Mr. Yoder's Clams

"CLAM BEFORE THE STORM!!"
He screamed,
Then he cracked me in the shins
With his cane-
I took another summer job
At the old-folks home
Even after I'd vowed last year-
"NO, not ever again".
Mr. Yoder, around 84-
A WWII veteran-
Had a plate in his head,
And two plastic hips,
A giant chip on his shoulder,
A permanent sneer on his lips-
And worst of all, the most
Extensively blue,
Nonsensical vocabulary
I'd ever known.
The last time I saw him,
I brought him his evening meal-
One baked potato,
Ten green beans (he counted them),
And a thin slice of
Pâté De La Maison (which was
The cook's way of making
Meatloaf sound better than it was).
I stood outside 314 (Mr. Yoder's room),
Took a deep breath,
And prepared myself for the onslaught.
"Hello Mr.Yoder, I brought dinner",
I tried to sound cheeful.
"Agatha Christie had a tight
Little a*s",
He replied without looking
Away from his television.
"Yep, meatloaf. So, uh, here ya go"
I attempted to make a hastey retreat,
But he caught me off guard-
"You can hear them, right?
The crickets outside my window
Every night?
Sonny and Cher.
All they sing is
'I've got you babe'.
Then he broke out into song,
And I had to laugh.
Big mistake.
He picked up his baked potato
And before I could react,
He threw it at my head,
And then began to scream
(as he flung each green bean)
His favorite phrase-
In fact, I would have to say
It was much like a battlecry-
Something meant to strike
Fear into the heart of
The Devil himself
(Lord knows it worked
On the staff at Easy Breezes),
"CLAM BEFORE THE STORM!!!"
Followed up by a mad- toothless cackle.
I found out last week
That Mr. Yoder passed in his sleep.
I should have felt relieved,
But, part of me was kind of sad
Knowing that his tombstone
Would likely say something
To the effect of-
"Emmet Yoder,
Beloved Father,
Brother,
Husband,
Friend"
Perhaps followed by R.I.P.
People would likely leave flowers-
Maybe someone might stick
One of those little american flags
Into the ground above where
Emmet Yoder finally rested
In peace-
All flowers, and fanfare
When all the man really wanted
Was a beer.
No one would remember him
Like me.
Red faced, scowling, foul-mouthed-
Counting beans,
And haunted by crickets and clams.

Reviews

[Spoken]

I loved this! You gave such life to "Mr. Yoder". What a great character. You brought laughter with a hint of sadness. I know what you mean about 'premature posting' I often do the exact thing and its only after that i see things i need to fix or a better line to add here and there. Well done! I enjoyed it very much.

[Fran Marie]

Mr Emmet Yoder sounds quite the old stogy and stubborn character? great writing here, I found it most interesting and quite an enjoyable read!~Fran Marie

[R J Askew]

great poem, just like the Madeline one i read earlier. really well observed, with a very human eye. great title. but the humanity and humour in the poem is what i like most. you feel sorry for the annoying old sod and sort of thank the watcher for watching him, with a sympathetic eye, despite him being iritating.

[Charity]

I truly enjoyed reading this, it was so full of images, I can see the old guy! Who knows, maybe you made a difference in his life, by laughing, listening or just taking his blows. Good luck!!

[Klyn]

I totally LOVE this! I can relate. I see people in a time of their lives the most family members refuse to. DENIAL. Awesome write, two thumbs-up!

[Shane Patrick]

My grandfather was a WWII vet, and my uncle vietnam, I am a combat vet myself... we all are foul mouthed and haunted by crickets and clams... hahaha nice story..!!

[Chantal-lise Mirman]

That is one terrific story/poem! You developed a great character in poor Mr. Yoder, irascible though he was to the end. Despite his odd temper tantrums, he was full of energy and very engaging. The details of the Nursing Home, Mr. Yoder's veteran staus, and his hallucinations are all vividly painted; and the poem ends sadly, but believably, in his passing. I feel a better person for having known him, and think someone should speak to his family about adding "Clam before the storm!" to his headstone...

My favorite parts are: the 10 green beans, Agatha Christie's tight a*s, and the Sonny and Cher crickets!

This is going into my favorites! Good luck in the contest!

(typo alert: cheerful)