Stitches

There was once an empty heart. It wept and it wept all the day long, for it had lost its way home. Some tried to help it along the right path. Some tried to lead it astray. Eventually, they were all turned away. In their anger, they threw stones at the heart. They beat it with sticks and said all sorts of nasty things to the heart. Over and over, the heart was beaten black and blue. Soon, it began to lose hope.

One day, a young person came upon the broken heart lying against a lone shade tree along the crumbling road. Pieces of the heart had been scattered about. The person was saddened by this, and began picking up the pieces. They gathered them all up and placed them next to the heart, and then sat down beside it as the sun began to set. Nothing was said, and neither moved for ages. Eventually they gave in to the growing night, and fell asleep.

When she woke, the heart was nowhere to be found. Instead, in its place, sat a young boy. As the girl looked, she noticed a row of stitches in the boy's chest. Before she could ask, she found the answer around her neck. Hanging from a small chain was a tiny key. The boy smiled at her surprise, and then held her close against the light of the new day's sunrise.

Reviews

[KHBarr]

Your beginning is engaging; I liked it.
In the second paragraph you work very hard to avoid giving up the young person's gender, and then (if I am following you correctly) you spring it on us in the beginning of the third paragraph. I find this strange and it reads somewhat awkwardly. Do you have a motivation for this?
What does "neither moved for ages" mean? It seems contradicted by them giving into a night.
Overall, it's a nice story!
You use more commas then is grammatically correct
Each of the following sentence has an unnecessary comma:
The person was saddened by this, and began picking up the pieces.
They gathered them all up and placed them next to the heart, and then sat down beside it as the sun began to set. (this would probably be best as a list with a single and rather than a comma removal)
Eventually they gave in to the growing night, and fell asleep.
The boy smiled at her surprise, and then held her close against the light of the new day's sunrise.

[Terry Lee]

Honestly, I had forgotten this website, along with the work I've posted here, existed. I had to really pick my own brain to decipher when (and where) I wrote this.

I wrote it, well.. typed it, rather, on my phone while sitting in a bathroom stall at work. I didn't proofread it. Come to think of it, I didn't read it, at all, once I was done and had posted it.

I appreciate you taking the time to read it and review it. Your notes are spot on. I may go back and rewrite it. Again, thank you.

[Marie]

That's very sweet...a lovely ending for the new sunrise.

[A. Amos]

Interesting and good write, truly enjoyed...