Fears (revised)

A slow beating heart is all that can be heard with in the silence. The tears of the innocent stained the ground that you were to stand on. Something about this world is dark and lost, to even step in to it is your death. You will struggle to find the way out, yet all that you are to find is one dead end after another. Trapped forever with in this endless maze that you stand in. With each turn you will find your deepest fears standing before you. The red glowing eyes peer at you through the darkness,  bleach white teeth bearing at you. A snarl can be heard echoing through out the maze, you can feel your heart starting to increase with every beat. Your body starting to shake as you struggle to run, yet your feet disobey your every command. Tears run down your face as the red eyes come closer to you.

You do not want to die, not today, not ever. Each breath that you take starts to require more and more effort. Struggling to breath you collapse to all fours, Eyes open wide staring at the ground. Gasps of breaths could be heard as you feel your heart beating faster and faster. You could hear your fears step closer and closer, till they stop moving all together. You can feel its hot breath upon your neck, you resist to move with all that you have. Something about this makes you want to look, yet you know you will hate what you see if you do. You could feel your throat tighten up, your nose starts to get stuffy and eyes blurry. Your nails dig them self in to the ground, tearing them from your figures as you lift your hand. Blood covered hands is all that you see as you stair horrified at your nails that rest in the ground. 

Jagged breaths are all that could be heard as tears poor from your eyes; you try to wipe them away to find out that they are no longer tears and that you cannot see. With in your hands you feel two small orbs; running your fingers around them you gasp in horror as they fall from your blood stained hands. Moving your hands slowly to your face you feel around for where your eyes should be located, you find nothing but blank holes with in your scull. You let out a scream that could chill anyone to the bone, and bring sorrow to the listener.  A bony hand could be felt upon your shoulder. Your body refuses to listen to you command as you feel that hand move from your shoulder to your neck. You are helpless, trapped with in your own body as the hand tightens its grip on you.

You struggle to breath as it tightens its grasp around your neck; you could feel your body begin to shut down as you try to pull its hands away. You tried hard to make the pain stop, you could not help but think that you do not want to die. Your body starts to fall limp as the last breath starts to escape your lips. You could feel your life start to escape your body until nothing. laying their in your own blood, your lifeless body is to be lost for days to come. No one ever knowing what had become of you, or what had happened to you. You are lost in time, never to surface again. Your fears had consumed you before you could stop it, it was to late, and it conquered you  . Took your life right from under you before you could even protest. 

How could something so precious as a life be taken easily with out warning. Your fears can take you out if you let them. If you don't fight they will consume you and Once the darkness of death is to fall upon your immortal flesh; their is no way of fighting now. You have not only lost the fight, but the war as well. The war of your fears, a war that seems to have no end. One that you cannot be victorious at, no matter how hard you try. Yet your fears are nothing but an illusion of your mind, they really do not exist. You are capable to achieve any task, as long as you fight for it. Because once you give up, your fears will win the power over you; and you shall never recover from that.  

Reviews

[Inda]

Some minor grammar issues, but i like the overall idea. I would try to make a stronger connection between the first paragraph and the reat of the body or consider ending the first paragraph on "..starting to increase with every beat." And then uniting the following sentence with the second paragraph, still love the idea and i am interested to see your final version.

[Chris]

Hi Res... It was almost like listening to a voice-over of a running video. You DO need to read this aloud - and slowly - to detect the flaws. Numerous places where two words need be changed in to - into - one word. "poor" - pour. "Could" - can. Punctuate as your voice dictates.

Take care,
Chris

[Rachel Anderson]

Interesting! I see where you're taking this. Definitely an enjoyable read!