Acadamia

Uncast oddity. I proclaim you

Lord of precision.

With those eagle eyes and lack of wings 

You drop to the top.

Behold the hostile hue,

That sparkles in criticism.

Witness the glorious prestige of the caged eagle

Who expands in the presence of glory. 

Cast commodity. Audaciously review

The shriveled wings that ominously slash.

Forever grasping at a malign speed

Digging out the souls of those with wings.

Reviews

[Ramsey's Rebellion]

I'm having trouble making sense of this poem because of the shifts in perspective. I'm not sure who is saying what to whom. Additionally, I feel that the poem relies too heavily on the title to give meaning to its content. I feel like without the title, I would never have a clue you were ranting about acadamia.

I feel that the last stanza is the strongest, and I like the round structure you create with the Uncast oddity/cast commodity. As I said before, your imagery is savage and it appeals to me. :)

A bit of advice, if you'd care to take it (feel free to ignore because you know your art better than anyone else): this poem relies too heavily on vague symbolism. I am of the school of thought that concrete, visceral images are better than vague make you think (make the reader do the work) symbols. Let the concrete descriptions and details become symbols in and of themselves. For example, the poem could be about a caged eagle jealous of other birds, enticing them into his glorified tower so he can rip their wings off of their bodies. You could use words like ivory cage set up on a pedestal where birds enter to lose their flight. By keeping it all concrete and telling a story with the eagle you can drop hints about academia and then in thew punch line reveal that the Eagle has a Ph.D. in avian flight. The irony would be quite delicious.

But as I said, my hands are getting way too dirty in this poem. It is yours and you have artistic control. I just wanted to show you how to do the same thing, use symbolism, use metaphor, and keep it neat.

But what do I know, I'm just a substitute teacher. haha