut-wagon”. No harm was done though, they only wanted to be my friends and hey, everyone can use more friends, right? So as each asked me if I’d like to be their friend, I eagerly agreed and asked if they wanted to join me in a cup of coffee, but by the time I got my offer of a shared cup of coffee out, each had turned their back on me to befriend the most recent person to enter the store.

          “No worries.” I told myself.

          At least I had new friends. Perhaps they would have time to chat with me a bit later on. Perhaps, I reasoned, one of my new friends might notice while browsing the shelves, that I was an author and pick up one of my works.

          Before I could walk over to the coffee counter, the woman at the checkout signaled by waving her hand at me.

          “Excuse me, Creepy Blue Guy?” She called.

          “Yes Ma’am?” I asked as I went over to talk to her.

          She pulled out some slips of paper as I approached her. I though that perhaps these were sales records for some of my writings that populated the shelves. But as I got closer, I could see that they were notes asking me to pick up the writings of some of the other authors who populated the shelves.

          “Oh no thank you ma’am. When I come in, I like to chose what I’m going to read on my own.”

          “That’s fine,” she said with a smile as she tore up the notes, “I'll take you off of the Read Request list.”

          With that I was off towards the coffee counter, but before I was halfway there, a woman stepped right into my path with a terribly pained look on her face. She shoved a hardcover book to within one inch of my face and spoke in a panicked tone.

          “Will you please read my book!”

          “I’m sorry Ma’am, I just cancelled my read requests at the counter.”

          “That’s why I waited for you to leave the counter. That b***h can’t stop me from asking you to read my book out here in the aisles.”

          “But I just wanted to come in and read what strikes my fancy.”

          “Can you read my book Blue Guy?”

          “Did you not hear me?”

          After just staring me down and blocking my escape for a good ten minutes, she finally sighed in exasperation and walked to the next aisle and accosted another woman. Finally, I got to the coffee counter and ordered my coffee. When I paid for it the cashier smiled in a very friendly manner as she handed me my change. With my change was a note. Please read my book it said with a picture of the book printed on it. At the condiment counter, I tossed the note in the trash while I added cream and sugar to my coffee. I was still a bit upset that I was having so much trouble just sitting down and making my own choice of reading material, that I spilled a bit of my coffee. Since I’d neglected to get a napkin, I went back to the counter to get one and when I got back, there were eleven of my new “friends” waiting, books in hand. I picked up my coffee and hurried away with the “friends” in hot pursuit. I ducked behind an aisle with many books in it and hid until they gave up. That’s when a woman walked by and stuffed a piece of paper in my shirt pocket, which said … you guessed it, “Please read my book.”

          As I ducked behind the aisle, a decent looking fellow walked past me where I squatted and patted me on the back. I looked up at him and saw a look of empathy. But there was no time for pleasantries, I had to escape. I looked up and noticed that this was the aisle that my books were in. There they were, all neatly lined up and facing out with a thick layer of undisturbed dust on them. That was when three men carrying books approached me from three sides. At this point, I decided that discretion was the better part of valor and ran out the back door. As I walked up the side alley towards the front of the building where I’d parked, the physical exertion of my escape combined with the hot sun to make me very sweaty and uncomfortable. I pulled off my jacket only to find a sign taped on my back with a picture of the man who’d patted my back that said, “Read my book!”

 

Is it just me; or is anyone else having this recurrent dream? Maybe I got a bad Mocha-chino.

Reviews

[SPINNING ON that dizzy ..]

Oh, I am not sure at which point I wasn't in Kansas any more - very clever my friend. And I am your friend.... well, I know I am YOUR friend, I hope you are mine.... haha..... I get this and agree. When so much of my stuff was lost, I was heartbroken and asked if it was worth the dance - I have made some nice friends on here and I have some people that are such good writers that I can't wait to read the next item offered up..... like anything else CBG, I take it as it comes here.... Gram used to say, you make your own fun.... I am glad you are here (nothing in my hand or on your back)

Kath

[jen]

Hehe...yep..loved this. I prefer the browze and select approach to being part of a mass request-bot recipient list.

[shythatway]

Hilarious and so well written. I think I read it before, back when you were still blue, but maybe it's just your tone. :) Anyway, you should have it featured on the sign-up page ;)

[Corset]

Oh..I say there Creepy blue guy! Have you read my book yet? I laughed out loud at this, I have a reoccuring nightmare like this where no matter what i do to it, I can't get my alarm clock to shut off, it's amazing the themes and things your subconcious will come up with when you're dreaming, I throughly enjoyed this of course, ( you can find my book on isle 3)

[icelandicblue]

Ah wonderful commentary on the selfishness of some. I will never ever send you another read request!!! I actually don't mind the read requests because it allows me to be lazy and just follow the bread crumbs. However, it does drive me nuts when I get 3 or 4 from the same author in the same day. And of course there are those who do not reciprocate. I either drop them as friends or delete the read request.

I love your sense of humor. Your title absolutely cracked me up. You know the old joke, "Enough about me now lets talk about what you think about me." This speaks volumes to all of us and you do it with class and a few laughs along the way.

[Brianna Brie]

I enjoyed your clever little story. Even if I couldn't help feeling like I was hanging out at the WC instead of Barnes and Noble. Personally, my pet peeve is when a person asks me to send them a request for them to return the review just given them. Get real...I have better things to do than chase after a review. My philosophy is that if I give reviews they will be returned down the road somewhere by somebody. It matters not to me whom. Enjoyed your visual tact on the subject.

[jenniewren (J.W. Bouwma..]

i currently have over 200 RRs sitting there, staring at me. i already feel guilt over not doing as nearly as much reading as i'd like to.. and that condemning number grates upon me. i almost never send any out myself, unless asked to specifically, or if it pertains to a piece i've been discussing with that particular person. but there you have.. nearly 300 sit in wait for me. i would like to shut them off, but i have a couple of friends who do not abuse the privilege, who send me work because the genuinely want MY perspective on a piece.. i feel like i'm punishing them for the misuse of a privilege by others..

excellently worded allegory. i'm currently in the "trapped rat"phase of the situation myself..

The ones that get around the checkout lady really irk me. It's like ok, you had to stand next to my shelf while handing me the note begging me to read your books, yet you didn't take a minute to browse my shelf first? And then there are the ones that regularly pass notes through the checkout lady, but on the rare occasion I go to pass them one, I find out that they don't even accept them!

[Doreen]

This was so well written and the message so clear that I'm feeling quite humbled. Nice job - it sums up the experience in such a great fashion.
A subtle "Hey, you're an a*s" in a message would have done the job quite well too. :P

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

LOL you may have had a bad mocha-china too.. this is funny but so true ... u love the way you wrote this and it is as i said true .. once it didn't seem like this here .. were you here when we could subscribe to writers/friends? That was a good thing gone now as you could see what was written and take a look without any 'pressure'..very unique way you got your point across.

Chloe
xoxo

[Emily B]

oh, this is too funny. Did you know I sent a message to one of those 'will you be my friend' guys once? He had given maybe seven reviews and received several hundred. I asked him if he was real and how were we to know it. He didn't see much humor in that.

I've noticed some young people think that their words have to be read. Well, I know it's a nice thing and all but whatever happed to that old school of thought 'to have a friend you should be a friend.' If you want to be read, then read!

I do have my own issues, I like to share too much. If I read something that I find has some sort of quality (the quality itself changes) I like to send it to all my friends. Mostly I think they overlook it in me because of my foolish ways.

I enjoyed this. I may share it. :)