The Planet Enterprise - 2

The Planet Enterprise -2

 

You’re a vicious serpent with forked tongue.

Everything you say and do has two meanings.

The naïve and innocent are mistaken with one.

For they’re tempted to see their reflection of good in you.

 

You imbue in their minds and manipulate their perception.

You use their beliefs to keep them enslaved,

To your vile and malicious intentions,

While you roam in the arrogance of wealth and power.

 

You commodify every facet of human existence,

Health, food, childhood, old age, Life and Death.

And You pollute the psyche of humanity

With porn, politics, and distractions of glamor & sex,

To keep them asleep to your underlying agendas,

Of capitalizing on their addictions

as well as on their beingness.

 

And you think you will get away with this?

Then you are horribly mistaken.

Your shots at immortality won’t save you.

For (Life and Death) = Unknown

And when the Unknown strikes,

Then there is no then.

 

08-01-21

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[JayG]

Obviously, you're upset, but you might want to look at what was said again, when you're not angry and reacting.

You're TELLING when you should be SHOWING. You need to either impress the reader with the beauty of the language and phrasing—which you don't, here—or, involve the reader, emotionally. In other words, make the reader care, and want to read on. Remember, the reader is a volunteer, not a conscript. Lecture them for a single line and they're gone.

Saying you follow no rules of poetry is another way of saying that you don't write poetry. You can't just label something a poem and expect the world to agree. If you don't follow the "rules" of scuba you die. If you don't follow the "rules" of engineering your bridge falls down. If you don't follow the "rules" of baseball, you're not playing baseball. Think about it. It takes us a couple of years to stop crapping in our pants. But you want BE a poet in zero time, just because you decide you are? Naaa. If it was that easy, I'd be a rich and famous writer.

And you call this a poem. You can call a potato a tractor, but it ain't gonna pull your plow.

Take the time to become a poet. Who knows...maybe you'll like being a one, instead of just calling yourself one.

[Diamond]

Scissors
In the placid song of solitude,
The river of presence undulates.
Eternally within the moment,
Like the beaming golden waves.
Etching shadows, bright and sheeny,
That dance to their own melody.
The reflection breaks the silence,
And the current splits in two,
As the blades of past and future,
Scissor the heavenly stream.
14May2018

Deal with the above poem, if you like.
I am here to take down the "Matrix" of lies and deceit, not to play clown games of proving myself to anyone - with due respect, of course!

[JayG]

• I am here to take down the "Matrix" of lies and deceit, not to play clown games of proving myself to anyone.

In case, It looks like you've missed the target, because no one but me, and one other has paid attention. So far, 43 people have looked, and you've not convinced them that you're taking anything down. So just maybe, to impress a reader you need to take their preferences into account if you want to reach the reader. If not...if you're writing only for your pleasure, then posting it in public, you know what they say about people who pleasure themselves in public. 😆

Lighten up, guy. If you want to write poetry, then write it. But...take some time to learn the skills that poets have been refining for centuries, and then improve on them.

It's easy to condemn what you know nothing about—harder to build. But the builders are the ones to admire.

[Diamond]

Probably you depend on what others impression is, about who you are. I am not.

I post what I post there and leave it at that. I don't care to "CONTROL" the readers perceptions. I will leave that business to the egomaniacs of this world. You are welcome to join them!

I respect my readers for whatever message they take from my writings irrespective of whether they leave a comment or not.

[JayG]

• I respect my readers for whatever message they take from my writings

If you respected your readers you'd take the time to learn the craft, and write poetry that engages, rather than lectures. There's an unspoken agreement between writer and reader: They give us of their time, and we make the time they spend reading worthwhile. But you post whatever comes to mind, as if by simply existing you're magically endowed with wisdom. And you've done zero research into how to make your message relevant to the reader of poetry.

You've taken no steps to engage the reader and make them care. Why not? If you respect them, treat them with respect. As a wise philosopher observed, "A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down, in a most delightful way." Readers come to you for sugar, not venom.

You've neither discussed not disputed anything that's been said about this piece. That says it all.

Obviously, you believe you've already achieved perfection, so I'll wish you luck with your writing, and bow out.

[Diamond]

I posted "Con games on virtual reality" with reference to all these inauthentic pseudo-artists out there.... one hell of a Mafia that cries to be exposed!

[Diamond]

What you imagine of who and what I am, defines YOU. Not me.

[Spamalot]

"You’re a vicious serpent with forked tongue."

Why thank you for noticing. Getting it split was really expensive. Seriously, are there serpents who don't have a forked tongue? Of course not. So how is telling a person that they are both a serpent AND have a forked tongue, meaningful? Research...always research. Your JOB is to make it meaningful to the reader.

But, as stated, it applies to the one reading the piece. So...why are you calling every reader, "a vicious serpent with forked tongue?" Was that you peeking in through the window last night, when I was shedding my skin?

That might not be what you wanted the reader to get, but it IS what you said. In short: The line can't work for the people you wrote this for, the reader. Always, always, always, say what you mean, and mean what you say.
_________________________
"Everything you say and do has two meanings."

Really? Damn, I was trying for three.

Seriously, Why are you posting a letter to someone unknown, broken into lines, as a poem. It's not poetic in language choice, nor is it meaningful, because you're the only one who knows who and what you're talking about. For anyone else, someone we know nothing about is insulting someone we know nothing about. Why? Damned if I can tell.

And that leads to a critical question: Why should anyone but the one this is addressed to care?

In short: This is a letter, center justified, not a poem. A poem has meaning for the reader. It engages them. And, a poem gives the reader a reason to care. You never even identify the who or the why. So in the end, someone unknown is pissed at someone not identified, for reasons known only to the author.

You might want to look into the techniques of poetry. Poets find them useful.

[Diamond]

Your comment is quite entertaining for me.😀
I am no wannabe poet. I follow no rules of poetry, all that transpires in my existence is Poetry, penned or not!

[Spamalot]

"I am no wannabe poet."
Kind of hard to insist in with over 20 poems posted.

Were you not a wannabe poet you'd not have posted them in a public spot. You were hoping for praise. We both know that.

"... all that transpires in my existence is Poetry, penned or not!"

Hmm...so when you take a crap that's poetry? Your farts are poetry? You brush your teeeth poetically? Naaa.

Apparently, you've redefined the term poetry to make you the center of existence for everyone. Usually that faded when you pass your 20th birthday..

You are not a poet simply because you declare yourself so, and post words on a website. And if you're too lazy to learn even the basics of a profession that has been under refinement for thousands of years, there are not going to be many who agree that you are what you claim to be.

I pointed out an obvious flaw: You're talking TO the reader when you should be involving them. We're talking first day in Poetry 101 level information. Instead of reacting to that, addressing the problem, and growing as a poet, you're excusing it, and doing so by claiming that you're already perfect.

Not the best way to improve. And since you quote him, George Bernard Shaw also said:

"Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything."

He also said:
"Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance."
Or as Mark Twain put it:
“It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”

[Diamond]

Ok, so..... I pity you for suffering from a psyche that regurgitates the above comment. That said, I could care less about what your opinion is about me or what I am posting. I don't give a flying **** to whether you or acknowledges me as a poet or not. Keep that!

[JayG]

In that poem you demonstrate zero knowledge of prosody, you force rhymes with "Yoda-speak" and make all the usual, amateur mistakes, like trying to rhyme "image" and "page," using spelling not pronunciation. And you rhyme "you" with "you."

In trying to show you know the skills of poetry you demonstrate your ignorance of it.

Go to Amazon and read the excerpt from Stephen Fry's, The Ode Less Traveled, for a few of the very basic points you're missing.

And now, I have three solid hours of editing that needs to be done.

[Diamond]

That poem is about you! Lol

[Diamond]

That poem is about megalomaniacs like you! I mean

[Diamond]

And teaming up with the above idiot shows that you got no backbone! You con artists acting like some sort of gurus are rife all over the internet. What? Arrogance of knowledge......uha!

When the UNKNOWN strikes,
You will not understand the pain.
Checkmate.

[JayG]

Hmm...you're home and on the Internet all afternoon, which means you're a kid in school, unemployed, or incarcerated.

That aside, it's easy enough to prove me wrong. Sell something to a publisher. I've sold my poetry, fiction, and nonfiction. And since you know so much more than I do, it should be a snap.

Or, you could demonstrate competence at writing poetry by getting more than 31 comments for one of your pieces and match my least commented here, Elvish Tor.

Claims are easy. Writing something that resonates with a reader? Harder. And since I, don't call myself either a poet or a particularly good writer, it should be a snap to do.

I'll wait.

[Diamond]

My soul is NOT for sale. None of my creations are. You write to impress others and sell. I write because I have point to make. Big difference.

Wake up from delusions!

[JayG]

Okay. For fun, I dashed off a poem and posted it. It's nothing special. But if you're as good as you think, and I'm as bad as you say, I'll not get any reactions, and you will get lots.

And since your latest poem was posted recently, it's a fair competition.

In other words, instead of claims, a demonstration, where real people that neither of us know will react.

And if by some chance, there is a disparity in reaction, just maybe you might want to look at a text or two on writing poetry.

[Diamond]

I am at a more important task of exposing the criminal empire world over. I am not here to compete with brainless morons. And what you imagine, I think is your problem. Not mine. I don't suffer idiots.

[JayG]

Damn... the score is 1 to 0, already.

[Diamond]

Seriously, you are so good at making a fool of yourself!

[Diamond]

I will let you continue with that