Wish I was a machine

I wrote this in August, so I feel a little different obviously.

Every single day 

the idea of being 

in a relationship 

sounds better and better

But I don't even look

On their knees begging

Paragraphs and statements

Well spoken and precise

I didn't want to f*****g be

In one of those god damn

Stupid F*****g animes

Im broke and ugly

Im not Robert downing

Im not a millionaire

I am going no where

But here I am for auction

I feel so fucked up

I don't even do anything

I don't even promise that much

I don't make people fall in love with me

Im angry and violent

Sexual and romantic 

Speaking alien tongues

Afraid of endless suffering

Im going to die empty

Because all the women 

Sucked all the love out of me

With their smiles and giggles

I can't pull anyone in

Or push anyone away

Without being the devil

When Im alone and I look

I find nothing

But when I am not looking

Everyone appears

It's a f*****g arms race

Everyone is ready to go

Chemical weapons ready

Trenches dug

Don't bat your eyelashes

Don't smile

Don't look at me like I am special

Stop trying to hold my hand

Don't hold me

Do not speak

Do not feed me

Do not cry

Don't yell at me

Just stop the spells

Im so f*****g tired

Of sincerity

A circle of people 

With actual feelings

No winners

No hope

No point

I wish I was a machine