The outsider

Writing from the view of someone who doesn't understand. Kind of a long riddle.

My coat is taken from me as soon as I arrive; it is hung on a metal rail among a dozen others. One of the younger recruits, still in training, takes me to the end of the long room. I am put into a low seat, tipped backwards and my neck is contorted at a painful angle against a cold surface. I am unable to see what is happening behind me, and so jump when the hot water suddenly hits.

I then have to endure the waiting; I do not know how long it will last. I am given propaganda to read and a cup of something bitter which scalds my throat. I am almost glad when they finally come back for me.

I am lead to a row of identical chairs, higher, with upright backs. There are others like myself, wearing uniform black sacks. I wonder if I look as much of a drowned rat as my comrades do. A uniform is handed to me.

As the interrogation begins I realise I will be forced to watch the whole process in the mirrored wall in front of me, turning my face away is no longer an option as long sharp implements are brandished behind my head.

They start to cut. After a while they seem to forget that we are human, my comrades and I. They don’t seem interested in the answers to their questions. They begin to hum or talk amongst themselves. Nothing that I say seems to effect their progressing destruction.

I had almost forgotten those sat beside me, but the woman in the next seat is brought back to my attention as a large machine is wheeled over to her and pulled down over her head, stained red. One of the disaffected youths walks down the line, cleaning up the mess left by their elders, without even a sideways glance at us.

My head feels so light by the time they are finished; I wobble as I stand. I hand over the money from my pocket in exchange for my coat, and walk out of the door with a cold neck and an itchy back.

Reviews

[Viccy Rogers]

You've used lots of higher level vocabulary which has added an element of complexity to the story. The length is effective as it leaves the story quite open for the reader to draw their own conclusions. I think what could really improve it is a stabbing one-word paragraph at the end, to make one final point that really stands out to the reader. Other than that, very interesting plot, well done:)

[Woody]

I love this. a very original idea. the story is clear though ambiguous. it's quite witty, too. the narrative and descriptions are spot on, I think.
I wouldn't change a word. I like the way you ended the story, personally. no need for any explanation.