Isobel the Brave

Isobel is a Viking girl. She wants to go on a raid, but no one thinks she's 'cut out'. But thats about to change...

My name is Isobel.  I am a Viking. Yes, a Viking - a plundering brute that kills for the fun of it.  Except that’s not what we’re like.  At ALL.  Take my friend Jade for example.  She wants to be a healer!  We live on a tiny peninsula off the coast of Norway.

It’s really wet and cold out here, but we make do.  Unfortunately for me, one of the solutions is blankets, and someone has to make them. My mother is a weaver, and she seems to think that I should be one too.  So, instead of going off to England to slaughter some monks, I’m stuck at home making blankets for sweaty Vikings.  I just pray to Thor that that will change one day.

It looks like my prayers were answered, because one day, there was a knocking at our door.  My mother opened the door, and standing right outside was the chief of our village, along with ten or so heavily armored Vikings right behind him.

“Does this dwelling house a warrior?” roared the chief.  I perked up at this.

“Oh! Me! I am!’” I said.

“Don’t be silly!” said the chief. “A girl? And a 14 year-old one at that!”

The warriors behind him laughed.  I was fuming.

“Why not?” I said. “I can fight!”

“You’re too soft!” said the chief.

“I AM NOT!” I yelled. “Mom! You tell him!”

My mom bit her lip.

“Isobel…” she said.

“Mom! Please! You know I can! You know!”

“Yes, but…”

“Oh save it! You’re no help anyways!” and I stormed off to the back door of the hut.  I ran outside and started looking for Jade.

“Jade!” I yelled. “JADE!”

“What?” said Jade, looking up from the stones she was fiddling with. 

Jade is my friend, I mentioned her before.  Unlike my long red hair, hers is blond shoulder length.  She has brown eyes and is a little tall, but not as much as me.  She always says she’s jealous of my green eyes, but I don’t think she should be.  Green eyes are rare here and it ends up with random strangers staring at my eyes.  Which you must admit is a little unnerving.  Anyway, Jade wants to be a healer, which is not like a doctor.  They heal using chants and herbs.

“Jade!” I said. “Talk in English! This is secret!”

Jade and I learned English a few years ago, when an English man came to our village.  He taught us his language just in case we ever needed it, but he didn’t teach the others.  So, if we want to talk in secret, we use English instead of Norse.

“What's going on?” asked Jade.

“Did you see the chief looking for warriors?” I said.

“Yeah, what about it?”

“He came to my house, but said I was too soft!”

“You volunteered?!”

“Yes, but-“

“WHY? YOU COULD GET KILLED OUT THERE!”

“Jade-”

“Jade what?!”

I sighed.  I should have known she'd say this.

“Look Jade,” I said. “I know you don't want me to.”

“Of course I don’t!”

“But I promise I'll be careful.”

 “Will be?”

“Listen.  I have a plan that benefits us both...”

I leant over and whispered the plan in her ear.  I must admit, it was a great plan.  Jade listened, and when I was done, she nodded.

“Ok,” she said in Norse. “But only because you're my friend.”

*    *    *

The next day, Jade and I were standing by the boat dock. I was holding my dad’s sword.  The chief, with his usual bunch of Vikings trailing behind him, walked up to us.

“You have something to show me?”

I nodded.

“Well get on with it girl, I haven't all day!”

I took a deep breath.

“Do you remember yesterday, when you called me soft?” I began. The chief nodded.

“And you said I could never be a warrior?” Again he nodded.

“Well here’s something to prove you wrong.” I took another deep breath, drew my sword… and sliced through Jade’s stomach.

*    *    *

 

“That. Was. Brilliant,” said Jade.

“I know! I don't know how I thought of it!” I replied.

“A pig’s bladder full of blood under my shirt! Woden be thanked for that moment of awesomeness.”

“And they fell for it too!”

“So, how does this benefit me again?”

“When you magically heal, everyone will think you have powers and you’ll become a healer!”

“Herbs work so much better than traditional Viking remedies!”

“Totally.  I mean, making someone eat garlic, then cutting them open to see if it digested?  No way.”

“Yeah, they'll be glad to have me…” We kept talking as we walked back to Jade’s hut.

“Ok.” I said. “Go into your hut.  Remember to act injured.”

“Got it,” said Jade.  I watched her walk into the house, and heard her mother scream.  Jade is quite the actor.  I laughed, and headed back to my hut.  The chief had said that he'd consider letting me come to England, despite the fact I'm a 14 year-old girl. When I got home, my dad was waiting for me outside the door.

“I have good news Isobel,” he said.  My eyes lit up. “Your going to England.”

A wide grin spread across my face.

“It’s a shame Jade had to die though.”

“WHAT?!” I cried.

“Ha Ha! Just kidding!” He laughed.

“Not. Funny.” I said through gritted teeth.

“All right.  If you're coming, you'll need a Viking name,” he said.

“Oh Thor you are NOT calling me Oaf or Dumpy!”

“No, not like that, although the name Fat Thighs would suit you…”

“HEY!”

“No, I just meant getting yourself a title, just for fun.”

“From who?”

“Maybe Gunbjorn?”

Gunbjorn is the village soothsayer.  He tells the future and stuff like that.  But no one really takes him seriously, and most think he’s a bit batty.

“Uh, sure.  Can Jade get one too?”

“Is she well enough to walk here?”

Oh yeah.  I didn’t tell him it was faked.

“I don't know,” I said. “She told me she was using magic to heal it.  We should go see if it worked.”

“Wow.  She’s a healer?”

“Maybe.”

We walked back over to Jade’s house.  My dad stuck his head in.

“Hello?” He said. “Anyone in?”

“Hi Hallvard,” said Jade’s mom.

“I’m here to see your daughter.”

“Go ahead.”

We walked into the hut.

“Jade?” I said.

“Hey Isobel.”

“Jade!  Hi! I, uh, see the magic worked!” I lied.

“Huh? Oh, yeah, that.  It worked,” she lied back. We stood there staring at each other for a moment.

“Meetyououtside,”  I said hurriedly.

‘Sure,” she replied, equally fast.  We ran out the back before our parents noticed that something was up.  They didn’t seem to. Thank Freya.

“Did your mom guess?” I asked.

“No,” Jade replied. “She’s not the brightest Viking.”

“Good.  They seemed to think you were a pretty good healer.”

“Yeah, I hope.”

“Dad wants me to go to Gunbjorn to get a title. Wanna come? You can get one too,”

“All right. Let’s go.”

We walked back in her hut.  Our parents were talking.

“My daughter can fight and she has green eyes!” My dad was bragging.

“Oh yeah?  Well my daughter has magic powers!”

Jade and me looked at each other.  It’s kinda weird to be bragged about.

“Uh, Dad?” I said.  “Are we going?”

“Oh right.  Of course.  Is your friend coming?”

“Yeah,” I said.

“Alright, lets get going then.”

With that, my dad walked out of the room, his sword trailing on the ground behind him.  We looked at each other and shrugged, then followed him out of the hut.

*    *    *

When we reached Gunbjorns hut, we had blisters on our feet.  Apparently it’s all the rage in old men to have their hut 4000 miles from the village.  It was probably only like 4 miles, but it still took an hour. My dad knocked on the door.

“Gunbjorn? You in?”

I heard footsteps, and the door creaked open.

“What may be your reason for disturbing the soothsayer?”

“Oh drop it. These girls want titles,” said my dad.

“Oh.  In that case, come on in.”

We walked into the hut.  There were candles on the floor and animal skins on the walls.

“So you want a title, do you? Well, you've come to the right place.”

We sat down on the floor and Gunbjorn lit the candles.

“I will now contact the gods to see what is in your future.  Then I will give you your titles.”

He crossed his legs and closed his eyes.

“Ok dieux.  J'ai besoin de celui-ci. Dites-moi quelque chose droit pour un changement,” he said.  He opened one eye. We were all staring at him.

“It’s French,” he  said. “From Europe.”  He closed his eyes and continued. “Allez les gars. Une petite chose à propos de l'avenir il? Ok.  Bien, je vais juste attendre-ce qui est celui?”  His eyes shot open.  He stared straight at me. “Brave,” he said. “Isobel the Brave.”

“Huh?” I said.

“And you!”  He turned to Jade. “Wise.  Jade the Wise.”

“Cool!” Said Jade.

“What?” I said. “Brave? Wise? How do those fit?  Ok, I’m no scaredy cat and Jade’s decently smart, but still!”

“I have seen the future!”

I rolled my eyes.

“Also, I have a title for your father too.”

“Really? What?” Said my dad.

“Hallvard the Stupid.”

My dad’s face went purple.

“Awesome.  I'd LOVE to see what gave him that name.” I laughed.

“You won’t have to wait long, it happens when you get home,” said Gunbjorn.

“You know, I suddenly want to stay at your place tonight!” Said Jade.  I grinned.

“I'll ask my mom!”

 

*    *    *

When we got home, I ran ahead of dad and Jade.  Jade caught up to me.

“Whatchya doing?”

“You’ll see!”  I grabbed a moose skin off the floor of the hut.  I walked outside and checked if my dad was watching.  He was talking to Mom.  I took a sharp stick and made two holes in the start of the skin. Then I grabbed some straw, and threaded it through the holes. I tied the skin to the straw roof, so it hung over the door. The skin was mostly the same color as the mud walls, giving the impression that the door was gone.  I looked over at Jade. She was smiling. She had figured it out. Grinning, I stepped back to admire my handiwork. Then I walked over to my dad.

“Dad, we have a  teensy problem…” I said.  Mom looked at me. I winked at her.

 “It appears we have no door.”

Dad looked over at the hut.

“Thumbnails of Thor!” He cried.  He circled the house. “Somebody must have filled it in with mud!”

“What ever shall we do?” I said innocently.

“Why we must make a new one!” Said my dad.  I stifled a laugh.  I can see why he’s Hallvard the Stupid.  Dad grabbed his axe and walked up to the hut. He swung the axe at the wall.  Unfortunately for him, that was exactly where the door actually was. His axe hit the moose skin, and kept falling.  Dad was pulled down as the axe fell. There was a thud, and dad was lying face down in the dirt with his axe embedded in the ground beside him.

“That,” he said, “was a cruel joke.”

“Gets you back for telling me Jade was dead.”  I said.

“Wait… WHAT?” Said Jade.

“Nutin’.”

“Just so you know,” said my dad, “It was an innocent mistake.  I am NOT Hallvard the Stupid.”

“Hallvard the Stupid?” asked my mom.

“Long story,” I said.

 

*   *   *

A few weeks later, it was time for me to leave.  Jade was helping me pack my things.  She had become a healer, and was telling me about remedies.

“For a broken bone, eat lots of rice, beans, and corn.  For bleeding, sprinkle powdered yarrow extract on the wound.”

I listened, and was starting to feel a little worried about this trip.

“Uh, got anything for seasickness?” I asked.

“Try peppermint or chamomile.”

I nodded.

“I guess I should pack some of this stuff,” I said.

“Good plan,” said Jade. “I'll grab some from my hut.” She ran outside and was back a few minutes later.

“Ok, elderberry, cinnamon, garlic, chamomile, yarrow, rosemary, peppermint…” she listed all the herbs I would need.  I grabbed my sword, axe, shield, armor, and all the rest.  I put on my armor, and pulled my quiver over my back.  I tested my bowstring. It was good and strong.

“The herbs are packed,” said Jade.

“Thanks.” I said.  I sheathed my axe and sword. “Lets go.”

 

*    *    *

A little while later, we were standing at the ramp to board the ship.  I hugged Jade, being careful not to let my weapons scratch her.  Jade’s mom was talking to mine.

“Wow Alhildr.  I can't believe you would let your daughter do this!” Said Jade’s mom.

“I have to.  The chief said so,” replied my mom matter-of-factly.  My mom is way too exact.

“I’m gonna miss you,” said Jade.

“Me too,” I said.

“Um, don't get yourself killed, ok?  It wouldn't be very kind of you to do that to me.”

“No promises,” I smiled. We're joking.  Joking is good.

“Ok everyone!  We’re leaving!” Yelled the chief.  I hugged Jade one more time, then walked up the ramp onto the ship.

 

*    *    *

Ok, I was definitely regretting this.  I dug through my bag to see if I had any peppermint left. I had used up all the chamomile already.  I threw up over the side of the ship for the 16^th time that day.

“Perfect sailing weather!” yelled the chief over the wind. I nearly choked on the peppermint.  If this was perfect I'd hate to see a storm.  I looked over to the oarsmen. They didn’t seem to think it was perfect.  They were sitting on chests with their things in them because the boat had no seats.

“Isobel!” I spun around. The chief was walking up to me. “I have a job for you!”

“Uh, what?” I asked warily.

“We just had a messenger come to our ship.  He said that Edric’s son needs help killing Saxon King Edmund!”

“Who’s Edric?”

“Not the foggiest idea.  But I don't like Edmund any more than he does!”

“Who’s gonna help?”

“You!”

My mouth fell open.  I had to kill a king!  I thought that there would be no way that this could get any worse. Unfortunately, I was wrong.

“Um, how do we kill him?” I asked quietly.

“We climb through his toilet pit, wait till he sits down, and stab ‘im in the bum!”

“WHAT?!” I yelled.

“It’s a perfect plan!”

“Oh no!” I said. “I am NOT doing that!”

“You want to be a warrior, don’t you?”

“A warrior!  Not a butt stabber!”

“You're doing this or you're going home!”

“I’m not a baby!”

“But you'll still have to go!”

I sighed. I had to do this.

“Who’s Edric’s son then?” I asked.

“His name is Andvett. Well, that’s what they told me. Probably not his real name.”

“Uh, ok.”

“But don't worry! Before we do that we'll hit a monastery or two and kill us some monks!”

“Great…”

 

*    *    *

“England ho!”

I looked up from the bow I was stringing.  I could see a huge island dotted with villages.  The wind was strong, and it pushed us quickly towards it. I quickly finished the bow and put on my armor. I grabbed my weapons and shield.  I was ready.

“Um, why do we attack monasteries anyways?” I asked.

“Simple,” said my dad. “They are rich and they don't fight back!”

“So we do it because it’s easy cash?”

“Exactly.”

“Uh, all right.”

 As the ship docked, I could see people staring at us. Then one person yelled:

“VIKINGS!”

Everybody scattered, leaving us standing there on the boat.

“Well, it looks like we left an impression!” said the chief.

“Uh huh,” I said.

“Whatcha waiting for? Lets go!”

The warriors all roared, and began streaming off the boat towards the nearest monastery.  I watched them, unsure of what to do next.

“Come on girl!  You frozen or something!” said my dad. I shook myself out and jumped off the boat onto the dock.  I hurried after the others, careful not to trip on my axe, which was trailing on the ground beside me. The monastery door was already wide open, and I could hear screaming from inside. I took a deep breath and ran inside.  It was gruesome.  There was blood everywhere. Monks ran for their lives with Vikings running after them.  I drew my sword.  This is what I had come here to do.  I lashed out at the monks.  Blood flew everywhere.  I shut my eyes. When I opened them again, I had a clear line of vision towards the back of the room.  There was a golden chest.  I ran over and lifted the lid.  It was full to the brim with gold.  I gaped.  What was it my dad had said?  It’s easy cash.  I mustered all my strength and hauled the chest across the floor.  I pulled it outside and stopped.  My dad walked up to me.

“Jolly good battle! What you got there?”

“Treasure.”

“Good girl.  Lets bring it to the boat, shall we?”  We each grabbed a side, and lifted up the chest. We walked over to the ship and plopped it on the deck.  Wiping my forehead, I looked at my dad.

“Uh, when do you think I'll have to go in the toilet pit?” I asked.  Just then, the chief and the other warriors walked up to me.

“Right now!” said the chief.

“WHAT?!” I said.

“When we finished killing the monks, guess who walked up to us!”

I watched as a teenage boy walked out from behind the Vikings.

“Andvett, meet Isobel.  Isobel, meet Andvett.”

I looked at Andvett.  He couldn't of been much older than me, fifteen at the most.  He had longish blond hair that reached a bit past his ears.  He had blue eyes, and was wearing a leather tunic.

“Uh, hi?” I said.

“Hi,” said Andvett.

“Well, now you met each other, we should get going!” The chief started walking towards a huge castle in the distance.  Andvett and I looked at each other.  This was going to be a long trip.

 

*    *    *

After about an hour, we had reached the castle.  It was only the chief, Andvett, and I.  The chief pointed to a hole in the wall of the castle.  It smelled like poop.

“Just climb in there and you'll be in the pit!”

I nearly threw up.  This was going to stink.  Literally.

“Well, lets get it over with,” I said.

“I'll go first,” said Andvett.  He climbed in and disappeared from view.  I took a deep breath, and clambered in after him.

 

*    *    *

It was very dark.  It was also very smelly.  I was crawling through piles of human poop.  I could just make out Andvetts outline in the darkness.  The stench was so overwhelming that I thought I would die.  I wondered if I would go to Valhalla if I died down here. It isn't technically a battle, but I am killing a king, so that might count as something.  Just then, I saw a light. Oh Thor. I thought. I really am dying.  But as I got closer, I could see that the light was coming from a small hole in the wood above me.  We had made it!  Now all we had to do was wait.  It didn't take long.  After a few minutes someone walked into the room above us.  For a second I thought it wasn't the king, but then I remembered that this was the king’s private toilet, and only he can use it.  The king sat down on the hole.  I could see his butt sticking through.  I was wondering when Andvett would do it.  I didn’t want the king going on my face.  I felt a poke.  I turned around.  Andvett was holding out the dagger to me!  He wanted me to do it?  I shook my head, but he kept handing it to me.

“Take it!” he hissed.  I took it reluctantly.  Closing my eyes, I held up the dagger, and jabbed it up.

 

*    *    *

Two weeks later, I was sitting in my hut sharpening my sword.  I had come back that night and had yet to tell Jade I was back.  I watched the sun rising over the hill. After I had killed King Edmund, we had raided a few more monasteries.  We had found loads more treasure and had shipped it all back here.  Andvett had left after the toilet pit incident, and we never saw him again.  I still don't know his real name. I had pretty much decided that I would still go on journeys, as long as there were no toilet pits.  I put down my sword, and went to meet Jade.