YISKA AT DAWN.

A GIRL IN A LOCKED WARD OF MENTAL HOSPITAL IN 1971

Yiska sat by the window
of the locked ward
looking out
at the dawn light
coming through
the trees of the wood

behind her snores
from the sleepers
coughs
words spoken out
in dreams

she looked back
into the ward
and semi dark
lights from the night nurse's office
smeared into
the locked ward's
space

she looked back
into the wood
and the light of dawn
breaking through
the trees
like an army of ghosts

out there he was
he who ditched her
at the altar
she and her
upside down day
wedding that wasn't
bride who near died
can't live
without him
she'd said
wish I was dead

the light spread
through the trees
fingering branches

you're not going to
until after the wedding
she'd said
they never did

maybe that was it?
she asked
the coming light
pushing aside night
because I’d not do it
before the day?
wouldn't let him
have his way?
she said

a voice muttered
behind her
words muffled
by snores

out there
somewhere
he's there
he who betrayed
(he hasn't turned up
I’m afraid)
the best man's words
let lose
like angry birds
flapping
about her head

I want to be dead
she had cried
and almost died
(handful of pills
all sorts
colours
types
strengths)

the light was spreading
through wood
burn it all
nothing now
(she said
recalling Auden)
can come
to any good.