A NUN'S CONFESSION.

TWO NUNS AND A CONFESSION.

In a small chapel of the convent on wall was a small door. On the other wall was a window. There was long altar table on which was a small tabernacle and six candles facing the door. Above this was a crucifix. By the altar table was the Sanctuary Lamp. Six chairs were placed there three on each side of the chapel. Sister Olivia was sitting on one of the chairs. Sister Alice was standing by the table dusting the Tabernacle. Sister Alice said, The breakfast was unusual, Olivia.

Sister Olivia broke from her meditations. I misread the instructions, Sister Alice.

Sister Alice paused her dusting. Toast is toast, Olivia. It needs little instruction.

Sister Olivia said, The porridge. I misread the instructions for that.

Sister Alice raised her eyebrows. Did you wear your glasses?

I mislaid them, said Sister Olive.

Sister Alice nodded her head. Where?

Sister Olivia looked up at Alice. I found them afterwards. They were in the porridge.

The coffee. It was not our usual. Have you bought a different brand? asked Sister Alice.

Sister Olivia said, No.  She paused and looked at her hands. I put tea bags in the coffee pot by mistake. It was an accident. I do try. I really do.

Yes, you do try, said Sister Alice. You are very trying. I think possibly that your talents lay elsewhere, Olivia. Would you mind if another sister took over the duties as cook? I mean it would be a noble thing to do to offer up your duties to one more suited. Moved to Olivia’s side and sat next to her. We each of us have talents somewhere.

Sister Olivia said, Do I?

Sister Alice said softly, Of course.  She looked up at the crucifix. God has plans for each of us.  He has chosen a task for us all. Somewhere. Something. Hopefully. Maybe the garden. How would you like to be in the garden?

Sister Olivia sighed. The garden?

Sister Alice smiled. Digging. Planting. Weeding. Sowing.

Sister Olivia raised a brow. Would I manage that?

Of course, you would. Sister Alice frowned. At least we can try. A while. A little while. See what happens.

Sister Olivia said, You think it best?

Best of all possible worlds, said Sister Alice.

Sister Olivia nodded slowly. Then I need not cook lunch?

Sister Alice said, No. One of the other sisters will attend to that. You make yourself familiar with the garden and the tools.

God be praised, said Sister Olivia.

Sister Alice nodded. Yes, indeed. God be praised. Thank God. Sister Olivia bowed down towards the Tabernacle, and then left the chapel. Sister Alice remained sitting her eyes downcast.
                   
 A few hours later in the Common Room. Sister Edna and Sister Olivia were sitting around the table. Sister Edna was knitting and Sister Olivia was reading a book. Sister Edna said, Do you think you'll settle down here, Olivia?

Sister Olivia looked at the nun. Oh, yes. I think it's fine here. She lifted her eyes from her book to look at Sister Edna. Seems small. Sort of crowded in.

Sister Edna said, After the Mother House it would seem small. There they have nearly two hundred sisters and as many cells. She put down her knitting. She brought her hands together as if she were about to pray. I remember when I first came here from the Mother House I thought it most bewildering.

Sister Olivia said, Bewildering?

Confused and puzzled by the smallness of the place here, said Sister Edna. A small chapel with no stained glass or statues. A refectory that is like a closet and a common room that is too large. A garden small in comparison to the large one I'd left behind. No cloister to speak of, except the passageways about the house itself. Most baffled I was. She smiled weakly, as if unsure a smile was needed. And so few sisters for company. You will find the garden a less busy place than the kitchen. More suited to you I think, Olivia.

Sister Olivia looked puzzled. Who will cook now? I didn't intend to leave it to others. I just don't seem to have the knack. My father didn't like me in the kitchen at home.  He didn't like me interfering in things. Just leave things be, Olivia, he'd say. I never got the knack of things. She looked at her book. Opened a few pages at random. Never did any in the Mother House neither. I was a domestic mostly. Cleaning the toilets, kitchen, church, and cloisters too. They were large cloisters. Cold in winter.

Sister Edna thought deeply for a moment or so. Yes. They were cold in winter. The church too if I remember.

Sister Olivia sighed. The church was so peaceful. Despite the numbers of sisters, it always seemed as if you were alone with God. She closed the book and put it on the table. One needs to be alone with God.

Sister Edna gazed at Olivia. It's our whole vocation, Olivia. Were your parents Catholics?

Sister Olivia pulled a face.  My mother was. At least she went to mass occasionally. My father wasn’t religious at all. She looked across the room and her focus was on the small crucifix above the door. He didn't like me going to mass. He didn't like my mother going to mass either. Said it was all nonsense. Said my mind would be corrupted by so much balderdash and claptrap. His words not mine, Edna. His words.

Sister Edna nodded. How did you get to become a nun?

I read an advertisement in a catholic paper, said Olivia. I wrote to them. It was all hush-hush. Mother knew, but we said nothing to my father. Not a word. Not a whisper.

Sister Edna said, Does he mind now?

He doesn't know where I am, said Olivia. She picked up the book again and turned a few pages. Then she stopped and looked at the book cover. We never told him. We daren't.

Sister Edna said, Who gave permission for your entry?

Sister Olivia stared at Edna. My mother. She wrote and told them...Told them my father was away.  She stood up from the table and walked to the window with the book in her hand. She peered out onto the garden below. My mother hasn’t told him where I went. Says she doesn't know where I am. I don't expect he believes her. He...Can be violent. She has not told him though. She writes occasionally. She came when I took my solemn vows last year.        

It's a miracle you're here at all. What a dreadful thing for you. Does anyone else know? said Sister Edna.

Sister Olivia said, No. She sighed. The garden is small. It should be all right for me shouldn't it? I won't fail this time will I?

The garden is waiting for your hands, Olivia. You will make a good gardener, said Edna.

Sister Olivia gazed at Edna. Will I?

Sister Edna nodded. Yes.

Do you remember a Sister Bridget? asked Olivia.

Sister Edna nodded. The one with the funny eye?

Sister Olivia smiled. Yes. When she looks at you you're not sure if she speaking to you or the sister next door to you. Well, she was my Novice-Mistress. She was very kind. She said that if I had any problems to go to her. But I never did. I never told her about my daddy. Only told you. Don't know why. Sorry to have burdened you with my tales.

Sister Edna gave a brief smile. I am honoured that you confided in me. No burden to me, Olivia.  She stood and went to the window next to Olivia.

Sister Olivia sighed and then said, The roses are pretty. Especially the red ones. I like roses.

Sister Edna said, I like roses too.

You won't tell anyone what I've told you will you? said Olivia.

Sister Edna shook her head. No. Your tales are locked away in my secret drawer in my mind. No one will know through me.

Sister Olivia smiled. I should go back to the garden. It will be Sext soon.  She turned away from the window. She stopped and looked at Sister Edna, but said nothing more. She walked across the room and out of the door. Sister Edna watched her go and stood staring at the door even after she had gone.