A Lonely Journey

Basically a fictional story of me dealing with one of my worst fears.

                He pulled his car around the end of the row in the parking lot he was cruising through. Turning again shortly after, he slowly started up the next row looking for an open space. Two children came out from the side of a minivan; the younger child darted out completely unaware of the man and his car. The older child called out to him in time to keep any harm from coming to him. Then the mom appeared and he could tell that the younger child was be chastised for not having paid any attention to his surroundings. She then looked over at him and his car and pointed. The young child turned to look and his little face changed to the characteristic oops look children get when they’ve done something wrong.

                He had stopped his car the moment he caught the movement of the children. Then he simply nodded to the mother as she ushered the children down the row towards the mall. He continued down the row slowly and eventually found an empty space. He turned the engine off and took a deep breath. As he sighed he unbuckled the seatbelt and opened the door while retrieving the keys. His car immediately started dinging at him as he had forgotten to turn off his headlights. Remedying the situation he got out and closed the door, locking it with a push of a button. The family had caught up to him by then and the mother looked at him and smiled apologetically. He nodded with a small smile that conveyed that all was good.

                He walked to the end and waited for traffic to allow him to cross. He picked up the pace of his walk as he neared an escalator. Feeling slightly amused at his sudden burst of momentum as he climbed the steps he found himself at the top in just moments. He turned to the left and walked along the second level towards his overall goal of the trip. He walked with a purpose and kept his people watching to a minimum. Window displays caught his attention every so often as they were designed to do.

                As he got closer to the spot where the store was the last time he was in the mall, he realized that it was in fact not there. Frowning a bit and slowing his pace he looked around and ahead some thinking that he just misremembered its actual location. Once he was certain it wasn’t there he walked along to the nearest directory. A few moments at the directory showed him that the store was still in the mall, just in a new location. Getting his bearings he continued to the new location. At this point he let himself people watch a bit more while he walked.

                He was at the store before he knew it and as he walked in he took in a deep breath smelling the kaleidoscope of scents from all of the lotions and washes that the store specialized in. He paused long enough to see that although in a new location the layout remained the same. The merchandising had changed as usual. He moved to the right wall and began his search at about the same time he was spotted by the stores greeter.

                “Welcome to….” She paused as he looked over at where she was reworking a rack. She simply smiled an almost sad smile as a glint of recognition crossed her eyes.

                The man smiled his own matching sad smile and waved one of his hands as an afterthought as he turned back to his search. He was looking for a specific product pattern, and hoped that they hadn’t changed it. A sinking feeling was beginning to take over as he realized that the company had made some changes. There was new product mixed in with the old product. And they seemed to have put a theme to groups of scents. Frowning some he started to turn to look along the other wall when the woman that greeted him came up beside him.

                “Here’s what you are looking for Billy.” She said as she handed him what he was in fact looking for. Looking down he confirmed that it was the lotion he came to get and smiled back at her his gratitude.

                “Thanks Sandy, when did you guys move?” He asked.

                “About two months ago” She replied as she walked with him towards the back of the store where the registers were located.

                “Ah…” he said absentmindedly as he looked at the cashier finishing up a sale with another customer. “Glad not everything has changed a few new faces though.” He added as he stepped up to the cashier looking over at Sandy he smiled again.

She continued around to a different register and waved him over to her. He moved over and handed the lotion back for her to process. As he was reaching for his wallet in his back pocket he got the question he was dreading form the other store employee.

“New but willing, is that for your wife sir?” asked the clerk as he looked at the lotion and tried to be conversational. Looking up his face turned to confusion as he saw Sandy’s face change to a sterner look. She shook her head slightly trying to get him to stop, but the damage was done.

The man tensed up and got a far off look on his face. His movements were stiff and lifeless as he pulled out some cash and handed it over to Sandy. Looking down at the counter he took a deep breath and tried to keep from cracking. That was the last thing he wanted to do was break down in public, especially right then.

“I-I’m sorry sir, I d-didn’t mean to…” the employee stammered as he tried to recover from a mistake he didn’t know he was making.

“It’s okay, and no it’s for me in a roundabout way. Sandy will tell you about it when I’m gone.” He said with a sad smile. “No big deal really, but if I’m good here I got to go now.”

“Yea all set Billy, everything’s in the bag.” Sandy said as she handed the bag over to him.

Taking the bag he nodded his thanks as he felt his throat start to swell up. He quickly turned and walked out the store cursing the events that made it next to impossible for him to keep a straight face on his walk back to his car. He looked back through the window as he turned out of the store to see the new employee raising a hand to an equally shocked face. Billy paused long enough to catch Sandy’s eye and he nodded again and walked away.

Billy had made it to his car faster than the initial walk in. The only way he could keep his composure was to frown. This caused a few double takes his way, but he rather them think he was angry at something than what he was really feeling. He fumbled with his keys a bit and got into the car. He set the bag on the passenger seat and took a few deep breaths trying to calm down. Once he felt that he was moderately successful he started up the car and continued his drive home. The radio and traffic helped to distract him, and the entire shopping experience was no longer on his mind by the time he was pulling into his garage.

He grabbed the shopping bag and a few other things that he carried with him back and forth to work day, and closed up the car and garage before continuing into the house. He put the bag down on the kitchen counter and paused slightly as his eye caught the newspaper clipping taped to the wall from a couple of years earlier. He already knew what the article was about, but he kept it because of a picture that was associated with it. Staring back at him was a typical family picture of the sort that comes from a studio shot. Two young children, a boy and younger girl, were in front with somewhat fake smiles on their faces. Just behind them sat their mother with a more natural smile, and then finally himself standing and smiling as well.

Feeling his throat starting to swell up again he briefly brushed his fingers over the woman and kids before turning away to prepare a meager dinner. As he was getting the ingredients out to make a quesadilla he heard the foot falls of one of his cats walking into the kitchen. Looking over he saw that it was the boy cat.

“Meow” the cat greeted as they made eye contact.

“Dude, Mr. Toby dude, how’s it going?” He said with a horrible surfer accent.

            “Meeoow!” replied the cat looking a bit more animated as he walked over closer to Billy.

            “Yea? What else?” Billy asked as he continued making his dinner.

            “Meow.” Toby added as he sat down looking up at him.

            “Where’s your sister? How’s Attie doing today?” asked Billy as he looked back over at the cat.

            Toby looked around and yawned, looked a bit board and started licking a front paw. He also managed to look uninterested in the course of the conversation in only the way a cat can do.

            “Oh so were done here then huh?” chuckled Billy.

            “Meow.” Replied Toby as he stood and walked back out of the kitchen.

            Billy finished making his dinner and sat down with it in the living room. He turned on the television and browsed the channels a bit. Not liking what was on he took a deep breath and switched over to the DVD player to start the movie that was in it. As the opening music and credits started up his throat swelled again. He was joined by both cats, one in his lap and the other laying herself next to him just far enough away to put her back paws up against his leg. For the next hour and half he just cried silently watching the movie that he and his wife first saw together, and absent mindedly petting both of the cats. When it was over he simply moved a cat and got up. Billy walked over to the counter he had put the shopping bag on and fished out the lotion.

            He tossed it onto the bed as he walked into the bedroom. He proceeded to do his nightly routine in the bathroom and after splashing some cold water on his face and drying it he when back into the bedroom. He sat on the bed and pulled both of the pillows over to him and removed their covers. He opened the lotion and put just enough in one had to lightly cover both palms. He then rubbed one pillow as if he was drying his hands and repeated the process on the other pillow. Closing up the lotion he then replaced the pillow covers.

            He arranged them back into place and laid down resting his head on one and pulling the other around to hold onto. Then reached back over to the nightstand and by feel alone started a portable cd player that was hooked up to a couple of speakers. Wiggling a bit he got himself comfortable and brought the other pillow closer to his face and took in the sweet tangy flower smell that reminded him of his wife.

            He closed his eyes and another tear escaped from one as the sound of a playground being used by children finally started up. He listened specifically for two voices and smiled a bit as he found them and drifted off to sleep. In his dreams he was back at that playground smiling and watching his son and daughter playing with some other children while he hugged his wife as they sat on a bench and smelled the lotion that she always used.

Author's Note

This is a super rough draft. I realy don't plan on working it up any more unless there seems to be a strong feedback to do so.

Reviews

[Sami Khalil]

A splendid draft...............................

[Running Gnome]

Thank you Sami, it's taken me some time (most of my writing life) to come to terms with sharing my work. You are the first outside of my circle of freinds and family to provide not only a good review but and encouraging one as well. I find it amazing that even with such a simple review that I'm so encuraged to put more out there.

[Sami Khalil]

Wow. You are welcome...By all means. Please do...:).................