First Chapter Jerry

I found the first chapter.

Jerry was a normal kid. Normal enough that he didn't get attention from bullies, but not cool enough to be on

the cool kid roster. Where was he? Stuck right in the middle of the traffic in St. John's High School. He was

tall but not too tall, he stood about 5'8 with the body of a soccer player. "You need to start eating some real

food" says his aunt Gracie. "ok" was all he managed to say every time. And his parents, don't get me started

on his parents. His mother Beatrice was one of those stay at home mothers who always managed to know

what was "in" on Facebook or what viral video was going around before he did. Beatrice could find time to

Blog on Facebook, do her hair and makeup, flirt with all the new guys at her Zumba classes, and have time

to chat with her friends all in one day. It's a miracle she managed to keep dad hanging around this long.

Speaking of Dad, Jerry's father Donald was a lowly CNA at the local Methodist Hospital. She only stuck

around with him because of convenience. It was all peachy until the day he met a certain girl, an undead

girl.

Friday nights sucked, as usual Jerry was stuck home while all the other teens were out having the time of

their lives. Sure he had friends you know the kind that spend their free time looking at porn. He was tired of

hanging out with those losers. Dad was working another graveyard shift and mom was chatting up a storm

with her friends in the kitchen. Some health guru or another posted on a blog that half of the vegetables you

eat can kill you faster. They would be there all night drinking wine and gossiping and forgetting all about the

restless teenager upstairs. Jerry thought about how bad his life sucked. He thought about how nobody

would miss him if he just decided to end it all. It didn't have to be painful at all just as easy as taking a

handful of pills and going to sleep. That was stupid, he had always thought people who committed suicide

were idiots. He decided to take a midnight stroll to clear up his mind. He went to his desk and pulled out an

old half torn bus schedule and put it in his backpack. Grabbed a few bags of cheetos and a couple of sodas

he usually has in his mini fridge. Lifting up his window he took one last look back at his room and for a

second he thought about just never coming back. Shaking that notion out of his head he slid the metal

frame down as not to make any noise and was on his way. Walking down the road he noticed there was

another person walking on the road opposite of him. It was a girl 18 maybe, wearing a black hoodie with a

white skull and crossbone on the front.

Author's Note

I have not taken any classes or don't have any professional experience writing, please go easy.

Reviews

[Skai Rain]

There is a spelling mistake in the first sentence which puts off the reader right away. This is unfortunate because as I continued reading I could tell that this is set up for a story. I will continue reading as you post but remember to edit through a couple of times before posting. Keep up the good work.

[ThackeryBinx]

Thank you, I thought I had all of them but I guess staring at the screen for a while does something to my eyes. Thank you again.

[Skai Rain]

No worries. I have the same problem.

[Lola_Bee]

very intriguing, i cannot wait to read the rest. i like the way you unravel the character, waiting in anticipation

[Jayne Disdaine]

The story interests me greatly, I'm keen to know where Jerry ends up and if his sensible but slightly negative view of his own life changes through the story.
I would like tl see more character development being a first chapter - a chance to really feel what Jerry is about before we find out about the undead girl. I think he is going to be very interesting! More description will let us empathize with his situation and imagine how he might react to the undead. Is it tied to his fleeting morbid thoughts on ending his own life and does suicide have something to do with the girl?
I am impressed and hooked.
So many questions! I cant wait to read more. Thanks for sharing.