Finding personal worthwhile in life

A Story by OhThatOneGuy

Random thoughts, rationalizations.

Maybe it would be better to write this out to better help you understand whatever it is that you’re feeling or going through. We begin with this urgent sense of hopelessness in a sense? But to say you are hopeless one must understand that I do not mean creating opportunity for myself is hopeless, that would be a lie. How could someone that others perceive as intelligent, someone whom considers himself intelligent be hopeless of attaining whatever goals he sets out to accomplish? It is more so that I cannot understand how even with having this knowledge I cannot use it to amount to something worthwhile. Having goals that I want accomplished but not knowing what needs to be set into motion to accomplish such goals is frustrating. What would the commons do to resolve such an issue? There are many ways to handle this I suppose but as of late none have really given me this sense of needing to do so, the drive isn’t there and I do not know why that is. Many issues arise due to past problems which are causing present problems such as the lack of basic things not being accomplished at the age that I am now. It was as if certain keystones that would help contemplate in a way the issues you are going through are without reach now in this present pathetic state you find yourself in simply because when asserting their values, you rationalize by saying what’s the point of accomplishing this now? Life to you now seems pointless because you rationalize if life is all about making it or having some good memories after enduring many hardships all so that once you come close to death you can say well there were some good times, is that what people fight so hard for? Is the end game really being able to call life worthwhile because you lived through a few good moments? Most people find comfort in seeing life as a fight worth fighting for because they have some sense or will too keep going in hopes that it will all be better one day. Individuals have some reason to fight for, such as their belief in god, maybe their family but when it comes down to it, if you cannot find this will to continue going because you want to continue fighting for yourself then why live your life at the expense of attempting to make others proud of you? Why live your life and place your self-worth in something as pathetic as the need to make others proud of you, in essence living your life for this need of acceptance from another’s point of view of yourself. It was due to this realization that I began changing my views of how I see people who commit suicide. Do I see this as the answer? No, but before I thought people who chose this rout were cowardly because I viewed it as being selfish and the easy means of dealing with a larger issue at hand. It was only when I started rationalizing my own personal new found knowledge that I concluded it must take some form of strength or courage to contemplate and go forth with a decision as drastic as taking one’s own life. Imagine how much that individual must ponder before going through and taking such assertive actions, going through with an act most could never truly contemplate doing out of fear or some other reason. It must take some form of strength then to take one’s life into his own control, and commit such an act. But this is just random rambling now I suppose, in search of divulging deeper into why you think the way you do. Now, why is it that when looking at yourself you cannot face yourself? They say taking a long hard look at who you are by means of looking in the mirror will help you discover whatever underlying issue is bothering you. When you take yourself out of your bubble or world and look at yourself as others or hell as how you see yourself, you should then take actions that will lead to the bettering of your person. It is then that I see, the manipulation that is used to drive your wants and needs, the distrust in most except for yourself. Even now, you tell only what you want, and you do so because you have reasoning’s for doing so, only allowing certain information to be given to others and analyzing them more so as to help your cause or desires in future occasions. Now, some may label you as an egomaniac, sociopath or some other false label, but how could that be so if you came to these conclusions and thoughts all through your own merit? Would one not say that it takes a lot to judge or rationalize the things you have and express them all in a healthy manner? It is not like I want to hurt others, or myself on the contrary my goal is and has been for a while to help others. I believe this want or need comes about because at earlier moments in life certain issues affected you so. I rationalize this as follows, I perhaps at points wanted help, help that I did not get, knowing this feeling comes hard it made within me this notion of wanting to at least shield others from going through difficulties that could be avoided if someone was simply there for them. I conclude now, re reading everything I wrote and coming away with why I rationalize certain things the way I do. If life comes down to being worthwhile because of simple joys such as sex, or making others proud it would be encouraged to perhaps begin finding better reasons to live. I mean this in the sense that, if you cannot find some form or justification other than the aforementioned reasons as being what gets you through your daily life then perhaps it be best to try a new method such as helping others be better off because of your help because at least then when it’s all said and done you can go away with knowing I made a positive difference by impacting another’s life. This now has become a new found hope into continuing life, a reason that makes it worth all the hardships that one must go through before reaching an eternal peace. This helped, now we truly conclude.