My Apologies

In my haste…my seemingly callous selfishness,

I inadvertently placed unbearable and copious amounts

of weight and pressure upon your shoulders

 

It was my desire, my want, to have someone to

feel me with him 

to…fill me…with…him

to patiently pore over me so I might wantonly pour into him

fusing my Caramel with his Chocolate

my Crimson with his Indigo

my mmm with his hmm, imbuing our senses in every facet as we’d accentuate 

each’s good while making each other better

 

Someone to sip me slowly and savor me intently

to take pleasure in my countenance, yet distill my aura

from the tantalizing flesh that would undoubtedly tempt his

To appreciate the pout of my full lips but find stimulation in

their articulation as he’d engage in the intellect of my tongue,

palate my words, and thirst for my conversation

 

He'd be my armor; my aegis

and I would be his haven; his home

fortifying security and comfort in one another

syncing our foundations,

ascertaining one could not survive without the other

 

He’d endow me with the sum of him,

unblemished stains to pervade my essence

feeling him entirely…filling my entirety

as he’d extract and absorb every ounce of me…

and we’d become the entity,

Man to Woman

Souls to sole

we were meant to be

 

It’s now I realize how desire can

elicit the mind to wheedle

the deepest measure of self

to conceive

tangible illusions

And in my expectations of you,

I deluded myself and imagined you

to be something real

 

In my unconscious consciousness,

you became a semblance of my desires and

I veiled my eyes in your presence

to see you past who you’d shown yourself to be

and granted you attributes

outside of your character

simply because they are a part of mine

I admittedly was foolish enough to trust if a Woman

were all of these things to a man,

he would certainly return the same to her

 

I know now a Woman never

has to expect, hope, or wait to receive

such attributes from a Man

She never has to pad his character

with such virtues and qualities 

because they are as much a part of his makeup

as Woman is a part of him…

 It wasn’t believing a Man could return these things

that made me foolish

it was expecting a man could..

 

So please forgive me

for assuming you to be something you are not

for expecting, for desiring, for wanting, for believing

you to be more than

your capabilities allow

 

It was unfair to you for me to expect you to be a Man

And what’s worst

in the midst of deluding myself,

I enabled 

you to believe you are a Man

and for that I owe you

my sincerest apologies

Reviews

[Eric Pudalov]

Teeya...this is a rollercoaster ride of a poem. It started off, in the second and third stanzas, with an almost erotic feel, especially the "fusing my Caramel with his Chocolate...my Crimson with his Indigo."

And then, in the following stanzas, you build up the "fantasy" elements even more, almost creating a superhuman being out of this man. But then, in the fifth stanza, it's like reality hits, and you are awoken from your dream: "It's now I realize how desire can/elicit the mind to wheedle/the deepest measure of self."

The poem really works as a great story, too (and, I imagine, a true one, as it clearly comes from a place of deep feeling). I also like how you highlighted the words "Woman" and "Man" throughout, as if imbuing both with superhuman characteristics. I know that our expectations of what both men and women are supposed to be and do can do crazy things to our relationships.

Finally, I particularly like the last stanza, as it sums up the theme and meaning of the poem in just these lines:

And what’s worst
in the midst of deluding myself,
I enabled
you to believe you are a Man
and for that I owe you
my sincerest apologies…

It's as if you are taking on all the guilt for getting into this relationship in the first place, which isn't necessarily your fault, although you may feel that it is.

But again, you've expressed all of this so eloquently, with great storytelling abilities - for that, I applaud you, and I've enjoyed experiencing part of that expression.

[Teeya]

First I'd like to thank you for taking the time to read my work and for leaving such great in depth criticism. I wrote this from a woman's perspective (and yes a very personal one might I add :)), although I'm sure many men can relate as well. Women, myself included, most times have expectations of the man we plan to share our life with whether it be for a moment or a lifetime. And though he may not possess all the qualities on our list for the "perfect man", I believe attributes such as honesty, loyalty, integrity, and respect aren't too far fetched to expect. In our hopes to receive the best of the person we've chosen, we sometimes will "give" the man credit for more than he's actually shown because we delude ourselves with the notion that patience and time will eventually change him into who we've already committed him to be. The apology comes when a Woman realizes there is no way she can raise a man to be a Man unless she's instilled those attributes in him from birth, and leading someone to believe he's something he's not only deprives him of growing into the Man he could possibly become...Again, thank you for your wonderful words and your time.

[Eric Pudalov]

You're very welcome! And I find your response extremely insightful as well - it really makes me think of people in abusive relationships who believe that, as you said, time will change the person into someone they want to be with. I look forward to reading more of your poetry.

[LastMonth]

Sooo.
First up,
Thank you for entering this Contest.

Second up,
I like this poem.
Though it's bitter. This is your pain, this is your bitterness, and your frustration.
This isn't as much an apology as it is an accusation,
You were disappointed.
Both in yourself, and him.

Beautiful poem,
Unfortunate inspiration.

[ANTO]

I began reading this Teeya and then I took a panic attack (of sorts) and what that said to me was that I need to work on me.
Thanks for enlightening

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

I read along noticing that the man was never asked what he wanted to be.
That fed into the emotions of it perfectly. I love how it started turning in the
middle. By the end you had become a pillar of strength. And that ending...
I'm still seeing stars. Only thing is...I have to *tsk tsk* about your ethics.
Teaching us something before we realize it. lol. jk..I think its great when that happens.

[Teeya]

First of all sorry for the late response. Secondly, you're right...I never asked what he wanted to be so I guess that should be a part of "My Apologies" too! Anywho thanks for your time and comment. Both are much appreciated and I'm very glad you enjoyed this piece:-)

[Al R. Arce]

WOW! What an entry! Exactly what I was seeking. This poem is not only superb, it has become one of my favorites!

[Teeya]

I was so excited to enter this piece into your contest! I'm happy this is what you were looking for and honored to have it as one of your favorites!!:)

[Persona]

I would finish the poem on 'the same to her' part. I got the idea of feminism but listing qualities and ellipsis cn be unnecessary.