With You

Am I in love?

Your deep green eyes, like full night sky's,

 That fill the wonder of the light,

 That lives inside, the stars, so bright,

 And as I feel, our heart's collide,

 I hope that you, will never lie,

 Cause when you look, into my eyes,

 I can see, a soul that's kind,

 And hopefully one, that can find,

 The pain I feel, The scars I hide,

 Maybe you, can help me find,

 The strength to heal, in due time,

 Just let me trust you, on this night,

 So you can help me, to take flight,

 I want to rise, I need to fly,

 To touch the stars, 

That shine so bright,

 That live within, 

Your deep green eyes, 

I want to fly,

 and live this life,

 With You.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

I loved this poem.
"Your deep green eyes,
I want to fly,
and live this life,
With You"
The above lines. Perfect and sweet. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Broken Hearts]

Just a great piece wonderfully capturing your emotions. Great read! :)

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

What would love be without such a beautiful blessing of romance? The stars appear every where you go, day and night

[Taz]

Yes they do.

[Awz]

Great work, captures your emotion and longing nicely.

[Taz]

Thank you.

[The Unforgiven]

A simply wonderful piece.

[Taz]

Thank you.

[streetrose]

This was great.
I thought it was perfect.

[Taz]

awww thank you.

[mercy party]

nicely written, it has a feel of broken innocence and then redemption. By revisiting the intro for the end you created a nice element of closure.

[Taz]

Thank you.

[William Liston]

This is beautiful ... though a rather simple piece, it feels full of sincerity and warmth. I really enjoyed the overall rhyme and word-flow ... they both felt natural and flowed easily as I read. I also liked the shortened lines towards the end in how they evoke a sense of ease before finally resonating into the last line ... a fitting end.

Critiques:

1. The word "sky's" in the first line and "heart's" in the fourth do not need the apostrophe.

2. "The strength to heal, in due time"
I feel like there should be another syllable in this line to improve the flow. My suggestion: "The strength to heal 'within' due time."

Hope this was helpful.

- William Liston

[Taz]

Thank you for the advice, the funny thing is that it used to be 'within' but then I changed it.

[heartspeaks]

This was like a song. Enjoyed reading it. Really nice work. Keep it up.

[Taz]

Thank You.

[Hebe]

Great rhyming ... difficult to do sometimes, but you achieved it!

[Taz]

Thank you.