RIPPING APART OF ELAINE'S HEART.

A SCHOOL GIRL AND HER LIFE OF LOVE AND THOUGHTS.

Elaine feels

as if she's the center

of the world,

as if

she was

standing there

in all her frumpish nudity

for all the world to see.

She stands

against the fence

in the girls' playground

as the boys stream by

to theirs.

She knows John

was on the school bus;

he was across the aisle,

but she hadn't looked,

she gazed out the window

the whole way.

She had stood

by the the steps

of the bus

after she'd got off

hoping he would

speak to her

or touch her arm

or ...or what?

her inner voice asks

kiss you again?

his lips on yours

in view of all?

Silly fool.

She stands there,

hands in the pockets

of her dark green coat,

eyes lowered,

sucking

a boiled sweet.

Morning Frumpy,

two passing girls say,

have sex last night?

They walk on

giggling.

What is sex?

she'd asked

her mother

some months back

dirty things,

don’t' indulge

or talk about it

came the reply.

She stuffed

the words in a box

in her head

marked: dirty,

do not open.

Have sex? she muses,

was it a kind of gift

given wrapped?

She looks at the two girls

walking away,

arms linked,

giggling together,

dark green coats,

white socks,

blacks shoes,

shoulder to shoulder.

John had kissed her

the day before.

What was it for?

For real? A joke?

The impression

of his lips

presses still

on her lip’s skin.

She licks to see

if he's still there,

lingering

in some spittle

somewhere.

She can't get him

or his kiss

from her mind,

he resides there

like a secret tenant,

being,

moving about,

not heeding her,

not paying rent.

She feels the ends

of her black shoes

pressing on the tips

of her toes,

too tight, not right.

He presses against

the tips

of her soul

and heart,

slowly ripping

each apart.