Not These Dreams

Not these dreams that awake me in tears
Of you telling me the sum of all of my fears
Of leaving and cheating and never having loved
Of not satisfying you or being like a sex god from above

Not these dreams that make me lay wide awake
Of you abusing me in the end with take take take take
Of telling me I suck when we lay in the bed
Of saying all you did just to f**k with my head

Not these dreams that make me want to die in my sleep
Promising me forever as you leave me for a creep
Remembering how you always said you'll fight for all this
And remembering how you always sealed it with a kiss

Not these dreams where I'm left standing and speechless
Coming home to an empty house, a home now meaningless
Staring at the spaces we shared so many first times
Looking in the dirty mirror and accepting all these lines

Not these dreams where you tell me your f*****g someone else
As I wordlessly hang up the phone understanding hell
Why had my praying done nothing to ease my fall
Why doesn't God get my messages when I try to call

Not these dreams of living the rest of my life all alone
But here we go, here I am, no settling for a clone
Only you, only you had the key to my soul
And for the rest of my life, to save us will be my goal

My stupid quest, my foolish mission
Supportless and abandoned
By all of my friends
They pity me, and I get it
My trainwreck has a sad end

I am only human
I can only follow my heart
And it still beats for you
My nightlight in the dark