Gregory *re-edit*

The updated version of my basketball playing banana story who plays against space creatures. Still graphic and random.

     Most people would never consider a banana being capable of playing a game like basketball. However, there is one man who knows the truth. There is rumor of a legend, that there may-or-may-not-be a banana who can play basketball.

            Some-Guy tosses the ball over to Anthony.

“Yo man, are we gonna play some ball or what?”

“Alright already, but I’ve got Gregory on my team.”

            Some-Guy’s face turns to confusion as he looks around the court. There is no one else around them.

“Yo man, who are you talking about?”

            Anthony stares deep into Some-Guy’s eyes, causing him to stumble back. It felt as if Anthony was somehow dissecting Some-Guy’s mind. Finding all of his weaknesses.

Anthony’s checks pulled all the way back, showing his teeth, as he smiled and replied, “Gregory.”

            Anthony passed the ball back to Some-Guy. He stood there staring at Anthony for a moment, and then began dribbling the ball, “Yo…whatever, let’s just play,” he says shaking his head.

            The two stand face-to-face, hunched over, staring into each other’s eyes. Some-guy dribbles the ball behind him with one hand, and holds the other one by Anthony’s chest.

“Where yo boy Greg at,” Some-guy says smirking.

“Don’t worry, he’s right here,” Anthony drags out the “I.”

            Some-Guy gives Anthony a concerned look, “yo Anthony, you f****n’ crazy man.”

“Nah it’s all good man.”

            Shaking his head once again, Some-Guy fakes out Anthony and breaks past him. He hauls down the court. He reaches the edge of the three-point line, and does a fantastic leap towards the hoop. Anthony smiles and slings something at Some-Guy, who is inches from the edge of the basket. The ball began to float out of Some-Guy’s hand when suddenly, the banana that Anthony had thrown, smacked Some-Guy in the face. Causing his hand to change course and miss the basket. He slams hard into the blacktop,

“Yo, what the f**k just happened,” Some-Guy asks as he stares blankly at the ground on all fours.

            An innocent child’s laughter leaves Anthony’s mouth, “It’s that top-notch defense, what now boy.” He waves his hands in Some-Guys face.

            “Did you just throw a f****n banana at me?”

            “You already knew I had Greg on my team.”

            “Whatever man.”

            “Dude, I told you like three times, my ball.”

            Anthony begins dribbling, and the two get locked into another hunched huddle, staring each other down. For a while nothing happens. They just keep staring.

            F**k man, what is going on here, Some-Guy begins thinking.

Sweat begins forming on Some-Guy’s forehead. One of the beads begins to trickle down towards his eye. Anthony stops gazing at Some-Guy’s eye’s to watch the traveling bead. Some-Guy thinks he has an opening, but before the message reaches his limbs, Anthony whips his head at Some-Guy. He pulls his head back sharply, causing the sweat to enter his eye. Anthony rushes past his handicapped opponent laughing, heading towards the basket.

Some-Guy finally rubs the sweat out of his eye, and begins sprinting at Anthony. He catches up instantly, and steals the ball easily from Anthony, “Got’em.”

Anthony stops and pivots around quickly. He hurls Gregory to retrieve the ball. Just a few feet from the three-point line, Some-Guy suddenly slips into the air, and slams down hard onto his back. His head bounces once on the blacktop.

He shouts, “What the f**k,” as he stares into the beautiful, blue, calming sky.

“What man, it’s that Gregory defense baby.”

Anthony begins to do a small victory dance while Some-Guy struggles to his feet by himself. He walks over to Anthony and pokes his chest, “Well I just smooshed ya boy Greg,” he jabs Anthony’s chest again, “Whatcha gonna do about it?”

“I’m going to rape you until the flesh on your body dries into a nice leather that I can wear in the winter time.”

  Before Some-Guy has anytime to process what just exited Anthony’s mouth, he was already face-first in the pavement. Tears begin pouring out of Some-Guys confused face, “What the hell is happening?”

Anthony slams his victim’s head on the ground, “You’re gonna shut that pretty little mouth of your before I fill it fulla this carrot dick!”

As Anthony tames Some-Guy on the basketball court, a dark black cloud begins forming in the sky. Small bolts of lightning start flickering around a hole forming in the middle of the cloud. They steadily become stronger, thicker bolts of pure energy. The two stop struggling and look up. Out of the hole, a small, dark, oval-shaped ship begins to descend upon them.

The ship slams down, destroying the court right by the two friends. The ship is actually a white color, with globs of some"thing"on the outside. Almost resembling an egg. An egg you may have forgotten about for a couple of years, hiding under your fridge, making friends with all the dust and crumbs, that kind of egg.

A door opens, and a figure emerges, and begins rolling towards the pair.

“F**k,” Anthony drags the u out, “it’s my arch nemesis XJ94 Delta!”

The robot stops rolling a few feet away from the pair. The group stays silent for a moment. They all look at one another with piercing, squinted, questioning eyes. Finally XJ94 Delta speaks, “Beeep beep booop, bwoop-woop!”

“How about you just put a f****n sock in XJ94.

XJ94 Delta lets out deafening high-pitch screech.

Anthony looks down at Some-Guy. He’s sobbing, with blood pouring out from his ears, “What the f**k is goin on!”

“Sorry old friend, but I’m gonna have to absorb your energy in order to beat him.”

Anthony smiles a sincere and gentle smile at his friend. Then he tenses his hands into fists, and pulls his arms back. He begins shouting angrily into the air. Some-Guy suddenly stops crying. His eyes open wide. His head begins to spasm violently. The top of his head begins to cave in slowly, at first, and like a bullet, his head shot inside of his body. Then his chest collapsed quickly inside of his legs, which were being absorbed into the tip of his penis.

His body flashed a brilliant golden aura. His body began to morph, and when the transformation was complete, Anthony stood transformed. He had become a two-ton, cybernetic, made-in-Vietnam, fiesta-piñata pig. “Oink Oink you outdated, mini-disk listening, stupid beta-version-a*s pile of s**t,” fire shooting out of his front hooves and snout.

 XJ94 Delta’s head spins around rapidly as he lets out and violent beeps, clicks, woops, and whistles. Before Anthony has anytime to utilize any useful fire ability, XJ94 Delta fires several high-powered chainsaw missiles from its chest. The chainsaws tear inside of Anthony’s body, turning his insides into a butcher’s wet dream of intestines. A random bum, who has been watching since the beginning of Anthony and Some-Guy’s game, stands up and shuffles closer.

“Bacon time,” he shouts in their direction.

The missiles fly out of Anthony’s body. His pig flesh drops like a damp robe. A figure, totally covered in blood, remains standing in the center of all the guts and micro-chips. XJ94 Delta reveres back in fear.

The mysterious figure’s eyes shoot open. He flashes a blindingly white smile, and mimes a shot, “I’m back, yuh,” he says smiling.

XJ94 Delta begins wildly rolling back-and-forward. Sparks from its spinning head and body shoot off in every direction. His body sputters back some, and then jolts forward one last time. A small fire on his back starts up.

The whispers of fools were right!  Standing in front of XJ94 Delta’s lifeless shell is none other than Gregory, the basketball playing banana!

He laughs, “Saved the day again with"“

“Not so fast dingus,” says a voice from the rotten space-egg ship.

“So what part of space spit out your mechanically engineered a*s?”

 The figure emerges from the ship. A tall creature, with a big round chest, and large beautiful wings walked down to meet Gregory. Gregory’s eyes are shut as he slips on head sweatband. When Gregory looks back at the figure he is mortified. He can barely get any words out from his mouth shut by disgust.

Up close, the figure has the same foul transformation as the ship. The creature, while very large, has legs the size of toothpicks. His large round chest looks like it may be part of a cow, or maybe it’s part of some space creature? His head resembles the pink sherbet substance that gets pressed into nuggets, and at the end of it sits a speaker with wires connected to his back. The wings are charred blackish-brown. The individual bones and veins can be seen through greasy translucent skin. “I’m GMO free a*****e.”

Gregory opens his mouth to respond, but all that comes out is banana puree. The mutant bird shuffles over furiously and begins pecking at the puree.

“For f**k’s sake Quimby, you have chicken’s wings with a,” he stares at Quimby’s chest, “well…your mouth’s a speaker!”

“And?”

“What kind of f*****g bird are you even trying to be?”

“It’s not obvious,” Quimby is taken back in shock, “well I never"“

“And I never seen anything like you.”

“Come on Gregory/ how you gonna dis me/ act like you don’t know me"“

“I don’t.”

            Quimby’s face melts into a frown, “I’m a frickin quail man!”

“Are we settle this or what?”

“You want to have a rap battle instead?”

“No not really, I doubt someone could even come up with any legitimate lyrics.”

Quimby covers his mouth with one hand and waves the other in the air, “Ohhhh, you just burnt me hard man!”

“I was actually talking about the author, besides there’s no way you can get any more burnt.”

“Who,” Quimby questions, “maybe the sequel then?”

  “Maybe, your ball.”

Gregory passes the ball over to Quimby, but he cannot grasp the ball with his dry fried out wings.

“Are you serious?”

“Maybe you should get the ball first?”

Gregory gently shakes his head despair and begins dribbling.

“Come at me with your best you old brown-spotted…fruit!”

The two begin playing seriously. Gregory swoops around Quimby with ease, but when Quimby get the ball, it’s not good news for Gregory. Quimby uses the jetpack implanted in his back to slam some sweet genetically engineered dunks. The score is fourty-seven Greg, to Quimby’s 16.

The two stand face-to-face in the center of the court.

“You know I let you have those points right?”

“Yeah right/ you know I play tight/ always getting up til the end of the fi"“

Gregory uses this chance to make a move. He lunges right. Quimby takes the bate and moves right. Quickly, Gregory spins around, drops the basketball, and grabs Quimby’s head with both hands. Gregory spins back around and twists Quimby’s head around 180-degrees.

“What the hell”

“Fool, I have an owl’s neck!”

“Right there, that’s what I’m saying, that’s not natural for a quail.”

“Neither is this,” Quimby pulls out of Gregory’s grip.

Quimby begins firing thick laser beams from his mouth speaker. Gregory dodges them easily thanks to his superb athletic ability, and slender size.

Quimby guards his basket by hovering in front. On the exact opposite side of the court, Gregory stands dribbling, thinking of a game plan.

“What’re you waiting for, come at me!”

Gregory moves his upper lip up towards the right, and charges at Quimby. Gregory reaches the half-court line and springs forward. His body moves angelically through the air. Time slows as Quimby shifts thrusters to intercept Gregory’s play. Gregory blinks slowly and lowers the ball behind his back. He tosses the ball from behind. It arches over Quimby. Gregory grabs hold of Quimby’s head again, and begins rotating in the air. Spinning Quimby’s head round-and-round. 180-degrees, 360, 540, 720, until finally 1080-degrees is reached.

Quimby’s neck locks, “No!”

“Saiyo-nara fowl creature/ I knew I would defeat cha/ ends like slasha film/ when you come in my zone.”

            Quimby’s eyes begin to water, “that s**t was so fresh.”

            Gregory smiled his bright calming smile, “Until the sequel my friend.”

            “What?”

            Gregory snaps Quimby’s head off. The body hurls into the ground and burst into flames. Gregory shoots a fade away with the semi-mechanical, pink-yogurt looking head. The head touches the rim and begins rolling around it. It stops. Gregory slams backwards into the ground, and watches the monstrosity of a head fall into the hoop. Quickly followed by the basketball.

            Gregory throws his arms up in victory and lays back.

            “Saved the day/ with my fade away/ hooray,” he drops his arms and closes his eyes.

            Gregory lays back enjoying the nature around him. Letting it all sinkin.

            “Hey banana b***h, wanna play?”

            Gregory’s eyes shoot open, “F**k it.”

 

 

                                    END

Author's Note

Ok, so this is the version where you can let me know about any spelling or grammar errors. Let me know about anything, if the dialogue sucks, it's boring in some parts, whatever. Positive feedback though, huh? I know this story is out there. Thank you.