THE PUPPET AND THE PARROT

 

 

While the melancholy gossip outlasted

The caged parrot and the controlled puppet

Vigorously fled fostered memories

A lament, a pity of the past

Moments of silence followed

A crack of laughter

As the parrot nibbled the strings

And the puppet broke the lock

Past their freedom

Deep bond grew apace

As they vanished into the aura of dreams

Author's Note

I would welcome suggestions.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A very nice story shared in the poetry. You said enough. I saw the puppet and parrot escaping because of the strong description. Thank you Tazeen for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Chris]

There is a story - and the blanks await to be filled in. If we do the filling perhaps your intent-of-story goes unfulfilled. We really don't need to be hand-fed the whole thing but too many blanks leads us to tell OUR tale and not yours.

You CAN enrich the images and grow your characters and draw us into the the tale.

[Tazeen Ahmed]

Okay. I will definitely work on this. I thank you kindly for an insightful and honest review.

[Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn..]

A powerful message underlies this excellently written piece ...

[Tazeen Ahmed]

Thank you. I'm glad you liked it. :)

[Inda]

i really like this piece, the flood of images, the seemingly nonchalant way in which the narrative carries on, just love it!
" A weird crack of laughter"
might work better as "A crack of laughter", letting the reader think it's weird, but that's just a style choice really, this is fantastic!

[Tazeen Ahmed]

Thank you very much. It means a lot. I would consider your advice!

[mercy party]

One needs a voice to break free. The line about nibbling the strings was very cool and profound.
i really enjoyed this, it was liberating!

[Tazeen Ahmed]

Thank you so much! It really made my day:)

[Farhan Shaikh]

Wicked, it is really good, freedom to the dream aura😎😍..
Loved it

[Tazeen Ahmed]

thank you!

[Surya]

Well, That's humble, I heard struggling for freedom and somehow those two helped and achieved it...I liked it..:)

[Tazeen Ahmed]

thank you!

[William Liston]

Wow. The story this piece tells is beautiful and true: two souls helping each other achieve freedom while growing a stronger bond with one another. The plot seems thought-out and original, and the imagery, though quite simple, fits well with the poem's brevity. I also enjoyed the pleasant visual presentation (the green letters and the image of the bird).

As for suggestions:
- I believe Silente's critique is valid.
- It would improve the visual presentation, to me, if you put the image above the poem ~ not below it.

- William Liston

[Tazeen Ahmed]

Wow! You've perfectly understood. You've mustered the art of reviewing. Thank you so much. I will surely make apt changes.

[apennylate]

Loved the premise, and with weird cracks this poem did break me from fostered memories... The bird and puppet can be taken metaphorically, or literally, as can the whole thing, really... So well done... As for a suggestion... The opening line "Whilst the gossip outlasted"... Without a setup as to what it is outlasting, might be a bit smoother to perhaps give it a set frame of mind... Like, "The gossip outlasted the... Etc etc..." Or "While gossip outlasts... Etc etc." Just a thought... Enjoyed it very much, regardless... Nicely penned...

[Tazeen Ahmed]

Thank you so much! It mean a lot:)

[Tazeen Ahmed]

In case you're unaware of the indian green parrot. Masters make them memorize words and in a way, confine them in cages. You know,"rote parrot".

[apennylate]

Oh, wow... I was not familiar or aware of that particular tidbit of info... Thanks so much for sharing, and you are so very welcome!

[Najam Us Saher]

Very thoughtful. When looked deeper into a broader meaning it shows the importance of freedom. I liked it.

[Tazeen Ahmed]

wow! i'm glad you liked it!

[Najam Us Saher]

Yes I did....☺