ANXIOUS STARE MCMLXXI

A YOUTH IN AN ABBEY IN 1971 HAUNTED BY A WOMAN

Only to please God
is why we are here
Dom Joe
(dear Bunny) said,

facientes voluntatem Dei,

he went and got me
macaroni cheese
for supper even though
I was late arriving
and a mug of cocoa
with skin on top,

agréable à la langue
et le c�"ur
a French monk said,

you can have me
anyway you choose
she said and I did,

the impudence
of the sinner
displeases God
as much
as the modesty
of the penitent
gives him pleasure
said Bernard,

from my room(cell)
I saw only the rooftop
of the abbey
and the grey slate
wet with rain,

Hugh talked of his
carpentry work
I made the chairs
in the guest house
common room
he said
he was no
George Hepplewhite
and I told him
and he sulked,

l'orgoglio viene prima
di una caduta
the Italian monk said
as we walked back
from our Thursday walk
to the abbey,

Dom Gregory stood
in the shadows
of the cloister
half in half out
arms crossed
staring into the garth,

she lay
on her bed welcoming
legs spread
her garden of Eve
visible and Elvis
sang from the Hi-fi,

I polished the choir stalls
after the office of Terce
and sunlight poured
from the high windows
on the polished wood,

blessedness is not
the reward of virtue
but virtue itself
said Gareth
quoting Spinoza
as we threw stones
at the incoming tides
on the abbey beach,

red and yellow bricks
on walls and cloister
and the church designed
by a monk and built
by local workmen
and I stared and ran
my hand along
the bricks as I walked,

ver a Dios y ser feliz
the Spanish monk said
as we worked
in the orchard
picking apples
for the refectory store,

the wooden Crucified
on the wall of my cell
aged by time and wear
at night before sleep
I would kneel there
and give it
an anxious stare.