AS IF HURLED 1940

A WOMAN IS VISITED IN HOSPITAL BY A FRIEND IN 1940 IN LONDON.

Hello Grace
someone says
I listen

struggling
through darkness
and my pain

to try and
recognize
who it is

it's me Jean
the voice says
turning round

to the sound
I reach out
to touch her

feel her hand
she holds mine
her fingers

rubbing mine
how are you?
her voice asks

are you ok
outside here
in the grounds

I hate it
inside there
on the ward

of that dark
hospital
I tell her

I hear her
bring a chair
and sit down

next to me
I'm fine here
she replies

weather's warm
the skies blue
she pauses

how are you?
I feel left
in the dark

and legless
I reply
you still have

your humour
I can see
I'm silent

for a moment
smelling her
taking in

her perfume
that smells good
I tell her

what smells good?
your perfume
its is called

Primitif
Max Factor
she replies

I have none
all mine went
in the blast

but a nurse
has lent me
a bottle

I utter
I reach down
seeing if

my nightgown
covers up
my leg stumps

now bandaged
Jean's silent
possibly

horrified
at the sight
of me there

with no legs
and no sight
when she knows

I loved to
go dancing
and go see

the ballets
now nothing
but darkness

sitting here
in this chair
(a wheelchair)

do they hurt?
she asks me
all the time

I have drugs
but the pain
comes through it

I reply
I'm sorry
she utters

don't be please
I don't want
the pity

I just want
my friends back
as they were

not just come
to see me
as I am

like some freak
I utter
harder than

I meant to
her two hands
now grip mine

you're no freak
she whispers
your our Grace

without legs
or your sight
still our Grace

there's quiet
as if God
had turned off

all the sounds
of His world
no bird song

no traffic
no breeze near
no breathing

then I say
I want life
want to live

have children
be a wife
believe it

and you will
Jean replies
bird song's back

and traffic
as if God
had turned on

all the sounds
of His world
and I am

in this dark
and darkness
as if hurled.