WHAT YOU OFTEN DREAD 1956

A BOY AND GIRL IN LONDON IN 1956 AND DOLLS

We walked through
the Square and across
Bath Terrace and into the flats
where Janice lived
with her gran

I had promised to go see
her dolls as she had been
to my place to see
my wind-up train set earlier

her gran was ironing
in the sitting room
when we got in

and said
be careful of the iron
and don't make a mess Janice
you know I like things
put away afterwards

and o hello Benny
and how are you?

O I'm fine
I said

and how's your mother?
(she always asked me that
I wondered if
she expected my mother
to be unwell
having me as a son)

o Mum's ok
I said
keeping
the conversation
as short as I could

and your father?
is he all right?

yes he is fine
I said

I brought Benny home
to show him my dolls
Janice said quietly

dolls?
Gran said
Benny's like dolls?

well
I said
I've come and see
you never know
what you may see

well don't
make a mess Janice
I've tidied up
your bedroom
and I'd like it
to stay that way

yes Gran
Janice said
and we went through
to her bedroom
and closed the door

it was a tidy room
with neat pillows
and blankets
and on the side
on a chair
was a big doll
and on the window ledge
were other dolls
lined up staring at us

Janice picked up
the big doll and said
this is Jenny
say hello Jenny
and she picked up the doll
and tipped it
upside down
and the doll made
a noise like Mama
and Janice said
say hello Benny

so I said
hello Jenny

and Janice waved
the doll's arm at me

so I waved my arm at her
hoping to God
I'd be out
and home soon after

she showed me
the other dolls
and said their names
and how sometimes
she had tea with them
and Gran would
provide water
for her small tea set

and I looked out
the window which
looked out
on Bath Terrace
and at the coal wharf
to the right

do you want
to the daddy?
Janice said

no not just now
I said
how about
we go to Jail Park
and have a ride
on the swings and slide
as it's a warm day ?

ok
she said
but you have
to say goodbye
to the dollies first
and shake their hands

ok
I said
and realized you
sometimes
have to do
what you often dread.