Untitled

You know there's a shelter that's down by the shore
By a basin where men do not hasten explore
There's a king in the sand, there's a girl there's a door
There are few who can reach it by air or by oar

I wish I was wiser or had more to drink
To speak with worn words or too soon start to sink
There's an art to inflection, there is blood in the ink
There are thoughts that rot minds, minds too rotten to think

Cry with skin, cry with fur, cry with feathery down
Cry without making words, and cry seldom with sound
Cry with a smile that's too quiet to hear
Cry happy with heart or in heart-stopping fear

There are people who march, there are people who dance
There are people who grieve when life gives them the chance
There are songs that ring loud about crowds or romance
There are more ways to kill than by stealing a glance

Author's Note

I think the placement of the word "hasten" may be grammatically incorrect but I really liked the way it flowed in the poem.

Reviews

[emmajoy]

'Cry with a smile that's too quiet to hear
Cry happy with heart or in heart-stopping fear .. '

I immediately see an unrolled parchment and, on it, beside fading illuminated drawings, are - curling and rising - the words above! Your meter, however, is far better than those of the monks responsible for the true above... you could give a few lessons to past, present and probablyt future scribes. Third stanza, please, spoken to a harp.. .Much enjoyed.

[Farmgirl]

I love it !
It reminds me of a scene I once saw in a medieval movie I'm a sucker for medieval reads too lol
I like this and where I traveled to

[Thatch]

Haha thank you! At least in the first stanza it also gave me a medieval/prophecy feel. I feel like a lot of my writing unintentionally ends up coming out like some kind of song from a fantasy novel.

Also thanks for your comments on all my other poems too! I'm new so it's nice to get some positive feedback :)

[Farmgirl]

Yu are very welcome I enjoy reading your writing it immerses me

[Saria Lon]

You have some really great flow going on here, great rhyming and emotions as well! Every line was thought-provoking for me. The only line that I would fix is the last one because it seemed to interrupt the flow. It doesn't seem to fit with the rest of the poem somehow, but adjustments with a few words like "end" and "but" should help with that. Sorry if that's vague! Great job. :)

[Thatch]

Thank you very much! I was actually on the fence about using "ends" because I also felt it caused the flow to suffer.

[Farmgirl]

And hehheh! This I can see ... but it's a good thing .