Whole

Rough Draft

Warning: This does contain Christian themes and beliefs. If you'd still like to read, than I'm glad, but don't complain about the Christian theme.

 

Whole

"So, you're really gonna do it," I asked sofly. Chloe looked up from her textbook. A brief look of shock was on her face once she registered what I had said. But then her face hardened. She knew what I was talking about, I knew she did. We had been friends for 7 years, she could practically read my mind. She let her dark hair fall in her face a bit and sat up from lying on her stomach on my bed. She crossed her legs and played with her bracelets as she considered my question.

After a moment, she finally looked up at me. Her light, pale green eyes bore into me. Her gaze softened and she murmured, "You know I am. I just don't know when."

I stared at her. Underneath those bracelets and that long-sleeved shirt were scars and cuts. She had been doing it for 2 years and I was the only one that knew. She started once her mom died. Her dad remarried, and her stepmom was abusive. Her dad didn't know. Chloe was scared of her, and the things her stepmom said got to her. She hated herself.

Chloe had decided she couldn't take it anymore. I didn't know what to do. I asked my parents, and they said to pray. Pray for her, her family, that God will touch her heart. Yeah, Chloe had gone to church as a kid, but she felt like God didn't care about her. That she was worthless in His eyes, and there was no way He'd save her. She was 'too far gone'. She believed in Him, just not that He would want her.

"So you don't have any plans?"

She shook her head. Rain tickled the window, the soft sound was the only thing we listened to for a while.

Finally, I spoke, "I don't want you to."

She gulped loudly, like there was a lump in her throat. I felt my stomach flip. I didn't want her to cry. She barely cried in front of people. I've only seen her cry three times in our whole friendship. She looked down to her lap, to where I couldn't see her face. She was falling apart, and I didn't know what to do to help her.

"I'm sorry I'm like this," She whispered, her voice cracking. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't apologize," I said. "None of this is your fault. It's not your fault. You don't have to be sorry."

She sniffled, "I don't want to die. I just want all of this to stop." She looked up at me, and I got a clear view of the tears streaming down her face. I felt my heart break when I saw her cry. "She says such awful things."

I pulled her into a hug. "I know she does. None of those things are true, Chloe. She's making that stuff up."

"She knows I cut," She said bitterly. "She called my a phsycopath yesterday. She said she was glad I was hurting myself. She said that she was glad that my mom died."

I cringed. It was wrong for me to hate her stepmom, but I did. Chloe was so close to her mom and for her to have her mom ripped away from her was awful. She still wasn't over her mom's death. She still missed her with all her heart. Her stepmom saying those horrible things was like pouring salt in an open wound.

Chloe whiped tears from her face and closed her textbook. I set the book on my side table and gulped.

"No matter what she says," I whispered, "I will always love you, Chloe. You're like my sister, and you know that." I paused before talking again. She sniffed and let out a shaky breath.

"Why does God let these things happen?" She sobbed. She was full out sobbing and I wanted to cry too. I actually did start crying. I felt tears fall out of my eyes, but I quickly whiped them away.

I winced. "He loves you. This is all for a reason. You're hurting for a reason."

"Why is He letting all happen?" She asked again. "I can't take this anymore! Doesn't He care?"

"Of course He cares," I said, whiping away another set of tears. "Chloe, He loves you so much. He cares about every aspect of your life. I don't know why all of this is happening, but all I know is that it's gonna work out in the end. But you have to trust Him."

She gulped and whiped away some of her tears. She looked up at me. "Trust Him?"

I nodded. "You can't do this alone. I'm not enough to help you. He's the only one that can help you get through this. You need Him."

"He can't want me. I'm worthless. I don't matter, don't you see that?"

"No." I said firmly, but my voice faltered. "You aren't worthless. You are part of God's plan, and all of this is happening for a reason. God is going to use your hurt to bring Him glory. God is going to make this better. He can heal you."

She didn't talk for a long while. She sat there, considering what I said. She was thinking, I could tell.

"How?"

I knew what she meant. "He already did save you. He sent His Son, Jesus died on the cross. All your sin, the things you've done wrong was all paid for. He was the ultimate sacrafice. All you have to do is ask God to forgive you. If you want His forgiveness, He'll give it to you. He can make you better."

"Okay," She said. "I asked Him."

I stared at her. "What?"

"I just said, 'God please forgive me. I'm sorry for everything I've done, and I know I don't deseve it, but if you will, please forgive me.' in my head," She said. "Can't he hear me? Do I have to say it out loud?"

I let out a breathy laugh. "No, He heard you. Chloe, you really meant it? You really want to have a relationship with God?"

She nodded, and I realized she wasn't crying anymore. She wasn't playing with her bracelets anymore. Her face looked. . . calm. Peaceful. I felt tears fall from my eyes again. She did it. After being so broken, so hurt and lost, she did it. She gave her life to Christ.

"Do you know what this means?" I asked.

She shook her head.

"You're my sister in Christ." I told her. I hugged her tight. A smile spread on her face and let out a steady breath. "What are you feeling?"

She thought a moment. Her eyes were light and warm, instead of hard and warning. She was breathing evenly, and her face overtook a look that I hadn't seen from her in a while. Happiness. What am I feeling? her eyes seemed to say, like she was seriously considering my question. I sat there, stoked that after all her years of hurting, she was saved. God would make her okay again. God would heal her heart that had been so beaten down and stomped on.

"I feel complete," she whispered. "Whole."

Author's Note

I actually cried during writting this. Wow.

Okay, so this is a very, VERY rough draft. I'll be editing and adding and working on it, so please leave your comments and everything. I'm asking you to be very picky with spelling and grammar and things that could help the flow of this piece. I'm actually asking you to beat down this so I can make it my best.

Please keep in mind this is VERY VERY VERY not finished. I will be working on it and refining it, and all comments and thoughts are appericiated.

Thanks!!

Reviews

[TheConjuringCat]

Awwww I love it SOOO much!!!! Even though it's not totally finnished, I feel like it's one of your better works because it came from the heart. :)
One thing, though: at the begining, where it says "'So, you're really going to do it,' I asked softly." There should either be a question mark there or it should be more of a statement than a question.
Love you lots and hope you remember this when you're in need! But I'll be there to help you remember, just in case. :D