Chapter twelve: Forbidden knowledge

Hope anyone who reads enjoys this. If you have the time leave me a comment, thank you.

-12- Forbidden knowledge

 

Awaking the next morning was the one time recently, I haven’t panicked. Rolling lazily from bed, I heard the knocking again, but the door opened this time. Urving was standing in the doorway, a whole new bear! He had on a uniform, dress shirt and slacks, with polished black shoes. His bow tie was a bit crooked, but the shades in his pocket and the heavy vest made him look quite official. He had shaved or… trimmed… or whatever they do! His hair was combed back, he was wearing cologne of some kind, and his ear was adorned with a secret agent listening piece. The odd thing, which I was instantly confused about, was that he was wearing clothes officially. I thought their kind just didn’t wear clothing. Urving quickly addressed me and gave me my answer.

“I’m working club Hyper tonight, so I may not be back till later.” He announced, his face twisting with sadness. “Ferris said he’ll come over as soon as he can to keep ya company! See ya buddy! Breakfast is in the warm drawer!” Urving leaned in and tapped his maw against the top of my head.

 

“Oh, uhh… Bye Urving!” I was still out of it, but hearing breakfast perked me up. “Have a good day!” I waved as he vanished around the corner, his tiny tail even more styled than usual.

“See ya Issac! I’ll give you a call on my breaks, k?” He called through the house to me.

“Alright, thank you.” I was unsure of what to say back, I’m not a child…

 

Still, it felt awesome knowing I was not only able to go back to sleep, I had the whole house to… my…self… Oh god, I’m scared now. I shut the curtains in my room, leading to the backyard and the curtains behind the couch. Seeing outside was a little frightening! Urving isn't here… What do I do if something goes wrong? Trying to remain calm, I decided the best thing to do would be to go back to sleep. Just try to forget it… Remain calm and sleep…

It worked! I awoke about three hours later (not entirely sure) and felt a lot more invigorated. Hopping from bed, I yawned, washed my face, then proceeded to fetch breakfast! He said warm drawer… What the hell is a warming drawer? Wait… Urving pulled a pie or something from a drawer during the party… That very same drawer, the inside of which was like a toaster, now held a hearty breakfast! A mug of coffee and a plate of food awaited me in a temperature controlled drawer! A warming drawer, awesome! He had made omelets and bacon! Lots of bacon, even inside my light, fluffy omelet!

 

Munching down breakfast and watching Tv, I soon realized they have a strange eye for entertainment. On this planet the things we shunned seem to be rampantly apparent. Sexually explicit material, overt violence, gore beyond measure, nudity of all species, unsuitable language, and real life carnage were all mainstays of this place. Not saying they didn't have romantic dramas, kids shows, and comedies, just the other stuff seemed to have higher budget and better quality. This grew dull, as reading subtitles really sucks the life out of watching a show, but not knowing what they are saying is even worse. After another hour or so, I was done and had a sudden idea. Peeking around the corner a heir of uncertainty struck me… What if he finds out I was in his room? The door is open already, he is also incredibly inviting… What’s the worst that could happen? Stepping in, I imagined my first experience in this room… Terror, confusion, and rage filled my thoughts, but I turned my attention elsewhere. My file… I want to read my file! Searching around, snooping would be a better word, I eventually found a cabinet, which was filled with loose papers. None involved my adoption. In his closet though, jackpot! I slapped the others onto the bed, but carried mine out into the living room, where I cracked the shades and got my monocle. This is really exciting! They have a lot of information here and even if it is more about Urving that will still be interesting…

 

First off, a page that was used a type of table of contents. It had my name at the top, nickname in place of middle name. A type of barcode or line pattern was displayed at the four corners of this page. It had my eye color, hair color, skin color and tone, height, weight, and something called a threat level, which was three. Two of the pictures Urving showed me, were posted here as well. Below all of that, it was broken into a list of intrigue. Discovery, life, pursuit, crimes, capture, records, and adoption were listed with tab colors. Let’s read about my life shall we? Holy crap… They know everything! I am reading things I had even forgotten! First girl friends, first physical confrontation, first time mating, human laws broken, times served in militant forces, level of social status, social importance, useful talents, marketable talents, religious standing, supernatural tendencies, possible psionic or psychic abilities, possible mutagen, poorest ever, richest ever, time of family members deaths, and the list goes on! It covers everything you would need to read, in order to get to know me on a deeper personal level! This is freaking incredible… and creepy! They even know my parents names! Next to their names, Margret and Mason, was a small green line of words. It read, LIFE: page eleven. Quickly flipping through the book, I found the page that was labeled “Family”.

 

Choking on a gasp, I dropped the book and clutched my own legs. Never would I believe it anywhere else, but… this book says my parents are dead! I sort of knew it in the back of my mind, yet seeing this and reading they died during capture brings an incredible mix of emotions. I was happy they did not have to suffer the indignity and dread, but I am also mortified they didn’t ever learn the truth! The pictures printed into the pages made me shudder, as I slowly touched their faces, covering them from view. Unlike my precious mirror, these were… autopsy photographs. Tears flowed openly and I struck the table with all my might, instantly recoiling my throbbing hand. The pain was galvanizing, as I sobbed at my long dead parents expense. Should I… do I join them? If I kill myself, will I get to see my parents again? No… there is no such thing as a heaven or a hell. For my life before was heaven and I have been through hell… Tears still lining my cheeks, I picked the file up off the floor and returned to its pages, desperately avoiding those two…

 

Choosing to start again at the beginning, discovery, I found it to be an extensive report by the animal, who found out I was still on earth. How or what device he used to determine this is beyond me, but a detailed report had been made, tracking me from L.A. to the woods of northern California. What scared me was how close of a detail they had on me, since I was on the run for so long! This is scary… It was as if an outside source had been watching me, ever since the first attack in L.A. I wonder how many other peoples file simply says “captured” or “captured on sight”. How many humans didn't get a chance to run… Did I get others captured or were we each individually monitored? This is some sick s**t when you think about it…

 

Skipping over the life tab entirely, I decided to read about my pursuit and again a wave of eerie fear shivered up my spine. They tracked me and had lists of others whom I contacted and associated with. The search parties, the caravans, the liberation efforts… All of our plans, from camp positions to battle coordinates, had been thoroughly reviewed. Nothing about my freedom was ever truly free… They have been watching longer than I have been alive… My god… Was I ever not under the watch of this cosmic life form? Even before the invasion, when I thought the government watched me, were aliens really out there? Choking up for a minute, I decided not to read all of the dead and captured, which I had encountered through ought my journey… How the hell do they know? This is impossible! They cannot possibly keep a record this detailed on each of us, can they? Is that a job in this world? To watch and track human beings? This is so hard to believe by just reading it… Shivering from unrest, I skipped ahead, not wanting to understand this secret tyranny. Ignorance will free me from its oppressing grasp…

 

Crimes was labeled plainly and I decided to read further, but was instantly paralyzed by what I saw. The memory… the one thing I have ever tried desperately to repress, was now here staring me in the eyes. A skirl of sorrow escaped me, as I collapsed in on myself and couldn’t fight the memories from flooding my mind… Oh god, I’m so sorry! I can’t believe what I did. F**k me, I can’t believe Urving knows about this… and he still cares… How is that even possible? How do they know about this anyway? Oh my god… No, this isn’t my fault! I’m so sorry! Please don’t blame me… I-I-…I’m not… a killer…

 

“Halt right there! Easy boy-o!” The young dog popped from behind a tree, his rifle at his hip. “Just stay calm and nothing bad’ll happen to you! I promise!” His words echo in my mind, sweeping a tsunami of guilt over me and crushing me into despair.

His name was Dalton Grain, as the file informed me. Not much was said about him, but I gathered he was inexperienced. The young shepherd dog was a cadet fresh out of graduation. He was only four years older than me… God, now that I am staring at his face, the memory is so vivid and clear… Like a murky pool of water had been instantly purged away, revealing the true depths of my sorrow. Bawling with unmatched sadness, I fell over throwing the vile packet of papers against the wall. This didn’t change a thing and as if fate guided it, the file fell open on his face. Each tear felt heavy with pure remorse, guilt, and self-loathing. Each breath shallow with the hopelessness and despair I was steeping in.

 

“I’m gonna take this from ya, stay calm alright?” The dog held his gun one handed, leaning in to take my pistol.

 

It was impossible to erase what I did, the memory… Oh god I can’t escape this, I have to live with this unending, misery bringing, knowledge everyday! No, please let me go back! I will do anything, I would give up willingly, please just… f*****g change this! This isn’t right, I did something bad and I want to… I’ll try to… Oh my f*****g god… The tears hurt then, they were physically painful. Each little droplet was accompanied by a heaving breath of loud, almost tangible woe. Collapsing off the couch, I kicked outward hoping it would hurt me greatly. Somehow the pain would make up for what I did, if I could feel enough of it… If I could have felt stronger, braver, something… maybe things would be different…

 

I remember snatching his gun the second he got close enough. We fought and he was actually rather strong. The dog was in immense fear though, my heart is heavy with the remembrance of this… I remember throwing him to the ground, but he kicked the rifle from my hands. I drew my pistol, but he tackled me and we toppled over one another. Once able footed, I pulled my knife and swung downward with a vicious cry of rage. We struggled, his eyes wide with absolute terror, as I slowly brought the knife closer… His struggling grunts and growls, quickly shifted to whimpers and whines… I remember… I… I smiled when I started to overpower him. Oh god… I deserve to die... Jesus Christ please forgive me…

 

Staring into the young dogs eyes, across the room, I was forced to relive flashes of when I killed him… I remember the tiny needle points, which were his pupils as he begged me for his life. He… I remember distinctly… he begged me to let him live. He said… that his family needed him… We fought and fought, I remember pressing down with all my might, but all he could do was ask for my mercy. My memory is forcing me to repeat the exact words he used… So peaceful, so endearing…

 

“Wait, just stop… Calm down alright? No one wants to hurt anyone, but you!” The young dog struggled to keep me from stabbing him. “Look at my gun, please! It doesn’t fire bullets like yours!” Back then I thought he was lying, but now... “Please stop this, you don’t want to hurt me! Please… just… stop!” God he was right, I was too weak and afraid to see it though... “Please! We can just talk, m-maybe we c-could be-…” He released a yipe sound, half human shout and half canine scream.

 

That disturbing cry of agony… of surrendered hope… Why? Why was I so eager to cause this? I wanted to live, but knowing… seeing… remembering… He was just as important! This poor animal was harmless and that matters beyond my will to live… Heaven above, his animalistic cries of suffering wont stop echoing within my skull… Oh god, kill me now! My hands slowly clenched around my skin, until I was certain I would tear it straight off my legs! I remember feeling incredibly… relieved, like this was the best outcome and I had “won”. My heart stops each time I review his agonized, final moments. I want to kill myself each time I remember him, desperately mouthing the word, “friends”. He was so confused and estranged to what was happening that his shock was painfully visual… I watched him come to grips with what had happened and what would happen soon. His tiny whimpers were so sad, but even then, he just begged for me to help him… I did nothing however, except observe the creatures writhing to death. The worst part was how personal the experience was… after the knife went in, I didn’t let go. At first, I felt his fluttering heartbeat, reverberate through the handle, slowly fading until I was shaken free by his meek fighting…

 

It was painful to watch him clamber for his breaths, as he struggled to remove the bowie knife from his chest. It was not long until it happened… I watched his hope, his hate, his love, his lament, his pain, his suffering, his heart, his mind, his soul, his perception, his deepest fears, his entirety, boil away into one moment, which was death. This moment… this absolutely dreadful moment, is the one I always tried to lock away. Just the sight of the poor dogs eyes, fading then quickly falling lifeless, was haunting and has become the absolute essence of remorse and grief. Seeing this picture has created a paragon of self hatred… I am nothing… I am less than nothing… Dirt and s**t have more meaning than I do… Tears were constant at this point, unavoidable, and I couldn’t stop shaking. Now I understand why Urving hid my files contents behind the ruse of paperwork. My god, he knows what I am… What I have done… How does he... care? Why does he want to take care of me so badly, knowing the things my past holds?

 

This is what threat level three means! I have… I killed one of their kind. Does this make me subject to a greater punishments? This is all that is listed in the crimes section, aside from some thefts and fights I perpetrated as a youth on earth… Just the fact that they know… They are aware of my chaotic, horrible actions… Should I have surrendered? Would it have been easier to simply give up? Dalton would have had a chance… His family would still have had their son, father, husband, and brother… Why did I fight? Why so hard? D-did I… want to kill him? No, I swear I thought I would have died! I wouldn’t have tried to escape if I knew, if I understood… God, please grant me forgiveness, I’m so sorry. Another ocean of tears spewed from my tightly shut eyes, but all I could do was rock myself gently, praying this wouldn’t come back to haunt me. What will Urving say? What does… he think of me? Holy s**t I feel so empty…

 

My contemplation shifted toward suicide… It felt appropriate to take my own life, considering what I have done. My world would put me to death or imprison me for many years. This hurts… God my heart feels like it is going to break apart and I will be no more. I need to die… I deserve to die… It is what is fair! It is what I deserve! F**k me and everything about me! What do I do? How do I do it? I want it to be quick… But I deserve to suffer immeasurably… God forgive me because no one else ever should…

 

I dared not touch another page of the file. Even seeing my own hands would flash images of blood soaked skin, retrieving the knife. Glimpsing my feet would show moments of bloody boots, stomping through the woods. My life means nothing, I… I’m evil… Why wasn’t I killed? There is no reason I should be treated this way, these gifts… the room… I deserve death! I have butchered another being without ramification, but feel endless remorse… Does that say something? Am I evil or was that not… F**k, it hurts, so god damned much… He was more important than I, that is all it crumbles down to! The room suddenly fell dead quiet, as a rapid thumping was heard nearby. It happened again and I recognized it to be knocking! Taking a deep breath I headed toward the door, but it began to open prematurely! Fear filled me and I though about running, but was unsure why I didn’t move.

“Hello Issac, how are you today?” It was Ferris, his soothing monotone led me to slyly remove my tears.

“Fine, thanks for dropping by.” I waved, as the door shut behind him.

“Urving said you would like some company. Mind if I stay a while?” He set down a briefcase, but I was more drawn to the intense stare, which was felt through his shades.

“Of course! Good to see you!” I waved and tried to sound friendly, but it was no use.

“Why… why were you crying?” Ferris’s voice suddenly dropped and he removed his sunglasses.

“Nah, I wasn’t crying man! Just sort of glum today…” It was a good cover, considering he was probably reading my mind right now.

 

“Issac, I will not touch your thoughts if you do not want to talk. But I am someone you can trust.” A small smile crept up his face, but his eyes remained staring.

“Thanks Ferris…” I muttered, then made my decision. “Well come on in! Anything I can get you?” I was going to keep it covered up… as best I could…

 

“Yes, some tea would be lovely.” He responded, following me into the kitchen.

“Right, uhh… teapot…” I began looking about, but Ferris chuckled lightly.

“Let me show you my friend.” His words hurt emotionally, when thinking on Dalton’s dying words.

 

Moving to a cabinet, he opened it and then reached into a half opened cardboard box. This container was bright blue, with yellow trim, but I could not read the text at all. Ferris proceeded to remove a pill sized capsule from a box in the cabinet. After filling a cup with water, half way, he dropped in this capsule. Much like a cartoon, the glass jumped, shook about, made surging energy noises… then became tea. A glass of steaming hot, freshly made, herbal tea now awaited its proper temperature, in order to be drank. Why did I assume I would have to boil water? This world has taken almost all time consuming tasks out of its day to day life.

 

“Would you like some?” He offered a small cube shaped capsule my way, but I shook my head. “Is something on your mind? You seem... distant…” It was no use, I couldn’t keep myself together…

 

“Nope, I-I’m fine! N-nothing wrong!” I felt my tears surging forward and I turned away to go into the living room.

“Issac… it wasn’t your fault.” Ferris said this to my turned back, but its impact sent me to my knees, sobbing.

“Oh god, you said you wouldn’t read my mind!” I wept more, unable to keep myself upright any longer.

“I didn’t have to Issac. Seeing the file and your tear stained cheeks, I deduced it swiftly.” Ferris responded to my total mental and physical collapse.

“I’m so sorry… Please you have to believe me! I’m n-not a k-kill-.” Ferris cut me off with a gentle touch of my back.

“I know that Issac, I know…” Ferris ran his paw over my head, but I just sobbed and clutched the carpet. “You are not a killer Issac and I trust you completely. Urving loves you very dearly and he is entirely aware of what happened on earth.” Ferris tried to console me, as I writhed in misery and self disdain.

“No… god I knew it…” Was all my voice could manage to wheeze out between heaving breaths. “How can he want me around?”

“Urving is caring and understands that you were frightened. Fear is the dividing line between sanity and instinct… It can make someone do things they would never do.” Ferris replied, pulling gently to invite me to sit up.

“I wish… I wish he had left me... I wish I had died.” I whispered, but a paw brought my eyes to his.

“You do not mean that, I know.” Ferris lightly sighed, a hint of depression slipping out.

 

“No… I want to die. No one should have to be arou-.” Tears cut me off before Ferris could, but I knew he had a counter argument.

 

“Just listen, please. When Urving visited the other humans suggested for him, they all fell apart with fear… but you did not.” His words were intriguing, they stalled my sobbing for a moment.

“Why did that matter? Didn’t he think I would… kil-.” Ferris placed a paw on my shoulder, his face shifting toward disappointment.

“You are not violent Issac, I can see this in you. Many beings relish in inflicting pain upon living creatures. Your heart does not hold any of this vile feeling.” Ferris was insistent, as he gripped my shoulder tighter. “You are a good man Issac and what you did does not define you.”

 

“How can I face Urving though… he knows about what I did?” Inside, I was more afraid of not being able to face Urving with the same friendship.

“Urving was overjoyed once he met you. I remember him telling me, that you were the bravest little man he had ever seen. Of course, I naturally warned my friend about your past and threat level. Do you know what Urving said?” Ferris waited a moment, as I wiped my nose and eyes on my sleeve.

 

“If he wants to kill me, I’ll kill him with kindness! He’ll be a good friend, if I’m good to him, right?” Urving’s voice echoed in my mind as Ferris mouthed the words…

It hurt, hearing my owner, my friend, speak so highly of his savage alien human. The ghostly disembodied voice was like God or Satan, speaking a backhanded judgment. I was frightened, but I understood Ferris’s powers, which led me to disregard this feeling. This is not right… Don’t console me, end me! I deserve to die and nothing can change what I have done! F**k, the pain is so immense it-.

 

“You do not deserve to die. Issac, stop thinking like that please.” Ferris grabbed my other shoulder, rubbing them both gently. “Urving signed a contract when he took you into his home. It says, that this human is getting a new life, a clean slate, as long as he is with you. Do you understand? Urving doesn’t care about your past… He told me he didn’t want to tell anyone about it. All this, what you’re feeling, is just repressed sorrow, nothing more. Now please try to calm yourself…” His paws slid forward clasping me into a hug, as I was overwhelmed once again.

 

His shoulder became a temporary sanctuary to release the ultimate guilt, which was murder. I am a murderer, but it is not something I planned, wanted, or wish to repeat. These beasts, the strangers, will not know, but Urving and the others do… That hurts so greatly… Ferris was gently rubbing my back now, as he rocked me in his arms and encouraged my crying. What do I do? How do I go on? Do I strive to live for both of us, or do I repress myself and live in secrecy as punishment? Everything hurts, physically my eyes, jaw, and lungs… but emotionally is so much worse. Ferris guided me to the couch and had a seat, with me next to him.

 

“Issac, may I ask you something very important?” Ferris’s voice became less supportive and was… 4cold.

“Y-yeah… what is it?” My reply was sniffled and coughed out.

“You have thought about harming Urving before, correct? Not recently, but you have held violence in your heart against him… Is this true?” His voice was grave and the severity of what he asked hit me hard.

“Y-yes, but it was different! I thought he wanted to eat me!” I quivered with insecurity, which was weighing upon my already fragile emotions. “I would never just attack him for no reason!”

 

“I believe you Issac, you should trust I do.” Ferris cracked a tiny smile, as he tapped his temple. “Do you want to know what Urving was most afraid of? What made him worry the greatest?” Ferris offered, but I was unsure if I wanted to know… he told me regardless. “He was afraid of you running away. He threw a party so you would want to stay and feel invited. His worst fear was not being able to find you, if you escaped. Overall, he was afraid you would get hurt out there…” Ferris was dark eyed for a moment, looking at the floor.

“I wanted to run… so badly…” I admitted softly, clutching my legs to my chest. “I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I don’t belong here! Can’t Urving understand?” I begged Ferris, but that mattered little, as he is the ultimate logic.

“Issac, you are a part of this persons life now. Just because they know something disturbing about you, does not mean you can just run away…” Ferris showed hints of desperation in his folded ears and altered tone. “Urving doesn’t want to judge you, hurt you, or do anything bad. He wants to help you belong and so do I.” Ferris’s smiled warmly, as he could probably sense how touching that statement was to me.

 

“Th-thank you…”A wholehearted smile was all I had to give. “Does… everyone know?” I asked softly, after the silence became to powerful.

“No, only Urving, his sister, and myself.” Ferris was assuring, with a paw placed on his heart.

“What… wh-what do I do?” I asked feeling tears surfacing again. “How do I go on? How do I… make this right?”

“You cannot Issac, the dead are gone and must pass into history. They may only live in our memories.” Ferris bowed his head and his ears folded backward. “But… I can share a memory with you… I can give you my memories of Dalton.” Ferris’s ears perked up suddenly, my heart shattering like a glass bowl.

“Y-you really… can? You knew him?” My replied question was soft and meek. “Is it bad or…” I faded as he shook his muzzle.

“No, Dalton was in my strategies class about six years ago. I remember him little, but the few memories can become special for us both.” Ferris placed a paw outward, his tail arching up over his shoulder.

“I… I don’t know…” I was hesitant, but knew it was my only way to repay Dalton, if only a little… “Last time was just awful… no offense…”

 

“None taken, it is usually not a pleasant experience.” Ferris was understanding, lowering his hand, muzzle, and tail.

 

“I’m afraid… I want to, but I am just scared…” That was just an excuse, like my life…

 

“Fear is an anchor, which holds us in place. It prevents life from moving forward and trying to grow, understand?” Ferris’s simple life lesson felt more important, considering my circumstances.

“Y-yeah… I do. Let me see them…” I held my hand out and bowed my head slightly. “I need to keep his spirit alive, I owe him that…” Tears rolled down my face freely, but Ferris simply nodded.

 

“Please relax. You will not see whole memories, only the shards I am left with these years later.” Ferris informed me and I nodded softly, unsure of how to respond.

Placing my hand in his paw, I felt his tail land atop my head, like a living hat. My breathing became shallow and my vision blurry, but I remained conscious. Before my eyes an empty light spread over my gaze sealing me in a realm of nothing. Blankness consumed all I saw until I was left in a hollow purgatory. Distant specks seemed to approach from nowhere and formed a new realm around me once they passed. Shifting, whirling colors shot by or drifted into form, but as I stared, another location was given solidity. In a cloud, or moment of passing reality, I was standing in a small courtyard…

 

It was a school of some kind, the very astute looking structure loomed overhead. The trees were swaying and dropping leaves easily. The bitter air was damp with the cold of late autumn. Looking away from the trees, I saw him… Dalton stood before me, backpack in hand and smile on his face. The maple colored canine was smiling innocently, rubbing his arm in shame. The striking light green eyes clashed with the earthy decay, which precedes winter. He was scruffier here than when I met him on earth, but fur is thicker for most animals during cold seasons. He spoke, but the words didn’t escape him right away. Instead, each little syllable slowly slid out in a echoing, slurred, mind transcending fashion.

 

“I’m sorry…” He said, an innocence flowing over his face. “I promise to try harder next time.” After these words were spoken, the fabric of my vision unwove.

 

Looking deep into the young dog as he vanished, I felt immeasurable guilt over having killed him… Again I was surrounded by nothingness, save random ribbons of color or distorted sound. Within seconds another memory was upon me and the cloud of mental matter fell into place like building blocks. I felt my feet hit something solid and I was suddenly on a street corner! A coffee cup in my hands and the smell of garbage on my nose, it was a brisk winters day. Cold, but bearable, wet and somewhat icy as well. Turning around, a voice calls to me, it’s Dalton… Several other animals had to part, as he rushed over to me. His mass of wild hair was only parted by his tall excited ears. His warmth was only matched by the excitement he showed for spotting me.

 

“Hey, Mr. Sepluv! Good to see you!” Dalton ran across the street to greet me. “Hope next semester goes better, ya know?” He panted a moment, doubled over, but then looked up with a bright grin.

 

“I’m glad you are so eager. I look forward to seeing you in class.” Ferris’s response was less than ideal, given my third party situation.

They each gave their regards and shared a moment talking, but I was in tears. This memory passed and the empty world took hold once more, yet the feeling had not left entirely. The imprint of seeing Dalton smile cut me to my core, as I was lost in tragedy and self loathing. Watching another moment of Ferris’s past form, I wiped my tears to clear my vision. I have to see this… These memories are perhaps the only way I can even begin to say I am sorry.

 

“Alright, high marks!” Dalton cried, as the memory faded in. “Thanks again Mr. Sepluv!” A little dance broke from him, as he examined his report card.

“You earned it Mr. Grain. Your improvements have been quite impressive.” Ferris’s words made Dalton’s eyes illuminate grandly. “Keep up the good work. You’ll go far!”

F**k me, that is the worst possible thing Ferris could have said. He had a chance… Dalton could’ve been more than a statistic, but I… I am nothing and I drug him down as well. Because of my desperate and misplaced ire, this pure hearted and loving creature had to die… Crying didn’t feel good enough, but it was the only payment I had to give. Dalton’s cheery expression was frozen momentarily in time, but then passed on, as a new memory began taking form.

“I just don’t get it… I always end up getting these wrong!” Dalton was upset, as the next memory solidified. “Maybe your class is to much for this dumb dog…” Dalton’s depression was like lemon juice to my emotional wounds.

We were in the back of a well lit classroom. It was dim with middays sun and the amber light gave little heat. Desks stood in lines, aimed toward the front of the room, where Ferris would normally be teaching. Not many people were there, just Ferris, Dalton, and a few quiet others. I (Ferris), stood over Dalton and examined his work with graceful understanding and patience. If only I been able to maintain my composure back on earth… If only I could have been more like Ferris or Urving…

“Now, now… Is that anyway to treat yourself?” Ferris smiled down at him, as I continued to weep. “I know you can do it! You just have to have faith in yourself.” Ferris’s words gave him encouragement.

 

As Ferris headed toward another student, Dalton spoke up. “Thanks! You’re right, Mr. S!” Ferris glanced back at this, showing me the confidence he had inspired within young Dalton.

 

His life was far more valuable! He didn’t deserve what I did… No one does, except me… This memory visualization process repeated itself many times. I was shown everything, from just noticing Dalton, to watching him steal something, to a moment when Ferris found him crying alone. This is too much… Oh god it hurts, my heart feels so dark and heavy! My head is pounding like a jackhammer! I am not worth the breath I take. My existence steals nourishment and affection from other truly important beings… No one should ever have to see me or deal with me. I should be dead… I should have been executed.

 

The memorial movies became shorter and less detailed. Soon they were faster, less coherent, and frenzied blurs of sound and motion. Pieced together memories, that didn’t even make sense, were pumped into my consciousness. Shards of already broken up remembrance played around me like a damaged videotape. It became so fast, I just stared blankly, unable to take in anything specific, save the few moments my brain was able to capture and retain. Tears had been flowing for the entire ten minutes of this, but I just clutched Ferris’s paw harder, to retain a literal grip on reality.

 

“Wait, no, hello, please, now, yes, bye, never, help, time, you, love…” Daltons voice spoke out randomly, overlapping itself in a maddening way. “Good morning everybody… no one needs to know… I know I’ll fail… No worries…” Words filled the empty space, as images no longer assaulted my mind. “Not a problem… that’s all there is to know… I need your help…” The voice started fading away, as Urving’s living room began materializing around me. “I don’t think so… I hope we can… you can always try… things aren’t so bad, right?” Dalton’s voice repeated random half sentences, as I regained grip on my body. “Friends should never fail you… if you don’t lose, winning wont be as fun… time to try and be happy… I will always be there… ” Just like that… like the knife fell all over again, he was gone…

 

Falling against Ferris, I was suddenly home, in my body. The mental journey through the chaff of psychic illusions had come to an end. All I could do was bawl. Not controlled or poised crying either, I thrashed, kicked, and wailed like a child. What have I done? He was so innocent and I allowed my fear to destroy that… Oh god, seeing this solidifies my desire to die! Ferris gently ran a paw over my head and down my back. How does he trust me? He remembers Dalton, so peaceful and friendly, but he doesn’t hate me for killing him? Does he understand? Is it possible to understand this, I don’t even think I do… Urving, Ferris, and Urma all treated me with love, yet I am a monster! This just doesn’t make any sense… Why am I alive? Why couldn’t I have been more compassionate? Why does anyone want me around?

 

“It was not your fault, fear commanded you. Release all of your sorrow, Issac. It is alright, you are safe now…” Ferris rubbed my back and held me, as I crumbled to nothing.

“I’m so sorry…” A whimper escaped involuntarily. “I’m so very sorry…” I repeated willingly this time.

“Life moves forward, so must you young one. The past shall never govern your future, unless you allow it to.” Ferris placed his muzzle atop my head and curled his tail over my back, like an extra hug.

 

“U-Urving knows… he secretly hates me…” Clutching myself for security, I was overwhelmed with the fear of being alone.

 

“You are wrong my friend. Urving cares so deeply about you. So much, that he was willing to look past what happened.” Ferris explained, leaning back and wiping my tears. “He loves you Issac, I know you feel it…”

It was difficult to avoid anything other than crying. I felt so weak, so helpless to my emotions, while I bled myself dry of tears. Ferris was a constant source of supportive words and was the master of banishing bad thoughts. It was hard to keep negative feelings when Ferris could read my thoughts and keep me on track. This wasn’t right though, no one should care for me that greatly when I am a murderer. Is it different? Do they view killing as less deplorable on this planet? Or am… am I an animal to them? Do they view me as a beast or a wild being? Even if they hold me at lower standards, I hold myself to the responsibility of earth law. I should be imprisoned at the very least…

 

“Issac, do you want to visit Dalton’s grave? We can go together, or we can tell Urving and-.” I cut him off with a grim eyed, silently screaming stare.

“Please no… I don’t think I can…” I muttered with a hoarse whisper. “Urving is so happy… I hate the thought of that…” My heart felt completely dead, but endless pain still flowed forth.

“I will take you Issac, if you wanted. We can keep it a secret.” Ferris was also misty eyed and his fur was damp below his eyes.

“R-really? Thank you Ferris…” I looked up at him, the warming smile bringing  a smile of my own. “Can I ask you something?” The question came suddenly. “Am I… Is there a punishment I face?” My voice crackled under fear.

“No Issac, we do not have jails or executions.” Ferris calmed me a hair, but kept talking. “Dalton read and signed the contract. He knew perfectly well that humanoids were hostile to invaders and that death would be a constant threat. The choice to join the migration effort was his and his alone.” Ferris’s statement put a conflicting sense of fairness in me.

“We thought… it was a war. We prepared to be captured and… tortured, eaten, or just killed…” I bowed my head, staring at the floor.

 

“I assume the few humans still on earth must believe something similar.” Ferris sighed softly, placing a hand outward for me to take. “You do not think this now, correct?” His question garnered only a nod. “Then the problem has been removed. You should never feel the need to fight again unless threatened. Do you agree?” He must be a negotiator or something…

 

“I hate myself for what I did.” A long sigh escaped me, as I gently wiped my face on my shirt. “I would rather be killed than even defend myself…”

“Please look at me Issac…” He awaited my full stare, but it felt awkward. “You are going to be alright. Urving loves you and you are a good man. You are smart, funny, friendly, and unique.” I nearly cried again, but my empty eyes just stung with invisible tears.

 

“Thank you…” I muttered, but his soft smile was response enough. “I am unsure of what to say now…” I shook my head, staring at the ground.

“Try to relax. Let’s just talk, alright?” Ferris swished his tail around to his other side.

 

There was a long silence, which seemed to flow endlessly, as I pondered his words. Though not the same, they were similar to Dalton’s dying words. My heart was distraught, rupturing with the remaining sadness it could hurriedly produce. I am unsure if he was aware of this or if he sensed it through me, but Ferris reacted. A small sigh became a strong sideways hug. He leaned on me and we had a moment of further silence together. It felt nice to just have someone there. Urving would have been ideal, but Ferris felt appropriate somehow. Ferris the fox is much more level headed and calm, than Urving the bear. I couldn’t stand the thought of Urving crying right now, so I quickly shifted my thought process.

 

 I am stronger in a way… Not deserving of the strength, but Dalton deserves more than my suicide. If I ever can, I will find and pay his family… with my life if they desire. Oh man, I hope Ferris didn’t hear that thought… He has to be constantly reading my mind. He has to be afraid that I am going to hurt him, even though I never would. Ferris has been so understanding, both at the party and now as I speak on my darkest memory. This has gone to long without understanding, I have to ask him… If only to clear my head or change the conversation.

“How do you… ya know, use your powers?” I asked him after awhile in thought.

“Do you mean telepathy or shape shifting?” He responded inquisitively, leaning me onto him further.

 

“Reading minds, though I am interested in both.” My response was simple, but not from a human stand point.

 

“When I focus, I can hear whispers. If I listen hard enough these whispers are what a person is thinking and feeling.” Ferris smiled, a pride lighting in his eyes. “Projecting my thoughts or words into another persons conscious, takes a greater deal of focus however.” He added, placing his paw to his forehead for a moment.

 

“That’s… incredible! You can control people by just thinking about it?” Thinking back on comic books from earth, I was amazed this fox man had such powers.

 

“No, that’s entirely different and much more complicated ordeal. To control someone against their will, I have to create a mental illusion, which the victim would believe. If successful, this scenario must also cause them to perform desired actions. For example, if I need someone to open a door for me, I would use the illusion that they just got home from work. It will be easy to mask the door and they would be more than eager to open it, understand?” Ferris chuckled softly, a very pleasing and simple laugh.

 

“Yeah, that’s trippy… D-did it take a while to learn or discover?” I asked him wide eyed and slack jawed.

 

“Well no, my father and grandmother were both telepaths, so it was not a surprise I had similar abilities. During my childhood I was able to sharpen my skills, as I was a bit too aggressive for my size and-.” I cut him off with a short laugh.

 

“Same here bro! I was always in and out of… fights…” This didn't feel or sound as funny as I thought, but Ferris smiled regardless.

 

“Using it then was simply to avoid pain and humiliation, but during my time as a therapist, it has been an essential tool.” He responded, a level of understanding radiating within his voice.

“You’re a therapist? That’s right, you work with humans…” Knowing what was attached to this made my voice shift.

“Yes, it is something I am incredibly proud of! Most humans who arrive here, have suffered mental breakdowns and need a lot of help.” Ferris’s voice was sharp (for Ferris) with pained emotions. “I try my best to recover who they were or at least help them build someone new…”

“Th-thank you… for caring so much.” His face illuminated with warmth and pride.

“You need not thank me. I care deeply for all forms of life and human beings are in a dire situation.” His response filled my heart with freshly brewed sorrow.

“M-may I ask you something?” The question had been on my mind since I first met Ferris. “Why did the poison turn you into an animal? A quadruped I mean…” The irony of my question struck me firm.

 

“It was to send a message. The poison used normally devolves Anthronians into plain animals. They meant to say I was a wild beast for trying to help human kind.” A small spark of rage lit in me, alongside frigid sympathy for Ferris. “Given I am psychic, I was able to keep a firm grasp on myself, at the cost of my emotions. But when you consider the shape shifting, I would say things broke fairly even.” Ferris’s words added the last few pieces I needed to finish the puzzle.

“Th-that’s why you talk like that, right?” I asked, my eyes alert to even the slightest twitch of his muzzle.

“Why yes, I am unable to properly convey or feel emotions. They come and go, but I have learned to trigger certain ones, like joy and love.” He didn’t seem bothered telling me this, but I suppose he can’t really get upset, can he?

 

“Is that… difficult? Not being able to feel?” I asked him, a cosmic fascination congealing in my head.

 

“As I said, I can trigger certain emotions. See?” Ferris opened his maw and gave me a big grin, showing his joy and all of his fangs. “Being around others inspires me to feel the way they do, which keeps me sociable.” He added, showing that he held onto one important emotion, empathy.

“Can I as-.” He cut me off with a slight nod. “Why do you all smile like that? Is it for us humans or cultural…” I faded off unsure why this was important to know.

 

“It is not something that will make you smile my friend...” Ferris informed me, but I insisted, curiosity fueling the desire. “In our history, many species followed the natural order of prey and predator. Weaker beings would be hunted and killed, then consumed by the strong.” This made me gasp, as I have never pondered their historical violence or evolution as a society.

“You mean, you all lived… feral? Like, in tribes or wild…” These words flopped out, uncoordinated and unprepared.

 

“Yes Issac, in our distant past we lived similar to animals on earth, but with humanoid level intellect. With time, communities formed with all mannerism of beings living together. However, trust was hard to come by and many species felt threatened or demonized. This odd smile, was a way of showing you do not have blood on your teeth. It is a sign that you are not dangerous.” Ferris repeated the incognito greeting, now that I was aware.

 

“Wow, would have never guessed…” This didn’t feel like enough of a response. “Is raci-… species-ism a problem?” I was unsure if he understood.

 

“Certain places, yes. Certain species, yes. We live in an fairly pleasant society however. We are social creatures and this has opened even the most stubborn eyes over time.” Ferris is so well spoken, because emotion is not an obstacle. “Do not hesitate to ask me anything, I want to help.” He saw I was in thought and gave encouragement.

“What can you tell me about your society? How is this planet different from earth? Who or what is hierophancy? When can I go out by myself? Does Urving have to hibernate? Are you telekinetic also? Can I learn super powers or… abilities like yours? Do you have different religions, based on species? Do you all age and develop differently? Can you make new species by mating? Is it true you have known about us for, like, fifty years? Is the gravity different here? I think it feels different... Do you have jetpacks or flying cars? Did you guys build the pyramids?” I am unsure why, but I couldn’t stop myself from emptying all questions from my mind, I literally couldn't shut my mouth.

 

Ferris stared wide eyed, as I bombarded him with questions. “One at a time my friend, slow down.” He flashed his tiny smile, then began thinking. “Socially, we are much more outgoing than humans. Animalistic tendencies come through in a variety of ways and this is not shunned in the slightest. Aside from the steady crime, which is completely unavoidable in a large civilization, we have a peaceful way of living. You are safe Issac, you need not worry.” I am unsure if he is able to avoid feeling my emotions, as yes… I am constantly afraid of the outside world.

It is a strange emotional wound, not being familiar with the world you inhabit… Everything I knew has been twisted into a bizarre, more efficient, unrecognizable ghost of itself. The aspects mesh at such a fine level that I feel comfortable, but… No, I am not acclimated yet. Even now, this odd couch is just not as comfortable, as a normal sofa…

 

“Our planets differ on micro-quantum levels, but a main point of notation would be Al Ur En only has three continents. They encircle the globe, like rings, never fully breaking, except once, on the lower continent of En. It is a national landmark, it is called the Grand chasm.” Ferris’s words made me laugh and he chuckled as well, only much more restrained.

“That’s sort of funny… Wait, really? Three long strip shaped continents… You’re serious? That’s so weird…” I pondered what a globe may look like, but Ferris was prepared!

 

“Look here Issac, let me show you.” He produced his pager, much like mine.

 

The image he displayed was, incredible… Just like he said, three continents! They had a live feed via satellite or space station or maybe this is some kind of… Holy crap… The rings… rotate… like they are a drift amongst each others gravity. How cool… I’m on this right now, somewhere… I think I’m in the middle… This is home now. A semi content smile formed, after my fascinated grin had faded. I thanked Ferris and he simply pat my shoulder. While he prepared another cup of tea, I decided to have some water and splash some over my still burning face.

“Now let me think, what did you ask next?” Ferris sipped his tea softly, his claws gripping the cup delicately. “Ah yes, Hierophancy… Essentially it is what you would call the president, but of the whole continent. We technically have three ruling officials at a time. Unfortunate for our political unity, each individual continent does not collaborate to elect like minded leaders.” Ferris seemed… angry… his anger is strange, almost feral or...

 

“I get it! So that’s why they kept talking about a few different groups of people… Can I ask… The planet is named Al Ur En, those are the continents right?” I felt stupid, that is probably common knowledge.

“Indeed, you are correct. We are on Ur and as you would expect, to the north is Al and the south is En.” Ferris smiled revealing his longest two fangs. “Do not be shy, ask me freely Issac.” He stopped a moment, then chuckled. “Though I suppose you already have.”

“Th-thank you Ferris…” My eyes welled with dignified tears this time, but I banished them. “I don’t think I can ever repay you…”

“Like Urving, we are friends and I love you. I know that is not something you are comfortable with hearing yet, but regardless you are subject to my affection. You do not owe me a thing Issac, we are connected, remember?” He tapped his forehead and flashes of Fiona entered my mind’s eye.

“Yeah… I remember…” I bowed my head, unable to avoid smiling at her image. “Wh-what memory did you get from me? I sort of want to know now… If that is alright…” His ears stood straight up and he grinned like a child.

“It was the day you became nine years of age and your parents-.” I couldn’t help but finish for him.

“Got me a puppy…” I gasped softly.

They look Ferris gave me was so uplifting. If he has my memories of Teacup, or at least when I got her, he has to know who I really am. Not only that, but he had to experience the joy and appreciation I felt toward my parents. I loved that dog… She marked the first point in my childhood when I felt deep concern for another life, save my parents. If what Ferris went through was anything like the pain to paradise that meeting Fiona was, then he should understand, I was an entirely different person before the invasion. Before all of this happened I was normal… Just another person, nothing special… I would have never killed anyone or anything if this hadn’t happened and my memories should reveal that. A foresighted acceptance filled my head with positive emotional energy, but I was still hindered by recently remembered horrors.

 

Ferris touched my knee and I looked up to find him smiling. “It is a beautiful memory, I am certain you took great care of her.”

 

“Yeah, she meant so much to me…” I looked back to the carpet, to escape his heavy gaze, but smiled.

 

“Perhaps you and Urving could purchase a dog? No harm in asking him.” Ferris forced me to look at him with his words.

 

“I… I don’t… I’m not…” I was unsure of what to say to that honestly.

 

He pat my knee again. “Let’s move on for now.”

“Yeah… When can I go out on my own? It isn’t terribly important actually. Do you remember what else I asked?” A short laugh escaped me and Ferris smirked, his eyes still beaming down on me.

 

“Human independence is something that takes a minimum of one year. This is usually extended based on the threat level, but worry not Issac. The time will come.” His sudden return to answering brought me down a little.

 

“I understand… I think that is appropriate. Until then, do I just have to be with Urving?” Basic curiosity fueled this question.

“You have to wear a gravity leash. It essentially keeps you from moving too far away from Urving.” Hearing the word leash made me frown, but the science behind it must be astounding!

 

“Oh… I understand.” Who was I to argue anyway? “What about me being on his shoulder? I can’t lie… walking around outside sounds sort of scary.” Admitting fear was something I had to do regularly in my new life… so it didn't hurt as greatly.

“Illogical, you have little to fear with Urving. He can carry you, yes, that is a bylaw of human ownership. A similar stipulation is, Urving may designates a few of us who can take you outside as well. Do not fear Issac, this place is not as dangerous as you believe.” Ferris’s tone was so soothing, like a silken waterfall.

“My first day here, a wolf threatened to eat me…” I sighed softly, lowering my head onto my knee for a moment.

“I am so sorry Issac, would you like me to remove that memory?” Though tempting, I do not think Ferris’s offer is worth it.

“No, I want to remember… Not all of you are so great.” I said patting Ferris’s shoulder for a change, which caused his tail to wag a single time.

“That is brave… you are a strong young man. You are one of the most promising young humans I have ever met.” Ferris responded, a fragment of pride showing, for a second.

 

“Th-thank you Ferris. But that cannot be true…” I took a moment to revel in my compliment regardless of it being diminished.

“Stop that Issac. You need to lighten up a little, ok?” Ferris spoke jovially, nudging me with his tiny fist. “Urving is so excited to have you in his life. Try to reciprocate the feeling.”

 

“Yeah, you’re right…” I smirked, nudging him back with my elbow. “Thank you Ferris, I really appreciate this.” I referenced our conversation.

 

“You deserve it Issac. Too long did you go without answers and explanations.” Ferris’s words made me smile wholeheartedly.

 

Ferris held something now, a strange presence. He was almost human like, or perhaps I was just comfortable with this Anthronian. His soft voice and willingness to understand my side of this entire ordeal… It meant more than the world to me. I cannot express how much emptiness this filled, how open I felt I could be… Ferris had began answering more of my questions, but I was temporarily deaf. My mind was adrift on a sea of emotional plagues. Desperately avoiding the tainted waters, I tuned back in as Ferris began a summing up portion of his speech.

 

“So in short, no, Urivng does not need to hibernate to survive winter. No, I am not telekinetic, but my sister is. And no, you cannot be given or taught abilities like mine. That is something our scientists have worked on for many years.” His quick summary made me stare with disappointment, but I simply shrugged it off.

 

“You have a sister?” I inquired, now curious about her powers.

“Yes, her name is Flora. She is an odd girl most say, a bit younger than myself.” Ferris explained her away swiftly, but I didn’t see any resentment or hatred on his face. “She is going to Institute currently and I haven’t seen her in a while.” Ferris took a moment, his eyes closing to envision her.

 

“Do you think she-…” A noise cut me off then, quiet at first, then a bit louder.

 

Ferris’s ears shot up and pivoted along his head, to face the odd sound. The electronic buzzing ended with a echoing ping, which rung through the house. I stood as it grew louder and I realized it was coming from my room… Entering, I saw and heard instantly that my pager was… receiving a message or something. Holding it up, I opened it and a small beep of confirmation showed Urving on the other line. I pressed the little box with his image and he reacted brightly to me, as if seeing me made his day.

 

“Hey buddy! You look tired, you been smoking?” Urving asked with a big laugh, a few of his co-workers appearing behind for a moment. “How’s your day been?” He asked before I could answer, infinite joy in his big golden eyes.

 

“Pretty good, thanks for breakfast.” I replied to the phone, his image blurring a bit as I moved to the bed.

“Oh no problem!” He waved a paw to brush this away. “Ferris there? I hope you haven’t been lonely.” Urving was a bit quieter, but he was still taunted by his work friends.

“Yeah he’s been here a few hours. You having a good day?” I asked a little awkward, but he smiled and I heard someone in the background “aww” at my comment.

“Great, thanks for asking Iza! You tell Ferris thanks and he can order dinner on me. I can’t be gone long, so I’ll call you again when I leave Issac. Have a good night pal!” Urving waved at the phone, the harmless, toothy smile bringing a grin to my face.

 

“Bye Urving. Have a good night.” I also waved seeing the other security guards hustling behind him.

Closing my pager I set it on the bed and released a deep sigh. That is exactly what I needed, to hear and see. Not that I feel better about myself, but things do not feel nearly as dire as before. It was like a stress valve in my brain had been opened, but only slightly… Just enough to allow this resurrected guilt and pain to fade, but not enough to forget. Urving, Urma, and Ferris have treated me like an honored guest, but yet they know… This speaks volumes toward Urving’s character and shows me Urma is truly as loving as she has been acting. All I am and all I hope to be, is still as important to them, as earth was to me. My life matters more than what was lost, simply because Urving wants to take care of me. I owe him my life for that… I owe Dalton my life…

 

“Everything alright Issac? How was Urving doing?” Ferris asked, as I appeared at the mouth of the hallway.

“Good, he was really happy to see me…” I was soft voiced and a little broken up.

 

“Were you excited to see him?” Ferris asked, with a tiny smirk.

 

“Well… yeah, I was.” I could help smiling myself. “He also said that we can order dinner, his treat!” My flash of enthusiasm got Ferris to smile.

“Would it bother you if I cooked? I detest fast food.” Ferris seemed concerned for my decision.

“No, home cooking sounds great! What do you think you’ll make?” Asking this felt odd, as most of the foods here were bizarre anyway.

“Well Urving has some lovely sloth steaks in the freezer. Would that be alright?” Ferris noticed my disgust and laughed softly.

 

“Sure, I’m open to try sloth!” I said after a wince of apprehension.

“Terrific, shall I get started now? Are you hungry Issac?” Ferris nodded and moved toward the freezer, but stopped at the handle.

“Whenever you wanted. I’m fine right now. How long does sloth take to cook?” I asked with a slight laugh myself.

“My recipe takes a few hours, so perhaps we can continue our conversation as I prepare dinner?” Ferris offered as he came toward me.

“Sounds good, thank you for cooking.” I had a seat at the counter.

 

“My pleasure Issac, now what else did you ask? Where were we?” Ferris began washing his paws, rolling up his sleeves delicately. “Ah yes, religion is something that is quite personal to us. Unlike earth we have developed a unified religion, in which all gods are accepted and revered. We also have a common ground reached with those who believe solely in science. This polytheistic dominated way has removed the need for churches, religious conflicts, and many other problems that plagued early earth. Hopefully that answers your question.” Ferris turned over his shoulder once he finished this question and his thorough washing.

 

“Wow…” Was all I managed at first. “Does each species have a god? Or has that vanished?” Asking this felt like a good recovery from my previous comment.

“Though it is not widely talked about, yes. Many species believe that “god” takes the form of their species.” Ferris quoted himself and seemed displeased with this statement.

“Do you think god is a fox Ferris?” I asked with a mocking smirk.

“No… I do not believe in god. I believe in a higher force, like a celestial or spiritual tide. But I refuse to believe in a sentient being, who cares about the personal inner workings of you and I.” This explanation made me gasp softly, as he was very direct.

“That’s… really deep…” I muttered, sort of feeling the same.

“In our culture, personal religious preference is incredibly private. Many do not openly discuss such things.” Ferris added, his tone bordering aggravated.

“Good to know. I’ll keep that in mind.” I had lost faith long ago… nothing to talk about…

 

“Moving on, development amongst differing species is incredibly different, but only for the first few years. After, say three years, we all begin maturing at a similar rate. From the smallest mouse to the largest elephant. We are actually the same in many ways.” Ferris had prepared a few pans, which were now heating, but his words were so poignant I hadn’t noticed his actions.

 

“So you have to takes care of your newborns specific to your species? That’s fascinating.” I replied, but then threw out a random question. “What do fox kits require? Is there anything specific you do for them?” I was proud I knew the proper term for a newborn fox.

A few seconds of love swept over him, as he turned to me. “Like many other species, you should keep them as warm and cozy as possible. Mother foxes cradle newborns in there tails.”

“That does sound cozy.” I laughed and so did Ferris.

 

“Unfortunate for our future pup, Fiona is not vulpine and she does not have a very plush tail.” He smirked for a moment, as I laughed imagining what the offspring would look like. “That brings me to your next question. No, we cannot create new species. Two creatures with similar DNA can mate, but the animal made is not considered a new species. Does that make sense Issac?” He asked, peeking over his shoulder while he sliced vegetables.

“Perfect sense, like you and Fiona! So what happens if two totally different species try to have a child?” I asked just out of curiosity.

 

“Most times the female fails to become pregnant or the infant suffers greatly. Our culture has been working on a way to change this for a very long time, but to no avail.” Ferris sounded a little distraught, but it was the same, switch on sadness I have seen before.

 

“I see, that would be an incredible feat! I hope I live to see the day…” A softness took hold of my voice, as I pondered how long my life will be here.

“I cannot absolutely say for sure, but I hope so as well my friend.” Ferris’s voice became fragile, allowing specks of true sadness to show themselves.

 

“Thank you Ferris… I cannot wait to meet Fiona either!” I was getting misty eyed so I added this to defuse my turmoil.

“I share in your excitement. She is very eager to meet you as well!” Upon hearing his wife’s name, Ferris’s tail wagged steadily. “She is incredibly loving so you need not fear her. I understand you are-.” I cut him off laughing, waving both my hands.

“You don’t get it! That memory made her out to be… an angel or something…” I sort of sighed as I laughed, but it was a happy sound.

“I wouldn’t use any other word to describe her…” His fondness was by far the strongest emotion Ferris was able to produce.

 

It is strange that a creature who has lost almost all ability to feel, bagged a girl worthy of being called an angel. She saved him, so maybe that developed some kind of relationship instantly… Fiona must be a very interesting person to accept Ferris and love him. It would be painfully difficult to live with someone who doesn’t feel emotions and copies others when he can! Just saying… I’m no better to live with. A uncooperative, unappreciative, chaotic, and dangerous monster… Ferris shot me a sharp glare and I could tell he either read my mind or was sensing my emotions. Ferris had been speaking and I think I distracted him mentally…  Smiling innocently, he simply raised an eyebrow my way, then continued cooking.

“As I was saying, the gravity here is different, but the difference cannot be perceived by a someone from earth. It is extremely similar.” Ferris was sautéing vegetables in one pan, while he was lightly searing the meat on another. “Yes we have flying cars, but it is not what you would imagine. Our cars can turn into planes, copters, and airships. Propulsion and gravity packs are high ordinance military hardware. The public will probably get there paws on them at some point in time.” Ferris was optimistic, though his words made it seem as though it was hopeless.

“Your cars… turn into airplanes?” My head fell sideways with disbelief.

“Some models can, yes, but they are more like jets or rockets. It is a safety feature for the most part and not for recreation.” My jaw fell open this time… a safety feature?

 

“That’s sounds awesome though! Can we go flying sometime? I’ve never flown before, not once!” I was really excited that this was a common activity on this planet.

 

“Of course Issac, but why is that so special?” Ferris asked lifting a pan from the stove top.

 

“It was an expensive, time consuming, and allegedly aggravating procedure on earth. Again, I’ve never done it so that may be where this excitement is coming from.” Explaining this made Ferris nod in an understanding way.

“We will have to make a day of it. Thank you for asking Issac.” He was quite pleased with this plan.

 

Ferris moved the pan to the oven, which was in itself a strange unit. It was a long narrow chasm reaching into the wall. At the very back of it, a blaze of fire was raging and the metal was red hot. Ferris placed it on the very front and the pan sizzled evenly once more. Slapping his hands clean over the sink, he moved back to the vegetables, before turning down the flame beneath them. The pungent smell of roasting garlic and the light sting of cooking peppers was now all I could smell, but I wont lie… the sloth didn’t look that bad… Olive oil and onions were added to the mix, causing a whole new joyous blend of scents to fill the house. Even if sloth doesn’t taste good, these vegetables will be awesome I bet! Why does a fox know how to cook vegetables? Shouldn’t Ferris be raiding a hen house? My joke is sort of messed up considering how intelligent he is. Leaning against the counter, Ferris addressed my attentiveness.

 

He thought for a moment, before speaking. “Humans were discovered fifty two years ago. We have monitored your progress as a species ever since.” My mouth dropped open and my eyes spread painfully full.

“Wh- why… how did you? H-how and why did you discover earth?” I asked him, barely able to form words at first.

 

“Eighty years ago, our people were trying to create satellites that could survive the conditions of a wormhole. This project made it through six phases I believe, but was soon canceled and deemed a failure. However the fifth model, Enterprise, had actually survived!” Ferris’s story allowed minor enthusiasm to spill forth from him. “Our astronautics program didn’t actually check on the satellites for nearly twenty years! When we finally did, our people discovered an infinite amount of planets and solar systems. Amongst them all, the greatest discovery by far, was the planet of humanity, earth!” Ferris held true passion about the topic now, but it quickly dissolved to his vanilla voice.

 

“Th-that’s… incredible Ferris…” I gasped, then sighed with curiosity. “Wait… so you mean your kind discovered my species, my planet… entirely by accident?” If it wasn’t Ferris, I would’ve thought this was a joke.

“Precisely Issac. Many discoveries from both of our worlds, have been mistakes with pleasant results. This is simply the highest form of that serendipity.” He casually waved a paw between us to reference our connection.

 

“W-wow… no kidding…” I managed to force out these fractured words. “Are there other aliens out there? You know… besides us…” Nudging his paw was enough to make us both smile.

 

“None of greater intelligence or sentient understanding. Most of the creatures we have found are under evolved or monstrous. Human beings are the most developed and culturally advanced species discovered thus far, but we haven't stopped looking.” Ferris put all of science fiction to a realized and logical death.

“That’s crazy! That’s freaking insanity!” I clutched my head, practically falling from my seat. “What do they look like? They must be dangerous, right? Can we see them somehow? I really hope I can one day!” Another shorter storm of questions passed.

 

“Urving said he wanted to take you to the zoo. You will get to then, I wouldn't want to spoil it.” Ferris wagged a claw my way, with a small smirk.

“That sounds fun, but… I can’t see myself going right away.” This moment of admittance made Ferris sigh.

“Forget it for now Issac, dinner is done.” Ferris’s faux excitement met my apprehension easily. “Tell me Issac, do you know what the great pyramids are for?” Ferris glanced at me, as he put finishing touches on the main course.

“Wa-wait why? Do you?” I exclaimed, leaping up from my seat only to fall short of seeing over the counter.

“No, just curious…” Ferris leaned up and stuck his tongue out at me coyly.

 

Let it never be said that Ferris doesn’t have a sense of humor left… It made him laugh, but it was inviting and openly positive. Honestly, I feel the most at home with Ferris… Though I assume it took training and understanding, he is able to act relatively human. The scent in the home was heavenly, like the fine restaurants we used to see downtown. Clicking off the oven, Ferris remove the pans lid to wave away steam and tap away moisture. Freeing the contents from the sizzling pan filled the home with a heavenly scent. Like restaurants of my past each room was bathed in a pleasant aroma of cooked meat. Hints of chives, bell peppers, and potatoes could be detected, but were mixed with other scents. Alien vegetables had also been mixed into the baking pot, but were now being served amongst normal ones I recognized. The sloth cutlets looked delicious and I forestalled my apprehension until I tasted it… It was similar to what a pot roast smelled like, but some kind of spice was in the air, which made it much more pungent.

“Please tell me what you think Issac.” Ferris placed a small ring of vegetables with two pieces of sloth in the middle, then doused it with a drip of gravy.

 

Pulling some of the velvety meat apart, I lifted a forkful to my mouth and found sloth to be appetizing. Not exactly great, but not terrible… I like what Ferris did more than I liked the actual meat itself. He seemed pleased with my enjoyment and his tail swooshed about randomly. Once Ferris added some bread and poured wine, it felt like a fancy restaurant and not Urving’s pad. Regardless of the strange cuisine, I found this to be enjoyable. Peaceful, civilized, and friendly… Ferris simply ate. His manners were impeccable as I would have imagined.

 

What made me uncomfortable, was that Ferris didn’t speak much during the entire meal. I’m unsure if this is cultural or if he was simply sick of talking with me, but it made eating dinner kind of awkward. Still I made small talk and Ferris responded evenly. All and all, I enjoyed sloth roast with vegetables… or whatever Ferris would call this. I nearly cleaned my plate, but some of the star shaped veggies and bits of sloth remain.

 

“Was that good Issac?” Ferris asked collecting my plate.

 

“Yes, thank you! I must admit it was a lot better than I would’ve thought.” A small amount of guilt followed this.

 

“I imagine it must be an uncommon type of food, but it is a popular amongst our people.” Ferris placed the dishes in the sink, soft clinking still heard over his voice.

 

“Your cooking really brought it together, honest!” This made him smile at me, as I placed a hand on my heart.

 

“Why thank you. My mother passed down her recipes to me when she died.” Ferris was pleased with his results. “Urving should be home soon, would you like to play a game or watch television?” Ferris offer dropping a tiny bit of cyan green liquid into the sink.

In an instant foam and suds were surging upward, building and collapsing in an unnatural motion. It was as if the liquid somehow had the motion and force of a washing machine. Like literal effort had been condensed and made into dish soap, that washes by itself… Transfixed by this rumbling and churning water, I shook my head and looked at Ferris with confusion. He laughed softly and gently touched my shoulder. Walking away, his huge tail flourished, showing me that I had amused him, though his smile was only momentary.

 

We watched a show Ferris enjoys (I think…) about two families dealing with rivalry. There were love triangles and sub plots out the a*s, but it was decent for acting and a few of the sets were gorgeous locations! It was hammy and sort of lame, but in my heart it was special spending time with Ferris. Like a friend of the family everyone really likes, but you do not see often. It was hilarious seeing a literal cat fight in the show, when two felines loved the same lion. Eventually Urving called again to tell me he was leaving work and that he was really excited to see me. I was also excited to see him… make this place whole again. It was interesting seeing Ferris watch the news, as he was far more interested than Urving. Still, something about knowing he had little to no emotions, made me uneasy… Than again he should be uneasy around a murderer…

“It was pleasant spending time with you Issac, even the emotional parts.” Ferris leaned toward me and said this softly.

“Thank you for coming over! All day by myself would’ve sucked!” I laughed, but his stare was delving. “I’m glad you came over.” Trying to sound as sincere as possible, he smirked.

 

“Remember you can always talk to me, alright?” Ferris reached into his pocket. “Put my number in your pager and do not be afraid to contact me.” Ferris’s business card was solid white and had a watermark of a company seal.

“Th-thank you… I’ll call you to talk politics, since that isn’t Urving’s thing.” Nudging Ferris I broke the tension and he reacted positively to this.

“Of course Issac. I look forward to that and many other moments we share.” Ferris stood up and so did one of my eyebrow with confusion.

“Where’re you go…” My words made the front door sprung open.

 

“WHERE’S MY BUDDY?” Urving shouted into the house upon entering.

“Heya Urving…” I faded quickly, as he rushed to lift me into a hug.

“Oh MAN I missed you Issac!” Urving spun me into a tight hug and I was unable to decline hugging him as well.

“Me too Urving. How was work? Did anyone start a fight?” Being held in his huge paws felt silly, but his beaming eyes were full of joy and energy.

 

“Nope, all quiet on that front! Lot’s of drunk people though!” Urving chuckled, his big belly heaving outward through his unbuttoned dress shirt. “How bout you? Have a good night?” His big grin made me smile, as he glanced to Ferris.

 

“Good, just sort of hung out. Learned a lot today from Ferris!” A small laugh escaped me and Ferris joined.

“Oh yeah? You picking Ferris’s brain?” Urving chuckled again, slipping me to one arm. “Thank you so much man! I hope it was no trouble staying over.” Urving allowed me to choose how I sat, so I faced Ferris and the conversation.

“Not at all. Issac and I had a terrific time together.” Ferris gave me a small smile, but accepted Urving’s pat first.

“Thank you Ferris, you answered questions I have had for so long today. You really helped me…” I gave him a wink, but he raised an eyebrow, then simply nodded to me.

 

“It was my pleasure Issac. You deserve answers and an equal chance.” Ferris shook hands with me, his soft silk like fur tickling my hand. “I will be off, Fiona is surely eager for my arrival.” As he added this, he picked up his briefcase and nodded to us.

 

“See ya man! Thanks again!” Urving waved to Ferris as he headed toward the street.

“Thank you again. Have a good night Ferris.” I added after, throwing a small wave his way.

 

“Goodbye and thank you for your hospitality Issac.” Ferris waved a paw softly, his voice barely heard over the din of nightlife.

“You eat buddy? What’d Ferris end up getting?” Urving had a small charm about him, thought I could see he was tired.

“He cooked, sloth… Pretty good!” I chuckled, wincing from the overwhelming bodily odor he had accumulated through ought the workday.

 

“A’ww! Was gonna make you sloth burgers this weekend! Ah well, at least you’re full!” Urving poked my growing belly with a clipped claw.

 

Urving brought me to the living room and let me hop off onto the couch. Plopping onto the firm, but forgiving cushion, Urving made a gleeful noise at the sight of me. Repeating that he missed me, a small kiss was given, then a few loving pats. Although weary and obviously drained from his day, Urving was able to summon amazing amounts of enthusiasm. So much love… for me… My eyes watered slightly as praising words rained upon me and Urving told me about the bragging he did at work today.  His absolute devotion is thrown over me like a blanket, but I feel so unworthy it dissolves instantly… Desperately grasping at this feeling, being accepted and loved, I told him all about (not the bad stuff) my day with Ferris. All that I learned made him gush, like I had broken a world record. It was fairly basic stuff, but he was all the more excited, with each word I spoke.

 

“Damn, you’re gonna be smarter than me soon! Hell, you already are!” Urving chuckled, patting me with his huge paw.

 

“Oh please! I never even went to college! You graduated from institute, that’s like college right?” I asked, hoping he would be as insightful as Ferris.

 

“Yup, but it is sort of tailored to you. No struggling or competition, ya feel me?” Urving was using the wall as a back scratcher, sort of funny to watch while he talked to me.

 

“That sounds great… can I go? Like, can a human go to college institute?” It wasn’t my highest hope, but receiving an education on another planet would be… far out…

 

“When you’re comfortable enough, of course!” Urving was sort of shocked by my request, but a smile never left him.

 

“Awesome, thanks Urving!” I replied eagerly, his excitement skyrocketing.

 

“No problem bud! Everyone should have a chance at learning what they want!” Urving was so excited for me, though I could see he was tired. “Lemme get changed, sit tight.”

 

It didn’t feel right not telling him about what Ferris and I had dealt with… After a long day at work, no one wants to come home and talk about there pet being a murderer. I was well aware of how supportive Urving would be, but I just don't think I could talk about it again… That day will come, hopefully later down the road. Urving returned wearing some more normal clothes along with his glasses. He whipped up a quick meal and offered me a snack, but I declined. It was funny the shift, from news and soap operas, to wrestling and action dramas. Still, having my closest Anthronian friend by my side felt nice. A lot of what Urving watched I could parallel to something from earth. Whether it was a canine James Bond or feline Superman, there was an animal version of everything! Not just that, but humans even made random appearances! Mostly as pets, servants, or lowly criminals, but occasionally as main characters! It was funny seeing concepts I have long since understood being retold through a new species. Zombies, time travel, medieval times, terrorists, and machine uprisings were just a few things we watched together.

 

“Wanna play bud? If not, it’s all good!” Urving asked as another episode of Game of Bones started.

 

“Of course! Can we go to another dimension?” I asked as the tv changed image.

 

A short mocking laugh was the answer I got. “That’s for really high level characters. I can’t survive in some of the outer worlds.” Urving seemed to admit this, but he was grinning the whole time.

 

“Oh I see. Makes sense.” A little disheartened, my own smile faded slightly.

 

“Don’t worry bud! The day’ll come!” Urving waved a paw over my head, pretending to “level me up”.

 

A small laugh escaped me, as he mimicked the noise from the game. Once started, I was lost in the enjoyment this common (yet new) activity brings. Playing videogames is so normal, but using these odd control gloves is strange. Still, I am learning the ways of the digi monk. The avatar was pretty damn good, even though his moves were not real. The mechanic level of striking was so perfect it looked fake. Still, kicking a bandits head clean off, priceless… I mastered several basic combos as well as how to incorporate meteor punch fluidly. We didn’t play long, as both of us were tired and I was going to head to bed.

“Hey… uh, you know… I’m gonna stay up a bit, you can sleep on the couch if ya wanted?” Urving wore an innocent and inviting grin. “I’ll put ya in bed, just like… if ya wanted…” He fiddled his paws, seemingly embarrassed, which made me feel odd…

 

That is an awfully personal request, but I am his belonging in a way… “Mind if I pass this time? I’m just gonna be out like a light.” I laughed a little and he nodded defensively.

“No problem man! Sleep well, hope you had a good day with Ferris.” He waved awkwardly, visually upset by my decision.

 

“Thanks, I did. Had a better night playing with you!” I gave a small nod to assure him I meant this.

 

Even though that was a lie, it felt good having my thoughts to myself. Plus this little white lie made Urving smile and his face cleared of shame. Waving myself, I headed into the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. Anthronians use, what can only be described as a miniature car buffers to clean their teeth. It was effective, but a little hard to use, considering my mouth shape. Regardless, I was soon plopping onto my cushy bed, sighing with pleasure at the scent of the fabric softener. I feel strange assuming these things are called by there earthly names here. It feels weird thinking of earth in the past… As if that entire ordeal, the act of living as a earthling, meant nothing… It was like a tutorial of how to live, but the actual game of life is much more intense. Thinking on the subject, going through life alone would probably kill me… I shouted good night to Urving an extra time after thinking this.