Passing Trains In Winter Rain

Distrait within the dismal night

while drifting down deserted track...

Beyond the bend, a lantern light

illumed alone the vacant black.  

Such are the tricks that fate will feign

with passing trains in winter rain.

The darkling sky sighed, dripping dew,

beguiling to the trek anew.

Through diamond dusk old demons came -

There was no dread, there was no claim,

for distant thoughts will entertain

on passing trains in winter rain.

Through shadow’s fog a form appeared

(which slowed its pace as morning neared),

a lonesome, meek and wistful thing, 

like fallen bird with broken wing.   

Such are the shapes and weary strain

of passing trains in winter rain.

We paused a moment, side by side

confronting Fate in eventide.

But Passion’s Pains of yesteryear

left youthful Ardor draped in fear -

We had our courses to maintain

like passing trains in winter rain.   

I often harken, flashing back,  

to sense the formless twisted track  

muse “Few have loved though all have toyed

inside this vast and vacant void -

The reason why ? At heart, mundane    

as passing trains in winter rain” ...

Reviews

[JayceeC]

This is a beUtiful example of iambic tetrometer. I thought at first you would use Wordsworth's pattern for Daffodils. Rhe first stanza does use his pattern of ABABCC, but then flips into DDEEFF Normally this would be a sticking point, but it just felt like the train switched tracks. I did wait for it to switch back, but it did not really bother me that the rest is written in rhyming couplets. In the end its a reminder that journies are never the same twice. Each time we make it something changes, so we hold on to those fleeting moments that are unique and special. Lovely poem for the one who is just a memory on the journey of life and time.

[Terry O'Leary]

Thank you for your kind words!
And for the interesting, informative comment.
I don't know very much about the 'mechanics' of writing poems... and didn't really notice the 'switching of the tracks' as you so perceptively and cleverly have indicated...
Yes... it would have been better if I had 'switched back'... and indicative of a better poet than I...
Anyway, I have learned much from your comment... Thanks!

[JayceeC]

Writing a metered piece of poetry can be difficult because you almost have to think that way when you write. Whatever rhyme you choose your meter is flawless.

[Roland Petrov]

Whatever it means, this is beautiful and it pleases; therefore, this is a good poem.

[Terry O'Leary]

A very interesting comment!!!
I suppose it means whatever the reader thinks it means or would like it to mean... if you know what I mean... ;-)
I'm happy it pleased you... and thanks for your kind words!!

[Insight "MH"]

That was fantastic! This piece is smooth and clean, like walking on the surface of water without disturbing its stillness.

Insight.

[Terry O'Leary]

Thank you, Insight!

[Insight "MH"]

You are welcome.

[modtoddinc]

Nice job! The timing and rythm of this poem are excellent. Nice metaphors and imagery as well. Thank you for sharing.

Peace, Todd

[Terry O'Leary]

Thank you, Todd...

[R Smith]

I like this poem so very much, its perfect rhyme and imagery, well done :)

[Terry O'Leary]

Thank you, Richard!

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the use of the words "We’re passing trains in winter rain". I enjoyed the story. Allowed the reader to go along with and feeling the emotion and thoughts. The poem left the reader with a separation. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Terry O'Leary]

Thank you for your kind words, and comments... and reading my words!!

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[....................]

Perhaps this is the point at which the ageing pauses to catch a glimpse at youth as it passes by... this appears to occur on the tracks of the mind with moments of lucidity illuminating through the fog, momentarily allowing the speaker to confront 'fate' before being pulled forward in life, again... or perhaps it's just a tale of waling on the tracks in winter rain... but I really like it... great writing, Terry...

[Terry O'Leary]

A fine 'analysis' of my words... thanks, FT, for reading and writing this wonderful comment!

[....................]

My pleasure, Terry...I really enjoyed this piece and have been back to read it a few times :)

[Cherry Pepperweb]

You certainly are gifted Terry. This was a pleasure to read.

[Valentine]

This is absolutely beautiful and so well written. Valentine

[KWP]

i like this very much because yes we are all like passing trains - sometimes on the same track and sometimes gliding parallel and sometimes well we have shifted right away ...

your rhythm and flow here is easy to fall into and you pull at emotions that lie dormant ... funnily this reminds me of my prose piece 'i wonder if I can call it escape?' have a read and you will see some similarites ... or not :)))))

Wordman sent this RR to me and I am refreshed that he did XX

[Terry O'Leary]

Thank you for your kind words... and praise!

I have just read your 'i wonder if...'read moreThank you for your kind words... and praise!

I have just read your 'i wonder if...'
It is an intriguing work!
Yes there are strong similarities... I don't think I would have written mine if I had read yours first...

[KWP]

No way ... Similar yes ... Uniquely different yes ... Much love X