Confessions

Maybe I shouldn't have said this was a game
It's just you're so hot and cold, but rightfully so
But these feelings don't have an exact name
At least not one that my mind acknowledges to know

D****t, yes I love you but there's confusion mixed in
Complicated is an understatement for whats at work
Every time you talk to me it probably feels a sin
And don't for a second think I don't know it makes me a jerk

The heart wants what the heart wants we all say
We both have rings on even though mine could come off
I have to laugh at myself because I swore there'd never be a day
But that thing that you do, I swear it makes my heart soft

How can I describe you in ways that even I understand
My fourth angel always dressed in light
When you speak my attention is at your command
And when you smile my heart seems to take flight

God there's something about you so familiar to my soul
I never in my life thought I'd meet my equal in so many ways
What is going on in your world is taking it's toll
I think I'm alone forever, so by your side at heart I stay

Or maybe you're like my wife and can turn it off in a snap
That trick still boggles my empathy filled brain
Could it happen to me twice I've been caught in that trap
Not knowing how to do it myself is going to drive me insane

I know my shoulder was good enough for you to rely on
You damn well know I probably understand you better than most
Thinking of you and my heart is already writing a song
Just please don't offend me by asking if we got too close

I've already admitted on this I don't have the answers
What feels right to me is wrong and what looks right for you is wrong
But not talking with you feels like a million cancers
I guess I actually thought the two of us could make each other strong

Dear God when I met you I was so happy to hear you settling down
But even before that I knew you were in a special place within me
So when you announced those words there was a little cracking sound
And as I sit here I feel like I wasn't the only one to start to bleed

Why?  Why him did you choose to be this mate for the rest of your life
I mean no disrespect at all as I have no doubts he's a good guy
Was the chemistry really there or did you force it with strife
It's probably not my place to ask these questions or wonder why

It's not like I'm anymore stable of a man for you to fall in to
But at least there's a fire burning and a connection
If there's one thing  you can count on it's my words to always be true
And from all your demons inside I think I can be protection

What the f**k am I doing, I'm not asking you to leave him
I don't even know what I'm looking for with you
But God as my witness we have known each other since lights were dim
With a bond I have to believe to my core is absolutely true

All these feelings are confused not coded
I love you absolute but I know it goes nowhere
You love me too and that's why this is loaded
I wish I could reach out and find your hand there

-I do love you, I am sorry for everything, I'm cursed, you're cursed, and I guess I should bless you if you are getting out of this with your marriage still intact.  I do want to be your everything but we have to pretend that could in no way be for the best.  I hate being the bad guy.