Angel In the Snow

My third ten minute play inspired by the Elliott Smith song.

Stage opens to a dimly lit hospital room in the middle of the night. We see Natasha, asleep, on the hospital bed. She is being fed IV drugs and is connected to a dialysis machine. Luke around sixteen years old, dressed well, and clearly a good student. He is sitting on a couch not far from the hospital bed reading a book. Natasha stirs.

 

LUKE

(without looking up)

What am I going to do with you, Sasha?

NATASHA

(groggily)

Who is that?

 

LUKE

You don’t recognize me?

 

NATASHA

Luke?

 

LUKE

Luke what.

 

NATASHA

What?

 

LUKE

What’s my full name?

 

NATASHA

Lucas Glass.

 

LUKE

Good.

(turns the page)

Where are we?

 

NATASHA

A hospital.

 

LUKE

Even better. What day is it?

 

NATASHA

Tuesday.

 

LUKE

What’s three plus five?

 

NATASHA

(scoffs)

Eight. Also known as a quarter of thirty-two, two to the third power, the square root of sixty-four...

 

LUKE

It’s a stupid question, but I didn’t ask it because I think you are stupid-- although you have done something very stupid.

 

NATASHA

Oh, I see. You’re trying to gauge my mental state. Let me prove to you that I haven’t changed. Your first question was to check if I remembered my best friend and still remember my relationships. The second question was to check if I could pick up clues from my surroundings and determine where I am. The third question was to see if my internal clock kept ticking while I was unconscious-- that actually should have been your first question. But the last question was silly, even for this.

 

LUKE

All right, let me ask a question more suitable for someone of your supposed intelligence.

 

NATASHA

Shoot.

 

LUKE

Four thousand four hundred forty-four times seventy.

 

NATASHA

Three hundred eleven thousand eighty.

 

LUKE stops reading, flips to a back page and takes out a pencil to do the math on paper.

 

NATASHA

You don’t even know the answer?

 

LUKE

(once he finishes)

Okay, you’re fine. Which leads me back to my actual first question.

(he looks up from the book)

What am I going to do with you, Sasha?

 

NATASHA

Who said you had to do anything?

 

LUKE

Hey, none of this is my fault.

 

NATASHA

Whatever. It doesn’t matter anyways.

 

LUKE

What?

 

NATASHA

It doesn’t mean anything.

 

Luke nods, as if accepting this, and goes back to reading.

 

LUKE

OD’ing on drugs doesn’t mean anything?

 

NATASHA

Nope.

 

LUKE

So, it was just an accident?

 

NATASHA

Yes.

 

Silence as Luke reads another page of his book.

 

LUKE

What, exactly, did you take?

 

NATASHA

What’s it to you?

 

LUKE

I’m just curious. I heard dozens of different stories at school. Some people say you took Ambien, Vicodin, Oxycontin-- and that you drank gin, Everclear, vodka.

 

NATASHA

Does it really matter?

 

LUKE

You said it didn’t mean anything, and I’m just curious. So I guess, no, it doesn’t really matter.

 

NATASHA

If it doesn’t really matter then I won’t answer.

 

LUKE

Okay.

(glib)

Did you hear about Tyler Thompson last Friday?

 

NATASHA

Obviously not. What did he do?

 

LUKE

Some freshman pantsed him-- which Ms. Fisher managed to somehow completely miss-- and then Tyler said something stupid like he was going to kill the kid. Then Ms. Fisher flips out and writes him up.

 

NATASHA

Isn’t that the second time he’s gotten written up this month?

 

LUKE

Yeah, last time he got in trouble for calling that Mexican kid a lettuce picker.

 

NATASHA

He’s so stupid.

 

LUKE

Coming from the girl who overdosed and is now in the ICU.

 

NATASHA

Is that a joke?

 

LUKE

Yes.

 

NATASHA

Because I’m way smarter than you are.

 

LUKE

Really?

 

NATASHA

You think I’m wrong?

 

Luke stands up and crosses to Natasha’s bed.

 

LUKE

I know you’re wrong-- because you’re full of s**t. You lied to me about what you took. You drank Smirnoff and took a buttload of barbiturates. Methakianine. Not usually something high school students choose to get high off of. I’m not even sure if it has a street name.

 

NATASHA

How did you know what I took?

 

LUKE

I read your chart.

 

NATASHA

So you looked off my chart to see what I took, but then you asked me anyways to see if I would lie. That’s a little more than being just curious.

 

LUKE

My motives were clear--

 

NATASHA

Invasion of privacy--

 

LUKE

Hiding your suicide attempt.

 

Pause.

 

NATASHA

Don’t tell anyone--

 

LUKE

They already know.  They’ve also assigned a therapist to talk to you about it.

(the chart)

Doctor Stone. Get it?

 

NATASHA

Because he talks to stoners, yeah, very funny...

 

LUKE

No one at school knows-- not yet, anyways. I’m not really sure how long you can hide behind patient/physician confidentiality.

 

NATASHA

Okay.

 

Pause.

 

LUKE

Why did you do it?

 

NATASHA

Does it matter?

 

LUKE

Since we’ve already established that your overdose wasn’t an accident, yes, it matters quite a lot.

 

NATASHA

Do you feel guilty?

 

LUKE

I figured, at best, I’m just a moron for not noticing that you were so depressed.

 

NATASHA

I made sure to keep it a secret; no one could have done anything.

 

LUKE

Is that supposed to make me feel better?

 

NATASHA

Don’t blame yourself. Us drug-abusing teens are pretty good at not showing how terrible we feel.

 

LUKE

We shouldn’t have to be. No one should.

 

Pause.

 

NATASHA

Why are you here?

 

LUKE

I’m talking to you?

 

NATASHA

No, I mean why are you here at the hospital?

 

LUKE

I promised myself I’d find out what happened to you. As you said, I am more than just curious.

 

NATASHA

Aren’t you going to leave?

 

LUKE

Why would I do that?

 

NATASHA

You know I tried to kill myself. We’ve both agreed that it wasn’t your fault and that it doesn’t mean anything.

 

LUKE

I don’t believe that it doesn’t mean anything.

 

NATASHA

What?

 

LUKE

How could suicide not mean anything? People trying to kill themselves must have something on their mind.

 

NATASHA

How do you know that? Have you had to deal with suicidal people before?

 

LUKE

Yes.

 

NATASHA

Like who?

 

LUKE

My mother.

 

NATASHA

I shouldn’t have--

 

LUKE

It’s fine. I got over it.

 

NATASHA

How did--

 

LUKE

She drank herself to death.

 

NATASHA

I thought you said she died in a car crash.

 

LUKE

Yeah, she was drinking, and then she got in the car. Guess where she was going.

 

NATASHA

I don’t know.

 

LUKE

Out to get more drinks.

 

NATASHA

She ran out?

 

LUKE

No. But she was afraid that she might. That’s the one thing alcoholics are afraid of, not that they might die from drinking too much-- but that they might run out before they get a chance.

 

NATASHA

Jesus.

(after a beat)

How do you make something like that disappear?

 

LUKE

(shrugs)

I lived with her for fourteen years. She was living off gin and tonics and I worked my a*s off to take care of her and myself. What I was thinking when they told me what happened to her... it’s so awful I can’t even say it.

 

NATASHA

Say it.

 

LUKE

I caught a lucky break.

 

NATASHA

That’s depressing.

 

LUKE

So why did you do it?

 

NATASHA

(deflecting)

How many reasons are there? I was depressed.

 

LUKE

Okay, why are you depressed?

 

NATASHA

Could we not talk about this?

 

LUKE

I just told you about my mother’s suicide. I think I deserve a little compensation.

 

NATASHA

I never asked you to--

 

LUKE

Actually, you did.

 

NATASHA

So what? This isn’t some exchange; I don’t have you to tell you anything just because you told me something. This has nothing to do with you!

 

LUKE

Yes, it does. When you decided to kill yourself-- without telling me-- knowing how it might affect your best friend, you made it my problem.

 

Pause.

 

NATASHA

My parents are dead. It’s different for you because your dad left you and never sees you. And your mother was always drinking and you had to take care of her. So I understand why you didn’t feel bad when they died. But my parents were always there for me. But when they... I was taken to my grandmother. I called her. And she liked things the way she liked them. She believed in discipline. I never did anything wrong around her-- that’s why I’m such a good student-- because of her. I was too scared of being forced to sleep in the yard or taking a bath in ice water.

 

LUKE

Do you still live with her?

 

NATASHA

(shrugs)

She’s still my grandma.

 

LUKE

Was there any truth in that story?

 

NATASHA

Yes.

 

LUKE

You wouldn’t have stayed with her. Something would have changed.

 

NATASHA

Maybe you would have.

 

LUKE

You wouldn’t stay with her.

 

NATASHA

It’s true.

 

LUKE

You wouldn’t kill yourself over that!

 

NATASHA

Calm down.

 

LUKE

I’m not going to calm down, because you’re lying to me, again! If people killed themselves over grief, or because of abusive parents, or because of bullying we’d see people popping pills left and right. Which brings me back to my question: if it isn’t what you’ve lost that you can’t handle, maybe it’s what you won’t lose-- what you’d rather die than give up.

 

NATASHA

But if you die you will give it up.

 

LUKE

No, you’ll be dead.

 

NATASHA

You’re wrong. It took me a lot of work to finally bring myself to do it and the one thing I will not give up is exactly that.

 

LUKE

What?

 

NATASHA

The one thing I will not give up is giving up. That’s all I have left. I gave up parts of my life one at a time. Stoically, at first. But then I realized that my courage was pointless. I was a part of my own decay and there was nothing I could do about it.

(motions to the room)

Life is like a dark room. Everything you do shuts a door. Until there is only one way out.

 

LUKE

That’s pretty dark.

 

NATASHA

Yes, it is.

 

LUKE

Don’t you think that the world can only be as good as you allow it to be?

 

NATASHA

Yes. But I can’t lie to myself and believe in the best when I know it doesn’t exist. Do you believe it exists?

 

LUKE

Sure, I do.

 

NATASHA

Well, I don’t.

 

LUKE

Why not?

 

NATASHA

You think I don’t understand. But I don’t think you want to hear what I do understand.

 

LUKE

Try me.

 

NATASHA

It would just depress you.

 

LUKE

I’ll get over it.

 

NATASHA

It’s worse than you think.

 

LUKE

That’s okay.

 

NATASHA

You don’t want to hear this.

 

LUKE

I do.

 

NATASHA

Fine. Like I said before, people give up parts of their lives. Think of your favorite musician: will that music last forever? No. But that doesn’t make that music worthless, does it? You come to terms with the fact that you’re going to die someday. You know it’s there-- waiting. Little by little, it takes things away from you. Until there’s only one thing left. Every road ends in death-- even worse. Every friendship, every love, betrayal, disease. It all has the same conclusion for everyone.

 

LUKE

So? The end sucks, that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy it.

 

NATASHA

I don’t think of what I’m saying as some nihilistic paradigm of the world. I think of it as the world itself. If people saw their lives for what they truly were-- without dreams or lies-- they wouldn’t be able to offer a single reason why they wouldn’t want to end it as soon as possible.  Intelligence cannot avoid making people aware of how futile it all is.

 

LUKE

You’re saying that only idiots aren’t suicidal?

 

NATASHA

Yes.

 

LUKE

Seriously?

 

NATASHA

Yes. Only people can see that life is just full of pain that leads to the inevitable.

 

LUKE

You can’t eliminate pain. What would life be like if we didn’t have pain?

 

NATASHA

There would be nothing left but pleasure.

 

LUKE

How would we be able to tell that we were happy if we were never sad? There can’t be pleasure without pain.

 

NATASHA

I get it. You can’t have one without the other. But life is pain. Every day, you find reasons to go on, or you don’t. You did-- you can get over things as bad as your mom killing herself. But... I’m all out of reasons.

 

Pause.

 

LUKE

Thank you for telling me.

(beat)

I should go.

 

An awkward silence as Natasha watches Luke pick up his books and leave.

 

END OF PLAY

Author's Note

I really don't want to hear anything like: "it's too depressing" I just want to know what you think about the two characters, their situation, and (most importantly) their relationship. The usual.

Reviews

[Epipsychologist]

I think the characters and their situation are both compelling, and realistic. Luke seems more like a pushing force and Natasha seems inert. That, however, is why I think Luke should present a slightly stronger argument at the end. I get that Natasha is smarter than him and I don't mind her winning, it just seems like Luke gives up faster than I expected from his otherwise persevering forensic-psychology type exploring. Overall the play is well written and interesting.

[bill]

She's a genius, and she's figured out that life sucks. She knows that if people weren't so stupid, they'd commit suicide. She has developed a professorial attitude toward her OC/death disorder. His interest in her is more intellectual than emotional. He is glad to know why she wants to die, and either doesn't give a crap or accepts her decision as final. I don't mean for any of that to be flippant. You wanted to know what I think of their situation, etc. and that is what I think. It is a depressing subject, but their interaction is mostly on an intellectual plane, and emotion takes a back seat.