LOOKS MISERABLE

A GIRL IN A MENTAL WARD IN 1967

Nima stares at the ward.
Nima wants to cause a scene.
She wants to raise hell.

The few nurses on duty
are not busy.
They're stuck in

an office yakking.
If she'd been sick
in the body and not

in the head or wasn't
a druggie they'd
be all over her

like sick of a baby.
Since she's backslided
and got a hit

from some idiot
she's on watch now
and not allowed out

except in the grounds.
She sucks on a cigarette
and inhales on it.

Watches the laughing nurses
in the office.
If she was able

she'd lock
the b******s in.
She walks along

the small area of grass
outside peering in.
She's no one to talk to.

The other patients
piss her off.
Talk nonsense.

She's one of the few
druggies on the ward
the others are mental cases.

Jewel's ok.
She's a manic depressive.
Gives her cigarettes.

Talks to her
in a deepness
she can almost drown in.

On a bad day
Jewel'll not talk at all
but sit staring at a wall

or lay in bed
with a blanket
over her head.

Jewel talks of ECTs.
She sees them take her off
sometimes and then

she's gone sometime
and comes back
dreary eyed and moody.

Nima wants a hit or sex
or something to break
the monotony.

Benedict said he'd come.
She waits for him.
She watches for him

at visitors time.
The few visitors that come
could fill a telephone box.

She wants him to come.
Wants him.
They had a quickie once

in a small room off
the side corridor.
Uncomfortable but good.

She peers in the ward.
A few visitors arrive
and stroll in

and some bring flowers
or chocs or nothing.
Benedict arrives

and sees her outside
and comes out to her.
Wasn't sure if you'd come

she says.
Said I would
he says.

He hands her a packet
of cigarettes
and a Mars bar.

She stuffs them
in the pocket
of her dressing gown.

They talk.
Walk on and around
the small area.

The nurses watch them.
She knows they're
being watched.

It makes her feel
wanted in an odd way.
She kisses him.

They kiss.
Her hand around
his waist her

the other hand
holding a cigarette.
He hugs her close

one hand
touching her behind.
They kiss again.

Clouds darken. Sky fills.
Looks miserable.
Looks like rain.