Goodness won't conceal long

I leave it up to your imagination ......

a deceitful eye

that prompts exclusion

to no one I owe my heart

never have I deceived

my soul lies in peace

I have confronted the past

realizing no one cares in fact

my life lies in my hands

not an attitude of greed

I sigh , I bow my head and woe

awful , this world is phony

humanity does exist

in a magnitude tiny to the giant

loneliness prevails , I step out my qualms

let me think , let me confess

look around , goodness won't conceal long

 

 

 

Reviews

[Surya]

Humanity do exist with a mask of words not through hands, when people realise masks fade off, am waiting for the day as you are....still it's a worthy piece for me...:)

[Tazeen Ahmed]

Absolutely! I agree to that!
Thank you so much for the wonderful review.

[Isabella Ivy]

I feel this piece reveals a determined choice made to hang onto hope, when the true state of humanity has been realized. It's good :) I relate. However, I believe some punctuation would help the flow, for the reader to better grasp your meaning, although I am just experimenting with punctuation myself so have not answers. I see a need only clearly here, in line 7, before 'in fact'. And yet, if you're like I used to be and desire the words speak for themselves, as I see you use no capitals either, then to leave of all would be more consistent, for sure. You must determine what is better for your voice. Give classic form a try on your own once and determine if it helps or hinders your purpose(?) I began to I realized it was not hindrance for me, but clever, tools that gave the words I deemed more value than they had standing alone. Just a thought! You're a good poet :) I love that you share your work, so I can read it. I.I.

[Tazeen Ahmed]

thank you for the constructive review!I would definitely make changes as suggested::)))

[Isabella Ivy]

You're always most welcome. It's a pleasure reading such creative works :) I.I.

[shade]

hummm, maybe i just didnt get it or maybe it was to random, maybe you could work on this poem to have it go in a direction

[Tazeen Ahmed]

I just filled my thoughts without an overall frame...
Just random lines..
yeah, will surely work on it later!:)

[Alfred Kukitz]

You are an amazing girl. The poetry has depth, insights fill your pen and I have a new friend.

Regards,
Al

[Tazeen Ahmed]

Thank you !! Your wonderful review made me smile :)

[Coyote Poetry]

Honest and direct thoughts.
"I sigh , I bow my "head and woe
awful , this world is phony
humanity does exist "
I above line is true and not true. Many kind and generous people. Here in Michigan. I know many people who volunteer time, food and money to the needy. Our world had many kind people but war/violence is what we hear and know. Old wisdom. We can be the one the start the flow of kindness, concern and love. Even if only near us. Thank you Tazeen for sharing the amazing poetry. Made the reader think and ponder.
Coyote

[Tazeen Ahmed]

Thank you again for your review!
You have rightly understood the theme of this poem...as you stated,there is still humanity and generosity on this earth and we just need to ignite it!

[Coyote Poetry]

You are right. We must ignite the cause of kindness and peace. You are welcome Tazeen.

[Gaurav]

Goodness prevails in our hearts no doubt because we are the sons of kindness. Good write/

[Tazeen Ahmed]

Thank you for the kind review...
Indeed we all are beset with kindness

[barleygirl]

I read this twice & I'm not getting a cohesive message overall . . . but I do like the many assorted observations which are original & relatable. There are parts of this message which many of us feel after now electing Trump to be president-elect & all the phony things that are going on. Your statements are made in a cerebral way . . . your words are stated to make a person think. But not so much about feelings or other sensory perceptions. This isn't good or bad, it's just an observation. Many poetry readers like to have some feelings stated with some sensory descriptions, that's all.

[Tazeen Ahmed]

Thank you for visiting and reviewing honestly, I would adhere to it...:)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i still feel there is goodness out there...i want to believe in people...but have been around too long to not know what lies beneath the facades....

and it is easy to mistrust...to be wary....and to be protective of self.

j.

[Tazeen Ahmed]

Sir, I value your patience
Thank you for the honest review!

[Cobblestone Traveler]

This poem is full of self-awareness and maturity. I enjoyed it very much!

[Tazeen Ahmed]

Thank you so much!!

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

The end sounded positive,
"look around , goodness won't conceal long" Nice line and poem!

[Tazeen Ahmed]

Thank you:)