IS MISSED 1940

A BLIND AND LEGLESS WOMAN IN HOSPITAL IN LONDON IN 1940

After being washed
and dressed in fresh nightclothes
and my hair brush
I am wheeled out
into the sunshine
outside the ward
and sit here listening
to the sounds about me
and smelling the flowers
I cannot see
and feeling an itch
in my toes which
I do not have

all alone?
a voice says
to my right

Philip?

Yes
the voice replies
how are you?

I turn and face where
his voice comes from

coping about
I say putting out
a hand to touch him
and feel his hands
and he takes mine
and kisses it

how was the red dress?

Beautiful or so
I am told
but I tried it on
and it felt beautiful
against my skin
and the new underwear
I say shyly
not knowing
if he blushes or not

he holds my hand
for a while longer
and says
I'm glad
sorry I couldn't be here
to see you in the dress
but I had been called away
work business
part of the War effort
he says but says no more

I see
I say
the nurse helped me
with the dress
and other items
I've never been so intimate
with some one
I can't see
the nurse I mean
she dresses me
and washes me
and all that private stuff
I add

I'm trying to arrange
a date for me
to take you out to dinner
he says
but the doctors
are uncertain yet
but it will happen
before you outgrow the dress
with being too well
looked after and fed  

we are talking
about hospital food here
I say and laugh
and he laughs

and it reminds me
of Clive and how
he made me laugh that night
after going out to the dance
and he tickled me
to nigh wetting-point
and told me this joke
which had me in stitches
then we made love
and as I think about him
and the love making

I clutch out and grab
Philip's hand
and hold it tight
and want at that moment
for him to make love to me
no sight
no legs and all
just to have me
but I say nothing
just stare into darkness
and put on a smiling face

I say
maybe soon they'll
let me go out with you

he leans forward
and he kisses my forehead
with his warm lips
and says
yes hope so
you've been here
on the ward
for quite a while now
since the bombing night

Clive died at Dunkirk
I say suddenly
tears fill my eyes

Philip holds me
and I sense his body
close to mine
and I wish I had legs
and could get up
out of the wheelchair
but I can't and sit here
being held and kissed
and it's Clive
and legs
and sight
and life free
that I miss
and is missed.