Chapter 1 ⭐️ The Azimuth of Summer

The Barefoot Rambler

Celine walked from south to north carrying a well-used green and black rucksack on her back. She swept around hills and cascaded down valleys, passing rivers and little villages and sometimes skirting the edges of big towns, where once stood grand, but now abandoned acred gardens. There was nothing on her feet, except the cold slimy mud that slid between her toes and the stings and bruises that made her scratch at her skin; she was barefoot, I should have worn shoes after all she thought.

At night when she had made camp the lotion felt good as she rubbed it in her sore feet and the bathing soothed too, it softened her feet so they were ready for the walk the next day. She sat in the opening of a small tent looking at the stars, the sighing trees, the birds controlling the skies. She put on her lantern and read and as the bats began to come she turned the precious pages of her book and thought ‘What’m I doing here? In this dangerous place in the middle of nowhere and the answer returned to her (from her other self) ‘running away from everything that’s what.’ The smell of the book gave the illusion of security as with a book you can be anywhere, it takes you away.

But that day that she went, three nights ago, through her open window the smell of smoke and burning oil drifted in and it hit her and she knew exactly why she had to get away. She moved like she never had before; quietly and quickly, but her wooden soled shoes clacked loudly against the cobbles and so she took them off and as cobbles became earth and grass she didn’t bother putting them back on and for her whole journey away from the compound she walked barefoot. She caught a glimpse of a pair of eyes watching her. Was it Tarragon the self-appointed leader? They didn’t look at her admiringly, but threateningly. She knew she was in danger now and must hurry away, barefoot or not. The eyes got closer, she ran.

Reviews

[Betty Hermelee]

WAS Celine part of a cult? Trying to escape some danger? I like your writing style and leaving the reader with something to think about. I also like the description of her whereabouts , her clothing, etc. there is a bit of haunting aura in this piece as well. Good start!
Best, B

[BL]

Read on & you may find out - thanks for your review

[Betty Hermelee]

I'll try!!!
You're very welcome!

[emmajoygreen]

Begun over a year ago, this seems to be a mystery in the making, good descriptions, atmosphere rising, changing, paragraph by paragraph and then that final sentence inspiring, nudging the reader to return and
read chapter two! Kudos, great start. Tertia.

[W. Barrett Munn]

You don’t have to say the same thing twice. Cut out “she was barefoot.” All you need is the next line. “I should have worn shoes”. Thanks

[MoonlitWillow]

There's a sense of danger and mystery in this first chapter I like. It sets the tone well, assuming that's where the story is headed. I'm interested, but some work of sentence structure and punctuation would make reading easier/more enjoyable. For me, anyway.

[W. Barrett Munn]

Btw, a great piece of advice I received was to hand copy the type of book(or story or poem) you want to write. If you want to write akin to Stephen King copy The Stand in cursive . It helps you get inside the writing so I your own words can have similar effects.

[Kat]

I really like this first chapter and i can really understand the want and need to get away from everything.

I like the sense of danger/adventure in this first chapter

[W. Barrett Munn]

You can improve this by more showing and less telling which makes it more intimate. She had mud on her feet; she was barefoot.
Why not “the cold gummy mud slid between her toes. Why didn’t I wear shoes, she thought.”
You get the idea.

[Coyote Poetry]

A nice start to the story my friend. I liked the energy of the tale. You allowed the reader to feel the chase. Thank you for sharing the amazing opening chapter.
Coyote