Alexis's mind

A Story by Sophles

the start of a story about a girl who keeps blacking out into ' a world' her mind creates everytime she finds out something bad about herself or her family or friends

My names Alexis and im 16, Throughout my life i was told lies, my family hid secrets so i wouldn't get hurt so they could tell me when i was older. But my families secrets were too much. You know when you watch the news or watch a film and think, ' That would never happen to me' ... Well i did that, my whole life, but when i turned 15, everything came out, slowly but surely, i learned everything about my fucked up family. It made me scared, 'i dont want to turn out like them' i scream inside my head. My own personnal nightmares. So i turn to a dream land, where i can handle everything.

Part 1... im scared of my head

I realised that my head would be a problem just before my exams, i couldn't handle them.

i watched my friends not care and carry on like normal, i spent days revising, they spent hours, i was scared as f**k and they were talking about what they watched on T.V. last night, the first exam was English. I sat in my sit, i was in the middle of everyone.... everything went black, i was trapped inside my head... unspeakable images appeared, hospital beds, mental asylums, i was shaking in terror.... i came back to the room, a teacher looked at me in worry, but i didnt keep her gaze long. i started making up things in my writing, looking back and realising i had wrote about things that made no sense, words that were jumbled up, i cant see right in my head... i hear the word in my head but cant remember what letters go where, i write how instead of who ... ill write yellow instead of green .... 'how will i pass' i said to myself remembering how fucked up my head is, ill stare at a colour for ages and forget the word for it, same with shapes and numbers. i return back to my paper... staring down at all the words as they change, the world has gone again and we're back in my nightmare, everythings black but the words are coming out at me, alive and haunting me, making me feel stupid, long complicated words staring down at me they stand tall like statues judging me... shorter words appear at my heel, but i cant remember, the pronunciation has gone, i break into tears as the horror of my difficulty is revealed.

My brother, Tom,was seen as the smartest at everything, but when he was diagnosed with depression when he was 13 he had to leave school, he took up drugs and he failed all his exams and a levels, my younger cousin ,Genny, has autism so she was never going to be the smartest... so i HAD to succeed, my family went on about it all the time, i guess i was over pushed, too many expectations. as i return to the exam hall, its all over, i look at my paper and there is barely anything on it, my hands are bleeding from where i had scratched them to pieces whilst in my world.

i walked over to my friend, Michael,

' how much did you write?' he asked 'i wrote 8 pages'

' i c-c-can't remember' i stuttered.

as we tried to get out my teacher Mrs Francom approached us.

' Hey Alex, how did you do' She said, Her classic warming smile stamped across her face like it couldn't be removed.

'ermm.. it was fine..' i answered trying to hide my hand, almost crying.

That night i sat in the dark, with my laptop over my legs, i was hovering my mouse over send on an e-mail to Mrs Francom, she could fix things for me.. i hoped, i hated entering my mind, the world i had by accidentally created in there was terrifying, and i had only just adventured through the enterance... what else could be in there??