I Cashed In

The swearing is how I feel, so I left it in. WHY IS IT LEAVING MY TEXT AT SIZE EIGHT! MAKE IT 14!!!!

Every single day is another moment
Another conversation I remember
Another aspect of their face
Another time they were sweet
Sometimes many

It's like every day I am
Reliving a week with them
And Its now that I realize
Or at least remember
That I got more out of it 
Then they likely ever will

And that's because I put more into it
But I wasn't here to withdrawal
I was here to cash in

And I did cash in!

Oh my God
She didn't put as much into it
She didn't get as much out

M**********r

I feel like I am so much mentally aware
Like I am years and years older
But she was a year behind me
Yet she mentally was as aware as 
Some f*****g 14 year old girl

God Damnit
I got 14 year old pupils 
Who are more aware then here
I got siblings and siblings 
That age and younger
Who are more self aware

F**k me

F**k this

Why?

She didn't seem this clueless
I saw myself in her
WHERE THE F**K AM I
I DONT SEE MYSELF ANYMORE
WHERE DID I GO?

Can I stop mourning now?
Can she just be dead to me?
Can I just f*****g move on?
God Damnit

To many swears
To many memories