SONYA IN PARIS.

A MAN AND WOMAN IN PARIS IN 1973 AND REGRETS AND SEX

Sonya liked the Eiffel Tower,
the art galleries,
the Arc de Triomphe.

We met in a café
in a back street of Paris,
coffee, small cream cakes,
she smoking
her French cigarettes.

You have regrets?
She asked.

Most of us do,
I said.

When my father died
I regret things
I didn't say to him,
she said,
always the regrets,
and when Mother go
and leave,
I thought it was
because of me,
I regret not trying
to find her
when I was older,
she added.

I sipped the coffee,
taking in her blonde
pulled-back-in-a-tight-pony-tail hair,
her red lips,
opening and closing with words.

Regrets are useless things,
I said,
you can do nothing with them,
they change nothing,
don't make one
feel better, only worse.

She looked at me,
her steely blue eyes
sharp as blades.

One cannot choose
to regret or not,
it is there, like scar,
one cannot push out,
she said.

I regret having regrets,
I said,
if I counted up all my regrets
and could turn them
into coins I’d be a rich guy.

She inhaled on her cigarette;
her fingers were browning
where she held
the cigarette so often.

I regret my first boyfriend,
she said,
he wanted sex all the time,
like animal, always
the wanting sex sex sex.

I looked at the waitress
passing by the table,
tight black dress,
white apron
tight about her waist,
nice legs.

Yes, that can be a problem
I guess,
I said,
awkward on dates;
when or do you
get down to sex
on the second date
or third or not at all?

She sipped her coffee,
looked at me,
blue eyes to sink in.

Not have sex,
she said,
until both are ready,
until both agree
time is right.

I noted the waitress
pass by again.

Nice behind,
I thought.

Regrets,
Sonya said,
always there,
like sin,
once it bite into soul
hard to get out.

Yes, I guess so,
I said,
I've been in
the confessional more times
than a w***e
drops her draws.

She flushed, looked away.
I put a hand
to my lips;
the things(regretted),
I thought,
I say.