Soothing the Guilt

The guilt that bears down on me
When I attempt to protect whats right
Seems to run parallel to my beliefs
The morals I hold so tight

Going against you feels so wrong
Even if the you you are is not here
I can't help feeling I'm the one sinning
And I'm the one living in fear

I can't recall a time in my life
When what I believe conflicted with proper
Why does it hurt to look out for myself
And even protecting my baby, my daughter

I never wanted to fight you
I know this will incur your wrath
The outcome I can predict
The end of the line, the cliff off the path

Even if there truly was no coming back
What I'm doing now will probably seal the chance
I only wish you'd mend your ways
That my miracle would happen, to change your stance

For our daughter I have do this
I know you won't understand
You won't agree and you'll speak to kill
And break me in the palm of your hand

So to soothe my guilt
For doing what needs to be done
I give you another spot
Another place on my arm

For myself I feel it's what I owe
My spirit cries out to still show you my love
My conscience  is dark with the weight of this task
And I'll never stop believing, we fit like a glove

Dear Lee forgive yourself for what you must
But I can't, hurting you is all I oppose
No matter what you've done to me
This is the direction I chose

Long ago, when we two were united
And I swore my whole life to you
Because one breaks their vows and sins
Doesn't mean it's something I can do

I love you still, now, and for all time

Reviews

[Tamika]

This is beautiful, yet heartbreaking. I commend you on posting such personal poems. Each poem of yours I have read truly does tell a story. This poem makes me ponder the story behind it, and all I hope for you is that things will turn out okay. The part in the second stanza, where you say you feel as if your sinning if you go against this person stood out for me. The fifth stanza is extremely strong, and almost individual to the rest in the sense that within 4 lines you have described such a difficult dilemma that that itself almost tells a story of its own and truly leaves the reader wondering; what you had done, and what you were thinking of when you say you hope they mend their ways. Another line that was strong, for me was: "And break me in the palm of your hand". I believe this is so strong because I totally understand what this line points out, in the way that somebody could mean so much to you, and have such an emotional control over you that the very simplest things that they could do can feel like a bullet to the chest. Hence the palm of the hand, meaning how easy it is for them to kill you and they have all the control over it. The line about the never stop believing we fit like a glove really made my heart ache. The stanza starting with Dear Lee is wonderful. I like how you rhymed this. I like the message in it too. The next stanza breaks my heart, because it is so true for so many people who have been in failed marriages. An excellent poem, well done. My heart goes out to you.