SEXUAL DESIRE 1969

A POLISH GIRL AND HER PARENTS AND THE BOY SHE HAS HAD SEX WITH BUT HAS DENIED IN 1969

When Tata
said to me
Sophia he is all right

Benedict is all right
and I believe
you and he

have not had sex
I was relieved
and felt the perspiration

run down my back
and into my blouse
yesterday evening

and while he
was saying that
I had just pushed

the image
of Benedict and me
humping on my bed

him whispering
those words
love you

love you
in my ear
and when Tata

called Mamusia
into the lounge
and said

Benedict is all right
I believe her
when she say

she and he
have not had the sex
and he hugged her

and kissed her cheek
and I could see
she was relieved too

and now lying in bed
with lights out
the moon visible

through the window
of my bedroom
I can relax

and enjoy the image
of Benedict and me
here in this bed

humping away
like soldiers
on a mission

him above me
me beneath
being entered

and sensing him
sensing his every
touch and kiss

but now as I do so
I think but what if
Tata had not

believed me
what if he knew
I had had sex

with Benedict
in this bed
what then?

how I would be now?
and I visualize Tata
staring at me

his dark eyes
full of fire
burning out

all memories
of Benedict
and sexual desire.