What's To Love

Fail, after fail, after fail
I'm great at nothing
Loss, after loss, after loss
A waste of something

All that mattered was I thought I loved you best
Success at this was a lifelong test
I guess I sucked as in all I do
Theres nothing in this world if I can't do right by you

From playing my guitar to writing these words down
I'm a joke, I'm subpar and nothing more than a clown
From my job to my games I'm nothing special worth notice
And my looks and my brain, it's amazing I shared this

I can't build I can't create I can't even replicate
I can't remember I can't decide I'm nothing to duplicate
I'm not athletic I'm not smart I sure as hell can't draw
I can't write I can't sing and I'm not even close to tall

I'm not a porn star not rich and I make a bigfoot look bald
I'm too shy too nervous and I can barely throw a ball
I can't repair I can't comprehend I can't understand
I'm pretty sure I'm a pathetic excuse of what we call a man

All of this pales still to not being the best for you
After years of love, I thought I'd found a calling true
I believed I was a great husband worthy of love
But I guess God didn't agree, and He gave you a shove

Back to square one and I suck at life again
I didn't deserve you and I don't deserve a friend
I'm so down and I'm so out not even sure if I'm alive
I give up, I really truly give up, without you I'm dead inside

Reviews

[Anindita Janhabee]

Teddy bear,
This poem has really got some kind of special feeling. I do not know if it was a true experience or an imaginary one. But I do know whatever it may be, it is just awesome... Awesome is a small word to describe though. I liked the way you maintained rhymes in each paragraph. Very good poem.
Now getting into the emotions, I really feel sad. I am kinda emotional and soon get into emotions of a piece like this. If it was a true experience, then I am proud of you. Cause you have passed through much of sadness and still you have managed to move on... If it's imaginary, then you hv done great job..
keep it up...
Anindita : )

[Teddybearlee]

Thank you very much for your very kind review Anindita Janhabee, I really appreciate it :)

[Anindita Janhabee]

Most welcome.. : )

[Marianne Rose]

Dear Teddybearlee,
Such a troubling writing, seeing that what you lost in your relationship could rob you of the perspective that you are worthy of love, and that you do have strengths, gifts and knacks you can't see anymore. Maybe God did give her a shove because she wasn't right for you, but I like to think God intervenes when we're in pain or difficulty, but leaves choices to us- her choice to leave, for whatever reason. You have been a good virtual friend to me, writing reviews filled with encouragement and compassion. That compassionate heart is perhaps your greatest gift. It's the measure of love we feel and act on that counts- not whatever our personal limits are. And you have a great deal of heart. Please be gentle with my new friend, he has brought me light when I needed it, offered an ear to listen. I'm glad you poured out your self-hatred here, and shared the dark time that you're going through. If you need to do that to remember your light, the flicker that's still there, then do it again and again until you hear the whisper behind all the lies that says, "I love you just as you are." Peace, brother,
Marianne

[Teddybearlee]

Ah, self loathing and self doubt. my specialty. If my therapist and my doctor could strangle my parents, they would. I cleaned it all up though, for her, because I know how difficult a person like that could be in a relationship, I've said it many times, she made me believe in myself more than anyone or myself ever could have...she was worth it, and for her, anything was possible....but what happens when the reason is no longer there? Or worse, the reason turns on you and insults you in the end, destroying in a single sentence anything you had left? Tough act to follow, and since I'm determined that she's the only one I truly want in life, she's the only one I believe that can get me through this, her view of me is the unfortunately the only one that matters. I don't say that to be disrespectful to anyone else...but she was my angel, she helped me be a better person, and I helped her in ways as well, we complimented each other very well. As always, your words are extremely welcome and appreciated, and the time you take to read my work and compose your review, such a wonderful person you are, thank you.