Your Actions

actions and reactions...

your slamming ,

permanently stains my heart

your strange eyes ,

madly warns my sight

your annoying,

tests my patience

your backbites ,

unknowingly hurts me inside

your confinement  ,

blames my past

your whispers ,

suddenly cheats my mind

your pressure ,

derails my time

your treachery ,

stress-fully blocks my rights

your hard debates ,

confoundedly staggers my breath

your secret intentions ,

hysterically boosts my pulse

your murmurs  ,

practically banes my cries

Reviews

[barleygirl]

You've done a good job showing us how upset & frustrating this situation must feel for the narrator. I believe you've chosen original words & ways to show the various types of annoyance one can be feeling. I don't agree with the overall idea here, tho. Other people can't MAKE us feel anything. We are responsible for choosing how we react to other people. I dislike this blaming tone in your poem, but I know many people really do this & feel this way in a relationship.

[Tazeen Ahmed]

I completely agree with your judgement.. The tone here is of blame and all negativity...
Though the latter will be positive :)

[barleygirl]

It's not that having a bad attitude isn't allowed. Everyone feels the way you've described in your poem, at some point in life. Writing this in a realistic way reflects the way many people think about these things. Sometimes it's good to show that a character goes thru a transformation in your writing . . . this part may be full of blame, but then you can go on to show the realization of other more positive ways to look at things.

[elfthereal]

at first, I would like to comment that it lack in surprise that it seemed to repetitive in my personal view, but I realised, its heavy hints of suppress and destress , and it all made sense like the heavy knocking repeating in this post, like the beginning constantly "slamming", not too bad for your age, keep it up.

[Tazeen Ahmed]

Thank you, I appreciate your advice :)