Passing Trains In Winter Rain

Distrait within the dismal night

while drifting down deserted track...

Beyond the bend, a lantern light

illumed alone the vacant black.  

Such are the tricks that fate will feign

with passing trains in winter rain.

The darkling sky sighed, dripping dew,

beguiling to the trek anew.

Through diamond dusk old demons came -

There was no dread, there was no claim,

for distant thoughts will entertain

on passing trains in winter rain.

Through shadow’s fog a form appeared

(which slowed its pace as morning neared),

a lonesome, meek and wistful thing, 

like fallen bird with broken wing.   

Such are the shapes and weary strain

of passing trains in winter rain.

We paused a moment, side by side

confronting Fate in eventide.

But Passion’s Pains of yesteryear

left youthful Ardor draped in fear -

We had our courses to maintain

like passing trains in winter rain.   

I often harken, flashing back,  

to sense the formless twisted track  

muse “Few have loved though all have toyed

inside this vast and vacant void -

The reason why ? At heart, mundane    

as passing trains in winter rain” ...

Reviews

[JayceeC]

This is a beUtiful example of iambic tetrometer. I thought at first you would use Wordsworth's pattern for Daffodils. Rhe first stanza does use his pattern of ABABCC, but then flips into DDEEFF Normally this would be a sticking point, but it just felt like the train switched tracks. I did wait for it to switch back, but it did not really bother me that the rest is written in rhyming couplets. In the end its a reminder that journies are never the same twice. Each time we make it something changes, so we hold on to those fleeting moments that are unique and special. Lovely poem for the one who is just a memory on the journey of life and time.

[Terry O'Leary]

Thank you for your kind words!
And for the interesting, informative comment.
I don't know very much about the 'mechanics' of writing poems... and didn't really notice the 'switching of the tracks' as you so perceptively and cleverly have indicated...
Yes... it would have been better if I had 'switched back'... and indicative of a better poet than I...
Anyway, I have learned much from your comment... Thanks!

[JayceeC]

Writing a metered piece of poetry can be difficult because you almost have to think that way when you write. Whatever rhyme you choose your meter is flawless.

[Perkele.7885]

I enjoyed this tale of the passing trains, the winter,the rain. You had a mesmerizing flow throughout, keeping this reader's attention rapt.
I thoroughly enjoyed your tale!

[Terry O'Leary]

Thanks for your kind words... I'm so happy that you enjoyed!

[wordman]

this is a great story,i can see my self on that train,i can feel the cold rain
two trains like two people passing in the night,maybe fate will bring them back one more time

you are a very good writer my friend

[Terry O'Leary]

Thank you for the praise... and for the expression of your feelings when reading!!!

[wordman]

my pleasure,and i sent out a few rr for you

[Terry O'Leary]

I'm new around here, so don't know what an"rr" is... but a SUPER thanks for the support!

[wordman]

read request`s 9 sent out 23

[wordman]

dam i messed that up ,read requests ,i sent 23