Burning Numbness

*TW* *self-harm* *depression and anxiety* I wrote this on a road trip when I was reflecting upon my past

Everything was numb, there was no burning pleasure when I got caught.

The only burning I ever got was from the cuts littering my body.

Things were.

Hazy

Unfocused

Dull

I continually bled over the overwhelming thoughts to feel something.

There were nights when I had to hold a towel to my leg to stop the bleeding, and then there were nights when they barely bled.

Nights were where I cried myself to sleep, then nights where I barely slept.

My tears where fresh and salty each time the blade was pressed to my skin.

I never really cried until I traced over the fresh wound.

Each cut and burn there to serve a purpose.

This deep retched pain carved my soul into something of a monster.

A cut off, impulsive, manipulating, depressive monster.

Deep amongst my thoughts and in the depths of my beating heart, I knew this was not the person I was.

The real me was hidden underneath layers of trauma and angst.

Im still digging her out, so if you get to her before I do.

Tell her I would love to meet her, and we can heal together.

.

Author's Note

Ignore the bad grammar please.