The Scenic Route

Doing something a bit different this time, giving you all a two for one. Tell me which version you prefer and of course any improvements you may see to be made.

The ocean mist upon my face. The salty air on my buds that taste.

Simple and beautiful a sight. Clears my mind of all the thoughts and makes me forget any plight.

As I look to the mighty ocean, I’m in awe of its powerful nature. I observe the rocks that disappear into the curtains of fog covering them like thick sheets of paper.

“I think to myself why are the rocks hiding?” Are the waves stealing the show colliding?

Do the rocks believe themselves too unsightly to be gazed upon? Not so pretty and just all brawn.

Once the sun appears, however, they truly understand their picturesque beauty. They can now do their shore duty.

I hear the crashing of waves, the ocean’s attempt to reach us and show us its majesty. Making me feel its glowing hospitality.

The seagulls fly overhead praising the vast deep-sea for bringing them the gift of nourishment. Giving caws to the body of water as encouragement. 

For surely the bird would perish without the strong waters harboring the scaly creatures. The ocean must now make way for some of the day’s coming features.

The cycle of life goes on. But the great sea is only but a tiny pawn.

The ocean pleases his lovely supervisor known as Mother Nature. The woman known as the curator.

Now we can see the real director of the show. The woman whose name we all know.

She controls everything in the Broadway hit we call the scenic route, and does it with great precision. Putting together her simple yet stunning vision.

Making sure the audience gets everything they expect. But also being careful to make nothing that is easy to reject.

She is the east, the west, the south, and the guiding north pointing us home when we are lost. Making the choices that are tough but does not give up at any cost.

As the waves recede, the sun shines bright. The grass grows green, and the wind blows with the gentlest might.

The earth can feel her happiness and delight. Making me smile all the while I write.

Or...

The ocean mist upon my face. The salty air on my taste buds. Simple yet beautiful. Clears my mind of all the thoughts that usually cloud it. As I look to the mighty ocean, I’m in awe of its powerful nature. I observe the rocks that disappear into the thick curtains of fog. “I think to myself why are they are hiding?” Do they think themselves too unsightly to be gazed upon? Once the sun appears they truly understand their picturesque beauty. I hear the crashing of waves, the ocean’s attempt to reach us and show us its majesty. The seagulls fly overhead praising the vast deep-sea for bringing them the gift of sustenance. For surely the bird would perish without the strong waters harboring the scaly creatures. The cycle of life goes on. The ocean pleases his lovely supervisor known as Mother Nature. Now we can see the real director of the show. She controls everything in the Broadway hit we call the scenic route, and does it with great precision. Making sure the audience gets everything they expect. She is the east, the west, the south, and the guiding north pointing us home when we are lost. As the waves recede, the sun shines bright, the grass grows green, and the wind blows with the gentlest might. I can feel her happiness and delight. 

Reviews

[KWP]

I love the second version, it seems more naturally flowing and therefore closer to one's heart.

Once again your imagery bursts out at the seams... I think if you work on this side of your writing you will really have something ..

I like the sentence structures, short bursts if information. Perhaps as you get towed the end there may be some unnecessary use of words ... But that it just a look Back over your shoulder

Really Fabulous x x

[Tech]

Thank you and I can understand why you choose the second one lol it was the original version of the poem :). I rewrote and arranged it differently a second time just to see what it would look like but I do feel like I have a better connection to the first version. Thank you for your words.